SLEEP HELP .....

[Frazzledbutcalm]

Need help desperately with dd’s sleep. She’s 16 and her sleep is just getting worse and worse. We’ve tried absolutely everything. She has asd, a few other things ... and also, we think, chronic fatigue. At the moment she isn’t falling asleep until between 5.30 and 7 am. She wakes up anytime between 2.30 and 4.30 pm.

Any advice on how to turn her around?

Probably got nothing else to do during lockdown. I can't say I blame her. Unless it's bothering her(then speak to gp) I'd remind her she needs to go to collage after lockdown and you'll make sure her routine is back to normal for then and she also needs a job. I'd say it's normal.

Thanks mai .,, i think I might have worded it wrong. it does bother her, she wants to sleep earlier, she wants to wake up earlier ... it’s been ongoing for years, not just lockdown unfortunately. She feels exhausted constantly. She wants to be ‘normal’ .., over the years we have literally tried everything ...

Have you tried an essential oils diffuser? We tried bergamot, ylang ylang and one other, I think it was lavender. Am mindful that you said you've already tried everything. It did help us during a particularly bad stage. We're currently using 1 or 2 melatonin tabs as needed, but I often hear my son at 1 or 2am (he's 14, ASD). It's really hard as you can't really relax properly until you know they are asleep.

Haven’t tried a diffuser .. but we’ve tried various scents/oils on tissues (which still keep their smell til the morning) She has melatonin but has now stopped taking them again as they make no difference whatsoever. We’re literally at a loss. I go to bed and sleep at my usual time to be honest ... there’s no way I could stay awake til 5. 30 am! To be fair she’s sensible and not a risk in ways that other are ... otherwise I would definitely have to stay up. She just wants a more normal sleep pattern.

Hi I'm sorry miss understood...
Lavender drops on pillow lavender baths right before school. After her tea try getting her to put her phone down and watch something chilled, even better a book but make sure the big light is turned off and get a cheap lamp- very helpful.

Ideally read a book. Although she is a teenager so maybe a documentary on something she's interested in. Make sure you both have a positive mindset about it. Like could say something like "this lavender stuff is meant to be amazing I've seen reviews of people with chronic sleep deprivation use this and had best sleep in years. Also smells nice as well"

Ask her to try going to sleep about half nine... and say you will wake her up at 9 and you can do something (even just a walk/shop). And say if you had a bad sleep you will just keep coming up every hour and a half.

I think key may be positivity and make her feel like she is actually in control.

Also say you have a feeling all these things together may help.

Make sure maybe tea at 5 send her up for a bath after with lavender, then a documentary in her room with the dim light. Maybe sit with her no giggle convos obvs but just even sit there with her and say my heads hurting can I turn off the lamp?

Then mayve around half eight give her some soup not a lot but a full stomach.

Then after send her up to sleep, keep all lights in the house Dim.

Sorry for how long it was but I feel awful for her.

Hope this helps, I have more tips if this doesn't work xx

Feel for you as our 13 year old is back to waking at night after a few blissful (for us) full nights of sleep when school started. We really struggled during lockdown, the thing that worked the most was getting him out of the house for a walk early-ish and trying to keep waking and sleeping times regular, even at the weekend, which has all gone to pot now school has started. He's incredibly sensitive to clothes and house noises and light too and his brain seems to switch on at night. Oh and the phone gets taken away at 9.30 each night under huge protest.

DD (ASD) saw a specialist about this who had a list of good ideas. Might be harder to implement with a 16 year old though (she was 11 at the time and wouldn't go for some of the requirement). It made a big difference. DD found during lockdown that she needed to get up at 8am every morning (she's now 14, so very un-teenager behaviour) to make sure she could sleep at night.

Roughly, this was the plan:

No screens at all for an hour before bedtime. This hour (with lowish lighting) is to be spent doing some of the following:

reading (but not too much as the therapist thought it wakes them back up again if they get really into the plot);
something which involves fine motor skills like sewing, drawing colouring, jigsaws, etc;
play a game;
a small snack (but nothing with sugar in - sorry, I've lost the list of suggestions she had);
the people round her have to do this too (so DS and I did a lot of drawing) so she doesn't feel singled out.

Because your DD is so radically out of wack with sleep times, just make her bedtime about 20 minutes earlier every day (working back from the actual sleep time).

Once in bed, no more that 15 minutes reading time, then light out.