How do I tell dd that I've asked for ASD assessment for her?

[Dilbertian]

I think she will feel broken and betrayed. And express this with fury and mistrust.

I've been trying to find the right moment to discuss this with dd, ever since I asked her school to consider referring her. But there never is a right moment. I cannot put it off any longer, as the school want to progress the referral, and cannot do so without dd's permission. Dd is 17.

Help?

Ds was 14 when he was referred by his school, so at the time we didn't need his permission. I told him when we received the appointment letter. He was not happy and in hindsight I should have discussed it with him earlier.

He's now 16 and unfortunately still struggling to come to terms with his autism diagnosis, although we do now finally have some support from CAMHS.

I'm guessing she has some significant difficulties in her life that have prompted the referral. Maybe chat about her difficulties and try and bring autism into the conversation on how it might be an explanation for some of what is going on and how she is feeling. I think that's what we did, although Ds wasn't very receptive!

If you need her consent though it may well be a waiting game until she feels ready.

Good luck, autism assessment and diagnosis in the teenage years can be a difficult process. 💐

I'm still glad we did it and I think long term it was the best thing for Ds, it's just such a shame he didn't get his diagnosis earlier.

Oh wow.

My DD is 15 and she chose not to be referred for a full ASD assessment.

By 17 I would truly have expected this type of thing to have been discussed and agreed.

How much does she know about ASD? Is the possibility on her radar?

If possible, I would present ASD as a difference, rather than as a problem or deficiency. If she has got to 17 without this being flagged up then it sounds as though that outlook would be appropriate. She may be experiencing difficulties, but I would see these as being caused by the way the world is set up to favour the neurotypical majority. So not a problem with her, more like a mismatch with her environment; an assessment can pinpoint specific areas which are awkward and provide guidance on learning to deal with them. She may also find that there are other areas which she has an advantage in. The analogy between Windows / Apple operating systems may be useful.

It's on her radar as a family issue (she has a diagnosed sibling, and we all have traits) but whether she has ever considered that it might apply to her...I don't know.

It's got this far without being flagged up as she is a classic high-achieving, people-pleasing girl - who can no longer cope with the masking.