Problems at 6th form (DS 17 ASD)

[notaflyingmonkey]

I realise posts on this board don't tend to get much in the way of responses, but I'm posting in the hope someone may be able to help me as I am feeling desperately stressed.

DS is in his second year of 6th form, doing A levels. He has been struggling with the social aspects of college, and they have raised concerns about his behaviour, which they consider to be inappropriate. The problem is, I think that the behaviour stems from his Autism, and his trying to fit in, and saying and doing things that he thinks will get him accepted.

He has an EHCP which as far as I can see has barely been looked at. There seems to be an expection that he should have to access the support he needs, whereas I know that for him that is like expecting someone in a wheelchair to access the stairs (which is why it was all detailed in his EHCP). His anxiety is now through the roof, and he fears expulsion which whilst it isn't the worst thing in the world in the general scheme of things, I think will cause his self esteem to plummit even further.

Anyone have any advice for me please?

Is there anything in the EHCP which will help your son in this situation? If so, have a meeting at school and let them know they are failing him.

There seems to be an expection that he should have to access the support he needs,

My dd's school did this, I was told it's supposed to encourage independence and is based on the sort of help given at Uni. It only works for kids who already know what help they need, the ones who know their own strengths and weaknesses. Some of our kids with ASD, mine included couldn't pinpoint the areas they needed help with.

Again, go in and meet with the staff then follow-up in writing. I know it's a pain but you have to advocate for him if he can't do it himself.

You also need to get on top of the inappropriate behaviour, watch some youtube videos about socialising that are made for autistic kids and teens and practise with him what is and is not appropriate. Emphasise that copying some other teens' behaviour isn't a great idea, he has to know how to behave in public.
Again, alert school to the fact he's clueless because of his ASD and ask for their help and a plan to help him.

Some of our kids have a very low emotional age compared to their physical age. Make sure teachers are aware before they dole out any sanctions.

I know how hard it is, but you have to be That Parent and you need to be his advocate because right now he is not capable of advocating for himself. He doesn't have that level of maturity.

Basically you'll have to go into school and educate them on your son's disabilities and precisely how his autism affects his communication.

Schools (and PIP assessors!) only tend to see things like the academic achievement then extrapolate a whole host of erroneous assumptions from that along the lines of He's very intelligent so of course he can pick up on inferences, understand body language, plan to have the right things for the right lessons, understand hints etc.

Good Luck

Thank you BlankTimes for such a supportive response. I have always been 'That Parent' in advocating for him at school, etc. I think the mistake I made (or one of them) was assuming that his transition into adulthood was the same as that for NT teens, with all the usual pitfalls. Essentially I took my eye off the ball and now we are in crisis mode.

I am on p3 of my notes in preparation for the meeting at college. (I may also have had way too much coffee and not enough sleep though).

Don't blame yourself for taking your eye off the ball, it's such a difficult time for our kids.
Frankly I think there needs to be a lot more autism awareness in schools and FE.(and in the workplace) Currently if your child is somewhere where the school get it, it's great but in the schools that treat them like NT peers "because they are intelligent enough to understand" it's dire.

Well done for cracking on with it, I know how hard it is, my mantra when it gets tough is 'I can and I will'.

hi, Ds1 has an EHCP for autism and is doing A levels. His Sixth Form have a SEN club (and by this point anyone in it is academically able) which just provides a smaller group which is easier to be sociable in. Ds also does lots of community work within the school, so he mentors others who are younger, this again helps regulate his social skills, because invariably year 7 pupils are less sophisticated socially than a Year 12, even with less able social communication skills.

Ds is having a good time and working hard too. But he is very much on the radar of his school, and the EHCP although not followed to the letter bring extra funding which enables them to have a few more staff members who are pastoral.

I also have experience of Ds1 having a terrible time in Sixth Form (although things improved in Year 13) because his dyspraxia was not really met, and he certainly refused to access help when it was offered because it came too little too late. He got through and survived with mediocre grades (which we were thrilled he managed to get) and is now at uni. It was a massive learning curve, and we had to intervene several times to keep him there and doing A levels as he threatened to bail out quite often, although school weren't try to get rid of him.

Ds1 had supportive teachers just they never seemed to pick up on just why he was having these difficulties or intervene in the right way, but their heart was in the right place and they did keep him there and get him through to uni, so I suppose all teachers want to help your child, I think it is difficult to remember when as a parent you are struggling to communicate that the hardworked staff ARE on their pupils' side ultimately and they Do want to Help. Ds1 was at a different school from Ds2 btw!!!

Ds1 was also (and I now mention this to everyone I meet at the risk of boring people to death on the matter) VITAMIN D deficient. I think this is quite common on teens who socialise less and don't do sport in the summer months. When his vitamin d deficiency was established by chance, and corrected with a big supplement on prescription by doctors he was much happier and less tricksy. We found out in Feb of Year 12, when his behaviour had began to unravel. So check or give daily over the counter basic supplement (10mg or 25 mg) if you think this might be an issue (sunlight in summer months I mean)

small clubs also helped ds1, in his case choir and orchestra. Ds2 who has autism, likes Chess Club, Badminton Club and mentoring. He also does Drama A level which helps channel some inappropriate responses (which he seems to have stopped having since he was 13)

Thanks for the responses Nettle.

My DD's college was more like this too - support was really good but they had to go to them and ask. University is also like that I would add, but she is getting really good support, everything she asks for is granted and she got a one off grant to spend on "anything that will help her" so she used it to quit her job (she lives at home as university is 2 miles away)

Just browsing through the boards OP and came across your post. Have you managed to resolve anything?

I have always been That Parent and had to fight for what my son needs but as a result he is doing fabulously well at a specialist college for students with autism. Happy to share our experiences.