Parenting ASD kids

[ASDmum2]

Not sure this is the right board...

I have 2 ASD kids, late teens and verging on adulthood. I love them entirely.

But it's been hard parenting them, especially through their teenage years. I find myself feeling like I'm always walking on eggshells, to avoid saying things that might "trigger" them - there's little laughter in our house, because they misunderstand us (parents) and take offence and get upset.

I guess we also misunderstand them, to not always know beforehand what they will find upsetting. So almost every encounter is fraught and a potential opportunity to upset or be upset myself. Each and every day.

My trouble is that I can't ever see them growing up and becoming very different to how they are now. I know it's not the maternal ideal, but I am looking forward to my kids leaving home - to them growing up, to not having to constantly bite my tongue or mentally parse every thought before I speak. I feel guilty that I'm looking forward to their departure.

I feel worse because I think the autism is the issue that I can't adapt to (the irony!) and that is something my kids will have all their lives, not something they will grow out of. I mean, I try to accommodate their needs, as a result of the autism, but it's hard work.

I guess I'm just here to moan about how hard, tiring and some times heartbreaking it is to parent my autistic children. And I don't see it getting any better, possibly easier if they leave home but I know that actually that will bring with it a whole new level of difficulty for all of us.

Anyone else who is worn down?

Teenage years and autism are difficult mix, so I understand 💐

My Ds is 16 and we've had a particularly difficult couple of weeks. I'm feeling overwhelmed at the moment, dealing with his difficulties. I've also been thinking about his next steps and I've realised this week that the gap is widening even more between him and his peers and I worry so much about his future.

Its hard isn't it . Are you feeling a bit more down that usual or are you having a bad patch? Our son has ASD and is 18 and the struggle with simple things day-to-day can be exhausting. I don't think its unreasonable to be looking forward to a time when you can get away from being a mum and have some freedom. Don't feel guilty. When I feel overwhelmed by his needs or find myself worrying about his future I do some CBT exercises. Have you tried CBT? I think about my worries and think it is usually the worst care scenario in my mind. I think too about the good times. Its been so hard with lockdown and the limitations on top of the difficult teenage years. Hope you can take some time for yourself soon and your negative thoughts pass xx

I totally understand the feeling- my s in 14 and while normally doing ok - lockdown has been extra hard seeing progress slipping back and it's hard to get a break from each other and been mum. I know the reality of the future and the worry is dawning on me now and how you never will stop been mum - but while it's less hands on I am sure it's the same with his sibling I will never stop been mum. Can you take a break away from the family even a walk? I think it's really important to acknowledge that some times having a child with extra needs is shit - it doesn't mean that you don't love them but it's really hard. I think teenagers just don't thing their parents are funny and while they can be sarcastic you can't- aaah it's head wrecking - best of luck with it and hope you get some space

We're going through a particularly bad patch.

The consequences of our/their humour-failure is dramatic to say the least. Everything is taken so seriously, offense is taken at all times. It's tiring. Surely for them if not only for us.

I'm tired of it all, my love, care and efforts seem to be for naught.

Thank you for your responses, I'm sorry that you're also going through hard times

I too going through hard time did think after geting ehp for my son with ausbhers that be easier at special school. No its wrong. The kids can't get in with each other the mums are more protective your child's ends up freindless. Strugeling with any education struggles with changes there giving him to help him they say. Now self harmed overdosed at school. Has school refusal over mother getting police to get my sin to stop garrasing her family only wants to be freinds.. Now can't get him back in. No freinds no education grades. The e said find somewhere else then. He dint want to go anywhere says he's done.. The scho say thel refer him to mental health u it if don't get him to do nowt he's seventeen and fed up with trying to fit in. Hearts out to you all. I just be me show them.ove mKe bread cakes. Let them turn bread red it's fun it's what we alll want xxx