Pursuing an ASD diagnosis in an unwilling teen

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My 14 year old son has a previous diagnosis of AD(H)D and dyslexia (v slow processing). The ADHD diagnosis was given age 10 by the community paed following concerns of inattention/distraction from school and us and the dyslexia diagnosis from a private Ed Psych assessment; again pushed for by us.

Fast forward a few years and he is now having some clear difficulties which I believe point in the direction of ASD; in particular anxieties and phobias and friendship issues. Amongst many other worries. Also an absolute explosive temper at home although school report a polite and well mannered boy. Recently we sought help from a pyschologist for his anxieties which were overwhelming him and he engaged with her for a few sessions but then refused to go anymore.

I don't want to further damage our currently terrible relationship by seeking further help but I do feel that a dx of ASD does fit. My husband feels it is a waste of time to pursue at this stage because school are already aware of his ADD/dyslexia and he does get extra time for this in exams but any extra help they have offered he has flatly refused, not wanting to look different. Would it be helpful to pursue this anyway? The school SENco is also aware and has hinted at ASD but doesn't want to do anything because of how our son has reacted to input from her and the school; ie v v negatively!

Does anyone have any help or advice? We are at our wits end with him really, and I am beyond worried. Thanksx

Ds is 15 and was diagnosed with autism last year. We approached the school when he was in year 9 to query autism. School did refer him for assessment and we didn't tell Ds until the first appointment came through. He was not impressed!

It took 15 months from referral to diagnosis in September last year. Ds is still not impressed and is in a bit of denial about things. He blames me (not his Dad) for his autism diagnosis.

I don't regret pursuing a diagnosis though and I think in the long run it will be beneficial for him.

Ds also hates any extra support or looking different, although the school don't offer much. He has come round a bit after the initial sen plan. He now is okay having a weekly mentoring session with a TA and has also had some counselling at school.

I don't think it's too late for you to pursue a diagnosis, it may give you and your Ds some answers and help in understanding some of his behaviours. An autism assessment and diagnosis is pretty hard going in the teenage years but for us we knew that Ds needed it, even if he thinks he doesn't at the moment! We are really appalled though at the lack of post diagnosis support from the NHS, paediatrician gave us a handout and that was it.

Thanks so much for your reply. That is so helpful. My sons school are actually being very helpful but ds is turning down all offers of help. Refuses to engage with us in any way about any issues he is having and currently very angry and resentful all round. We have another meeting with the school tomorrow and I am going to see what they say about trying to get a dx. Although the lack of support post diagnosis is so concerning!
Thank you again for your reply x

My now 18yr old flatly refused and there was nothing I could do about it.

Dan really sorry my comments distressed you. It was not my intention to upset anyone on this thread.

Ds is a teenager and things can be difficult (as they can with NT teens). He is finding it hard to come to terms with his diagnosis but we will continue to support him with this.

As a loving, compassionate parent you sometimes have to make choices that your children find difficult. Ds's best interests are and always will be at the heart of our decisions.