19 year old refuses to move out of parents house

[Inezkask]

Hello, I am the sister of my 19 year old brother. I am writing this on behalf of my mother with her permission (as her english is not very good) to post for help or advice on kicking him out to the correct facility.
He has no job, expects them to pay for everything, he goes to college and he is having rehabilitation for his motorcycle accident, he also has been suspected to be on the autism spectrum.
You can't tell that he has problems or that he is troubled and there is not a day that goes by that our family argue because of his actions. He knows fully well what he is doing and admits he is being a pain on purpose. This has happened more and more so.
We have tried everything. We had a family support mentor to help but that did not change anything due to him refusing her help. We took her advice on changing ourselves to him, which only made things worse.
He recently threatened to commit suicide, 2 days after a friend of mine took his own life. My brother explained the rEason for him wanting to take his life is because my father yells at him.
My brother refuses to change even though we have tried to change for him to make things better at home. He controls me and my younger siblings. Sister who is 7 and brother who is 8. Everyday they complain and cry because Nestor is controlling what they do, say or eat. Doesn't matter what they do he complains and takes control, becoming the parent to ChildRen that are not his.
My mother has been on nitrazepam for years due to his behaviour, she has no help and nowhere to go because she can't escape him. My father has been under constant stress due to everyone complaining to him that my brother is yet again tearing us apart because he wants things done his way.
I am now barely home and escape to my partners house for a long weekend and sometimes in the week because of the trouble and stress at home that just doesn't stop.
We keep telling my brother to move out, to look for help lines, to ask around who could help. He refuses to think he asks where he should look and we tell him to go on the Internet. Too much thinking causes him to shut down and refuse any more information. We are sick and tired if him constantly not thinking and being lazy. He uses suicide as a way to get us to change and uses his accident and suspected autism as a way of controlling and manipulating others. Aka our family the most.
I am finally helping my mum find a way of getting rid of him as he refuses to find a job, transport and somewhere else to live. We are happy to help but only from a distance as him living here only causes us all to argue and isolate ourselves from eachother.

Can anyone help us find a place for him where he can do his own thing or guide is to the right person or helpline as we have searched everywhere and none of the suggestions match our situation.

Thank you very much, from me and my mother.

Sorry about all the questions, Absolutely no need to answer them here, but they might give you some other ideas about how he can live independently.

What income does he have?
Student loan, grant or anything?

Does he have any special needs support at College?

What professionals have said they suspect he's on the autism spectrum? If it's just his own or the family's assumption, then no-one will take any notice. Without a formal medical diagnosis of autism, he'll get no help educationally. Support for adults diagnosed with autism is scant to say the least.

Does his college have student accommodation? If so, sort him out with that starting as soon as possible. Ask the college about funding.

We keep telling my brother to move out, to look for help lines, to ask around who could help. He refuses to think he asks where he should look and we tell him to go on the Internet. Too much thinking causes him to shut down and refuse any more information. We are sick and tired if him constantly not thinking and being lazy

Without any assessments or diagnoses, it's impossible to say if he's being lazy or if there's any genuine reason for his behaviour. There's a vast difference between being far too lazy to bother and being unable to do those tasks for himself. Assessment(s) would give you the answers.

If he's "only" unwilling to move out, could your family rent him a room in a shared house or a bedsit which is near his college and present it to him as a done deal, 'From [date] you will be living at [place] on your own. You will be expected to [list everything he has to do for himself and can afford in minute detail like getting himself to and from College at the right times, buying food, keeping the place clean and not annoying any neighbours]
Our expectations of you in your new-found independence are [list]
We will [pay your rent for a maximum of 2 years or whatever you all agree on, until you are qualified to earn enough to cover it yourself]

Hi, he has a bursary from college, that's about his only income. There's extra from insurance but it's a slow process so he won't get any money for a while.

He has no special needs support at college as he is able to do the work himself.

His student support mentor suggested to my parents that he may be on the spectrum due to certain things he was doing and saying. He's currently being assessed by an nhs team to see how far on the spectrum he is and what they can do to help. But it's been months since we got anywhere with any information.

His college does not have student accommodation unfortunately... we even asked the head of the college and she said they don't do it unless people live a certain amount of miles away.

He is currently unwilling to move out simply because he doesn't know how to, today I even told him exactly where to go and he was still asking me what to do just after I told him.
It's almost as if he says it for the sake of it. Asking questions how to move out where to go but him actually leaving I don't see.

There may be some info on this thread as well.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3318103-To-wonder-why-he-is-like-this-possibly-offensive-content?pg=1]

He's currently being assessed by an nhs team to see how far on the spectrum he is and what they can do to help. But it's been months since we got anywhere with any information

Push, create a paper trail, keep on and on.

None of us with kids with SN have ever got anywhere without fighting for every morsel of either information or help.

You need to keep asking for the information you need, when is the next appointment, who with? Ring their secretary and tell them he is available to take someone else's cancelled appointment at short notice.

The autistic spectrum is not a linear scale, this will give you a better idea, the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/