Newly diagnosed ADHD at 16. What the heck???

[FFSufingfckr]

Sorry, this is a bit rambly.

I have a 16 yr old DD recently been tested for ADHD. We are due a proper diagnostic appointment with a psychiatrist in a couple of weeks but we've already been told she'll be diagnosed with ADHD and offered a medication trial during the appointment.
The past 6 years have been an absolute nightmare, particularly with school. They have been incredibly unhelpful and obstructive and given no support despite us continually being in contact with them with phonecalls, emails and meetings to try to get things sorted out. They have basically written her off as a pain in the bum and called her name's like stupid, moron and the reason for the school not getting an outstanding OFSTED report.
In all her time at primary and secondary school nobody ever suggested to us she might have ADHD or anything else and we were completely in the dark. I'm completely new to this so I don't even whether teachers would suggest to parents that their child might have SEN. She's also been seeing therapists for mental health issues on and off for 5 years and it's only the latest psychologist that's suggested ADHD. Corona virus has obviously delayed things further and we're all exhausted and feeling let down by the education system and the NHS mental health services

Next week she's due to collect her GCSE results and although we aren't expecting great grades because she's really really struggled during year 10 and 11 with an eating disorder, depression, self harm, lack of sleep and anxiety on top of everything else. I'm absolutely dreading next Thursday because even though she's got literally no self esteem and says she knows she's not passed anything I know she'll be devastated if her results are really bad. I have no idea how to help her or what the next steps will be and I'm just worried, overwhelmed and very emotional. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Thanks

Don't beat yourself up about the past, it's gone, there's nothing you can do, you've found, like a lot of other parents, that the school your DD attended was most unhelpful.

All of you as a family will need time to process the diagnosis and the treatment, be extra kind to each other while you all go through a period of re-adjustment and you all find new ways to do things.

After that, what you need to focus on is now and the future, with a particular emphasis on how you can help your DD.

Research as much as you can about the different types of ADHD and the interventions that can help.
Look up the different terminology and make sure you understand it, things like Executive Function and processing speed will perhaps enable you to understand your DD more.

Additude has a lot of information, but do look for a variety of sources.
www.additudemag.com/what-is-adhd-symptoms-causes-treatments/
www.additudemag.com/category/parenting-adhd-kids/

Lots of conditions overlap, so for example IF she has any sensory processing difficulties, this booklet explains things very well www.falkirk.gov.uk/services/social-care/disabilities/docs/young-people/Making%20Sense%20of%20Sensory%20Behaviour.pdf?

You ought to be pointed in the right direction for help and support after the diagnostic appointment, but services are cut to the bone in most areas, so expect to have to do an awful lot for yourself.
There will also be local FB groups, loads on youtube and your Council may have something available under their Local Offer.

Above all, take the time you need to go through the whole bewildering process of realising that your DD is different to her peers, but different does not mean wrong

Thanks @BlankTimes I really appreciate your advice. I'll have a look at those things now.

Hi we may be going through a similar thing. Have gone private after waiting ages for NHS appointment. Awaiting diagnosis. In the meantime I read this book which I really recommend if you can get hold of it - it’s called ‘Driven to Distraction’: Recognising and cooing with Attention Defecit Disorder from Childhood Through Adulthood’. It’s written by a psychiatrist with ADD and it’s very informative and made me full of hope that if my daughter does get the diagnosis she can be treated and live a fulfilling life. I wish you the best of luck. At least if you have a diagnosis now you can work from there.

Coping not cooing!

It is usual that teachers may flag things like this up. Make sure you look online for tips as there are lots of good resources out there. How to ADHD is a good YouTube channel to help you and your DD understand why she behaves the way she behaves sometimes and how to help. May I ask , did she have to do something called a qb test during this assesment?

@LotsofQuestions1
Yes she did a QB test.

If you don’t mind me asking, how did that go results wise? Was the test helpful in them telling you she had ADHD. My newly turned 13 year old has been referred for one.

@LotsofQuestions1 the QB test results confirmed the likelihood of ADHD along with the interview style sessions with us and the information they had from her therapy sessions. The school didn't reply to any of their requests for information but they said they had enough information without it. After the QB test results we were then referred for the psychiatric appointment.

QB and other similar tests are not diagnostic, they are screening tests, there's a big difference.
Screening tests are a method of selecting the most likely candidates for the actual diagnostic tests.

I am so sorry to hear this OP. I know exactly how you feel and can imagine how drained you all are. We are going through the same thing though DS had been diagnosed few years ago (at the age of 13) with sever ADHD and ODD. He is now 15. I actually came across your thread as I just started my own just here calling for similar help and advise.
It's so hard to to know what to do. Of course general issues of adolescence are thrown in and that make things so intense and even more confusing. What is ADHD and what is a typical 15yr old boy behaviour?
I think you got some good links above to start with so not much to add on that front I'm afraid.
I found great comfort in reading and educating myself about the topic but still a lot of the work needs to come from them for example exercising and eating well helps manage symptoms. It's difficult if motivation is very low and DS is so restless that he hardly ever finish a proper meal.
I can say that in our experience the medication helped a bit. Not sorted everything but take out the edge from the intensity.
I kind of written school off tbh or rather him achieving his full potential (he is very smart) because he just can't help himself with his symptoms. (DS about to sit his GCSEs this year). ADHD kids are often behind on maturity so they can't always see that putting the hard work now will pay later. They don't make the link between cause and effect. It's so sad for us but the prospects of endless fighting while knowing things are out of his control is not an option. It's heartbreaking.
I wish you all the very best with the diagnosis and treatment.

@Beakerpeaker I am
Going to look for this book. Thanks

Wondering how things went OP.

My own dd was diagnosed just before she turned 19. She had to leave 6th form part way through because her attendance was so bad. At the time, we thought we were dealing with depression.

Since finding an ADHD medication that worked for her, her motivation has increased, she gets up at a reasonable hour and exercises most days. This week we have been practising taking a train and bus to college where she is due to start A levels in September.

Medication and learning about ADHD has helped but we really need help with scaffolding/structure so that she doesn’t rely so heavily on other people. There are times when the messiness/last-minuteness give the impression of being slapdash/not caring but she is also a perfectionist who berates herself for getting things wrong.

We have been turned down for an EHCP for college; we went private for the psych assessment as the local ADHD service waiting list is over 2 years long.Because of no EHCP & because she isn’t estranged from us, she won’t get any help with living expenses/travel costs etc. and the only “therapy” we can access via the NHS is CBT via IAPT which is aimed at depression/anxiety & which wasn’t tailored to the individual when she tried it before.

Sorry, that turned into a whinge rant - my point is that if your dd is diagnosed, you probably stand a better chance of accessing behavioural therapy etc while she is under 18 or at least being in the system prior to 18.

Just wondering how you got on? Did you move schools?