I noticed a few old conversations on this topic so decided to start a new one just in case people have moved on...
My DS is 15 and was diagnosed with severe ADHD and ODD a few years ago. We always knew that there was something else going on rather than the usual "he's just a boy" observations. It all exploded when he transitioned to secondary, becoming completely overwhelmed with the new environment. A huge number of kids (1700 in our local comprehensive!), frequent change of classes, locations, teachers and teaching styles and keeping on time was simply beyond his ability. He just couldn't cope and it all come out as a violent phase, bursts of anger, frustration and extreme behaviour, which needless to say just got him in trouble daily with endless detentions and other punishments and the label that stuck hard. lt was horrendous.
The school was completely useless at managing the situation. In a hindsight, we were quite shocked that NO one at the school pointed out or suspected ADHD consider all the symptoms were there. They had no clue. It was only later that year (end of yr7) that we finally got to the right place and get a proper diagnosis. (in reality, this was a very long, expensive and frustrating process... finding the right place and the right person who actually knew what you were talking about was not straightforward).
DS is really struggling since. We moved him to a small independent school as of yr8 even though we have no budget for this, but needed to protect him from the ignorance and lack of resource and support in the state system that failed and humiliated him.
He is doing better since and on meds, however on the academic side the challenge is immense and as he progresses through school, the challenge intensifies. DS has a very high ability. As part of our journey of getting to the bottom of his issues, we had an Educational Psychological assessment were he has scored way above average (just to add to our confusion). We always knew he is very inteligent with strong English and Maths. He has developed his language skills really early and very articulate and his writing is at a very high level. However, now school demands are ramping up to the final GCSE year with lots of exams on the doorstep. But DS has completely signed-off. His way of dealing with it is not dealing with it at all!
He is also extremely resentful of his condition and we can see that it hurts him to know how different he is and how he has no ability to control himself, his impulsivity, and extreme lack of executive functioning impacting every aspect of daily life. We worry this can easily build up to depression and other long-standing mental health issues.
His ODD was always a big issue but now it is at a new high! with adolescence, hormones, and physically being a big person he became completely uncontrollable, would not accept any help, want follow any instruction, completely non-compliant, does whatever the hell he wants, whenever he wants and of course, none of it is to do with school responsibilities.
DS completely recognise he is struggling and that his behaviour hurting him and expressed the wish recently to see a therapist of a psychologist and we are desperately trying to identify the right person (again). CAMH take care of his meds and regular checkups but they seem to have no other expertise to directly address his ADHD therapy needs.
I guess I am asking for any kind of help and advice of how to handle the situation. Did you have a similar experience? What is your approach to school? We are paying for a private school but know he is likely to do poorly in his exams this year. That just sucks and such a missed opportunity. But the school, with all their support, can not make him sit down and do the work.
Sorry for the long story, it is only just starting to describe what we are going through.
We are in London so if you know of a VERY EXPERIENCED adolescent ADHD therapists please share their contact info. Or anything else you can share that may help. Thanks in advance.