Advice needed on arm hair anxiety

[toothfairy73]

My daughter is 13. She suffers from anxiety and depression and is currently waiting to be be assessed for ASD. She is really self conscious and hates the way she looks. No amount of reassurance helps.

She has recently told me she hates her arm hair. She has dark hair and really hates it. I know there are bigger problems but it's massive to her. She has just started shaving her legs, and she now wants to deal with her arm hair

Does anyone else have this situation? How did you solve it? We can't shave it. I am scared about using bleach. She has sensory sensitivity and she would find it difficult (also the same for waxing).

Has anyone tried any other options? And what happens if you stop? Does your arm hair grow back weird? Sorry I know this is a really niche question!

I'd not heard of this as something that might be very desirable to teens, so I've been Googling. Apologies if you have already found this info.

Searching for 'shaved arms' brings loads of how-to instructions and videos so it seems to be a thing and is presented in a positive light.

Also try this for searching 'i shaved my arms and now i regret it' to get a more balanced view.

This is a good article for leaving your arm hair alone, I'm pretty sure hers won't be anything like as prominent as the confident and very attractive women who are featured. www.allure.com/story/womens-arm-hair-portraits

This tells it like it is about all the after-effects of shaving, maybe she'd take that on board?
bestgroomingtips.com/is-shaving-your-arms-really-bad-know-some-facts-tips-before-shaving/

There are also laser hair removal gadgets to buy but they are very, very expensive.

My ASC son has really struggled with hating various parts of his body, and become quite obsessive about it. At various different times he's tried to pluck, tweeze, shave hair on his arms, legs, knees...it's really hard to distract him from it. But eventually he always moves on to another worry or something to distract him. It can be really severe and intense at the time though. Sorry, I'm not really giving much advice but just wanted to say maybe it will pass or she'll stop thinking about it as much? It's really hard!

My 18yr old ASD son doesn't like body hair so he shaves it all off. He's not had any problems with any strange regrowth at all.

I've also been shaving my arms, legs etc.. for as long as I can remember and I've never had any problems on the occasions when I've let it grow back. I also shave my inner forearms too because I have tattoos that I like to keep looking nice and clear.

I have a subscriptions for us both with 'The Dollar Shave Club' and every month we get pre scrub, shave butter, post shave dew and new blades which are really lovely to use and prevents any nasty ingrown hairs.

I hope that helps..

Shaving her arms might be a good solution here, since she’s already shaving her legs. There are also other options for hair removal if shaving is a sensory issue for her. The hair will grow back (and it won’t be thicker like many folks think it will) if she stops, and nothing bad will happen. If she’s self-conscious about her arm hair, not having to worry about it can really help.

Loving yourself is hard, especially when you throw mental illness into the mix. Recovery doesn’t have to be a straight line from point A (self-hatred) to point B (self-love), and baby steps are okay. If she can’t love herself and the way she looks right now, she can start with self-neutrality. Talk to her about shutting down her negative thoughts when she notices them. For example, she can counter negative thoughts about her body with thoughts like “My body gets me from place to place.” and “The cells in my body are working hard to keep me healthy.” It takes time and practice, but getting to that point of self-neutrality can provide a good foundation for self-love.

Sometimes you can do to help is to shut down her negative thoughts when she vocalises them. There’s a fine line between that and invalidating her feelings, so be careful. Things like “No, you’re beautiful!” are often said with good intentions, but they aren’t helpful or constructive. “I’m sorry that you’re feeling that way, that must be difficult for you.” is a good way to validate her feelings without encouraging her negative thoughts. “Is there anything I can do to help you?” can also be great because it allows your child to tell you if they need anything. If they don’t know, you can say “Would you like my help figuring it out?” Reminding her of ways she can shut down her negative thoughts are also good things to say.

I hope this helps!

@electrickangaroo thank you so much! That is really helpful!

My mum wouldn't let me shave until I was 15 because "It'll only grow in thicker and darker!" (not true by the way). By then my armpit hair was over an inch long and my legs and arms looked like albino monkey limbs (I'm blonde). Needless to say I felt DISGUSTING and my self confidence was 0. Now I shave my legs, knees, feet, toes, arms, elbows, hands, fingers, growing and... elswhere. My sensory needs prefer smooth surfaces, not prickly, hairy ones. I like shaving my arms because I get complimented on how soft they look.