son won't help himself

[gotin2amess]

My youngest son will be 18 in a few weeks time. he has some underlying needs (possibly related to autism) but he has refused to attend any assessment and will not go to the GP about any of the issues related to anxiety that he experiences.

He stopped attending school at the end of Y9, due to anxiety and he has no real formal qualifications and no work experience. He has acquired two jobs: the first lasted half a day, before he left never to return; the second lasted two half days before he left. He will not consider voluntary work or unpaid traineeships.

I am going to be blatantly honest here, but I am sick of applying for jobs for him, encouraging him to seek training; paying for everything he needs (I must admit he does not ask for much) and seeing him just waste his time away. He is an intelligent young man, but he is totally socially and economically isolated.

He is a lovely, vulnerable and childlike young person, but he just will not accept help and he is crashing towards Universal Credit and the government's big +++++++ty stick of targets and sanctions.

Well I've said it now

Hi Got

I'm afraid I don't know what the answer is but didn't want your post to go unanswered.

I also worry about my daughter who has qualifications but also has a severe and enduring mental health condition which affects her performance at interviews (but she is in denial about this and won't address the problem)

She has walked out of her last 2 jobs with no thought to the consequence and about to join the ranks of the unemployed once her course ends. She had PIP denied at renewal because she won't engage with mental health services and had been discharged!

She doesn't want to come home which if I'm honest is a relief but she'll be lucky to find somewhere to rent on benefits. I started counselling today to help me cope.

Its tough out there even for kids who don't have issues. Hope you can encourage your son to do something. Maybe when he signs on that will be enough to force him into action?

Thank you for the reply. I think I am just very frustrated and scared for him

I do not want to label anyone, but if he really has mental health issues that are preventing him from engaging in life, he needs help. If, as he professes, he does not need help, then he needs to accept that life involves moving out of our comfort zones.

His brother is nearly 20 and is in residential care (ASD and mental illness). However, he is engaging in voluntary work and attending therapeutic courses. He seems so much happier now he is getting out and meeting other people.

I just wish my youngest would find some form of occupation. I think he will simply stop engaging with the Job Centre, once he signs on. It seems to be a pattern.

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Have you checked out remploy for your son? They may be able to help

Also you can go with your son to the job centre to support his visit and ask them for extrahelp

Hello Righteous,

Thank you for responding. My son has now had his birthday and, as part of his present, I enrolled him onto a Level 2 online Fitness course. So far, he is working hard, but I do have to sit next to him to help him take notes and to advise him on answering the questions (he has not been in formal education for such a long time).

We decided not to sign on at the Job Centre just yet because if my son can engage with this course and perhaps get a few hours work, this seems more like the gentle introduction he needs.

I still wonder if I am making the correct decision. I suppose, I will just have to review the situation.

Evening gotin2 that sounds like a gentle introduction. We have been helping a chap who is in his late 30s by taking him to job centre, finding out about courses etc. It took the best part of 18 months to get him to prepare for and pass a CSCS (basic construction health & safety test to allow him to work on building sites as a labourer). He ended up doing a work trial instead of interview with Groundworks Charity. He has been paid working for 2 months now & really engaging with his new colleagues despite going out of his comfort zone and expanding it! . Hoping he will stay on track . Best wishes to you and your son. It is a long slog but if you can shown in his far he has progressed it will give him courage