ASD girls and horrific mess in bedrooms

[Glueandmess]

Does anyone else have this issue? It’s genuinely horrific.
One is 11 the other 18. Seems to start around age 10 and o can’t work out is this connected to asd and some kind of sensory thing ?
Personally id want to have things clean and in order but they are living in absolute pits.
I’ve tried from a young age to have a few jobs that need to be done each day
-make bed
-open curtains
-cups etc taken to dishwasher

Rarely gets done unless I nag.
There is stuff everywhere so I supplied laundry baskets - clothes still just all over the floor.
Lists and promoting aren’t helping

Make up- everywhere - smeared on stuff and a mess. Seems to be lots of mixing stuff up, wiping it where it shouldn’t be as a result carpets and furniture are ruined
Doing nails- I remind to put a towel out and it doesn’t happen and gets all over everything same with older dd and nail glue it’s all over her carpet which is ruined now
On many occasions I’ve had a whole day I’m each room and had got bags full of rubbish yet within a week it’s a mess again even with lots less stuff they seem to produce mess out of nowhere ? Make up, pens, paints etc

Is there anything I can do ? Is this part of asd is it sensory or disorganisation?
I’ve tried to help them deal with this independently with lists and help and prompting but it ends up causing tension
I would appreciate any advice thanks

@ryanshetlandd this is so interesting. Very informative and makes sense. Thank you

I also find its easier if things can be seen so we use clear boxes and clear file holders etc. Everything is simple as possible - my daughter has 10 papertrays on her desk (stacked in 2 rows of 5) - she has 1 papertray per GCSE subject so its easier for her or me to put all the paperwork away in one step. I also think draws are not so great - boxes and crates where things can be put away in one step are better.

Sounds like my bedroom as a kid I have ADHD.

Sensory yes - it feels like a cosy nest and helps block out over stimulation by kind of being white noise in a way. And executive function challenges and needing to see things.

I am still terrible as an adult...

I think Ross Greene's collaborative problem solving may work well in terms of coming to a mutually acceptable solution, though.

I should add as well. I don't find mess stressful. It surprised me to learn that other people do. The only time it's stressful for me is when the temperature gets too hot in the summer. Then I for some reason start to find "stuff" intolerable and need clear spaces.

But it did make me sad that things would get wrecked by being under other stuff.

My 13 year old autistic DD's bedroom is very tidy.

When she was younger it was a mess, but things have improved massively in the last couple of years.

She spends lots of time up there, it's like her haven from the rest of us, so she has designed it to be just the way she wants. She has very specific ideas about decor And she likes it tidy, and although all the surfaces have some sort of collection or other on them (pop vinyl toys, comic books, soft toys etc) they're in organised neat rows.

It's surprising as she is extremely disorganised in the rest of her life.

DH on the other hand is a total messy scumbag - we call his side of the bedroom and his office area his "executive dysfunction zone"

I'm autistic and in my thirties. My bedroom is still quite untidy at times although other rooms manage to stay relatively organised.

It was a nightmare when I was a teenager. I'd get 'clean your room!' screamed at me and I'd get emotionally overwhelmed and shut down. One of the problems I had was a very bad reaction to being told what to do - if I'd been planning to clean my room that day, or even made a start on doing it, someone telling me that I had to do it (nicely or not) meant that now I didn't want to and wouldn't.

What helped me (admittedly, not until my early twenties) was setting myself a timer. I could tidy for ten minutes. If the room still looked messy afterwards, that was okay, because the objective wasn't to have a spotlessly clean room (an overwhelming task!) but to tidy for ten minutes. I'd then do ten minutes the next day. It was a way of breaking up a task that felt impossible otherwise, and eventually it does get the room looking nice. (Of course, if someone had told me to do this as a teenager, I wouldn't have, but it might work for your girls).

I almost cried today - dd's room is always such a tip. I am at the end of my tether. So glad to see this thread!