Holiday Challenges

[Thisisnoteasy]

I would really appreciate some advice. My DD is just 12, diagnosed ADHD and anxiety. On low dose meds for anxiety. Just finished year 7 and done remarkably well - some social challenges but as the school said, she is not hugely on their radar - great. We have just got back from a week abroad with a group of 5 other families in a large house (ie plenty of space) - all friends from primary who we know well and including two friends of her age who are very lovely girls. But she massively struggled. All she wanted to do was to stay in her room and not engage. I arranged for her to have her own room to help minimise stress. She massively missed home and her routines. I absolutely knew that there may be some challenges but I am really shocked as to how challenging this was for her. All she wants to do is to play on her phone / computer and be on her own because, as she says, she is anti-social and doesn't like company (that is not true - she is desperate for friends and has some good friendships (some...). She isn't formally ASD diagnosed but certainly has some autistic traits. But after this week, I am really struggling to understand her behaviour. But am I being naive and perhaps given her profile this was always going to be a challenge for her. Or is this typical teenage behaviour given her profile. I need another perspective as I am struggling here.

Ds is 15 and is currently being assessed for asd. We don't actually have any experience of adhd though.

He is very socially isolated and has no friends. Has spent the majority of the summer holidays alone on his computer. We are away for a few nights and he would rather be at home in his bedroom. The first 24hrs of the holiday were difficult, he struggled to cope. He is managing now but not really enjoying himself. He also hates the break in routine and likes the security of familiar surroundings.

We are not sure really on how to help Ds so I guess I'm not very helpful but I know this kind of behaviour is certainly not unusual for those with autism.

It's so difficult for young people with additional needs as the teenage years are difficult enough without the added issues they have to deal with.

My DS could cope with this sort of holiday only if we had firstly consulted him about it and agreed on it and got his "buy in" and then had imposed some structure to the holiday so meal times quite set in time/location/structure. Days have largely the same routine. However with 5 families this would have been difficult. Forcing my DS leads to him retreating. He has ADD and waiting to see if he has ASD but we think not as he does have friends but does need a lot of downtime after being social. My DS likes going on holiday but often says he would prefer to be at home. He even says he prefers to be home when we go out for the day.

Thank you so much both. There is so much that resonates in both your messages - the first 24 hours being difficult, the forcing your DS leads to him retreating, needing a lot of downtime after being social, preferring to be at home. These ring so many bells with me. We are away again for another week and so I will do even more of the buying in in terms of plans / routines / where she will sleep / what will make it easier for her. Very challenging but feeling a bit less alone.

I think you are definitely doing the right thing in thinking about the routines etc. This is a learning curve for us too as Ds did cope better when he was younger and the transition to secondary and puberty have made things so much more difficult as his coping mechanisms have fallen apart.

We find giving Ds a timetable or telling him in advance can really help. He also has a restricted diet so our food choices when away are often based around his needs. We have come back tonight from our break and he was straight to his bedroom. Ds is very similar in that he needs lots of down time after social interaction. We often say he needs to de-people!!

It is hard work but it sounds like you are planning well for your next trip. You are not alone in struggling with this but I know it can really feel like that at times. 💐

Restricted diet is so hard when travelling or going out for the day. Another stressful meal out this evening after a matinee performance of the theatre. Went for a matinee as he had a melt down about being too late after the theatre a couple of weeks ago. He would prefer it if he could have a plain Byron burger each time we went out but have another DC who wants more interesting food. We go to the theatre not the cinema as he only goes to the cinema to eat popcorn he likes watching films at home. Sigh, making multiple adjustments for a day out becomes the norm but quite tiring and frustrating.