15 year old aspie girl in north london with no friends

[crouchendmother]

My daughter is 15 and just diagnosed with high functioning Asperger's. She is really struggling to make friends, partly because her interests are not the normal 15 year old girl interests [ she loves all things Japanese including the culture and loves and wants to work in video games] and is doesn't help that her social skills are not great. I am really hoping there may be some sort of social club for teenagers with ASD in North London as it is heartbreaking to see her feel so invisible and isolated. Any ideas gratefully received!

Contact your social work department and ask about schemes or organisations for teenagers with HFA
My daughter is exactly the same I can’t get her to socialise she prefers drawing anime online and she sells what she’s drawn online. She’s also high functioning.she spends her time yapping online to others like her.
The social work put my daughter through a buddy scheme.
Kids who love anime all share one love and that’s comic con events..look out for them in your area. It’s probably the only time HIgh functioning kids feel normal and talk to others
Wish I could help more

it was so wonderful to get your reply to my post...Amazing to hear about your daughter , how similar they sound.
I have booked tickets for comic con, my daughter said she always wanted to go but forgot to mention it, so thanks to you she can now go! A buddy scheme sounds brilliant, we are in Haringey council, is that where I start to contact the social team?

Yes contact them or best go in and see them, ask what groups they have in the area for your daughter or what help they can provide for you as a family and ask about buddy schemes. Look online see what they have as well, even contact your local council office or school. I’m up in Scotland so different councils and social works operate different things My daughter is a little older she’s about to turn 18 and off to college in August to do animation, and only found out last year she was high functioning.

Hope she enjoys her trip to comic con.

thanks so much that all looks great, will have a go at a buddy scheme. Fab to hear your daughter is off to study animation, great news! The hardest bit for these girls seems to be school where they don't meet many with their same passions, but once on their chosen course, fingers crossed they can get to enjoy life and have more control. I hope the college goes well.. is your daughter staying in Scotland to study or coming south?

Hi Crouchendmother

Do contact Haringey's Autism Team who should be able to advise. There is an autism youth club held weekly in Haringey which may be of interest and occasional outings in school holidays.

I have two boys with ASD, both teenagers so I do understand. I live in Haringey: PM me if you want to chat or meet up x

Hi hope you still get replies to this thread, i'm not local to you but do you think your daughter would want an old fashioned penpal? My 14 1/2 daughter most probably has high functioning Aspergers and also has no one with her interests which are video games mostly, and she wants to go to Japan and compose music for video games! She won't do social media or forums etc but might write letters?

they sound ideal friends! dd also loves japan and loves the music for games; we spent an evening watching a concert of just Zelda music at Wembly last year! emails are fine! Whereabouts do you live? If you have an email I can pass it on, also more likely to happen in the holidays as she has exams etc at the moment so a bit full on.

I'll pm you

resourcesforautism.org.uk/ have social clubs in NW11 and NW2

You forget just how many children/teens & adults there are struggling to cope with daily life when you're so locked in your own family environment. I have a 17yr old daughter who wasn't diagnosed as being on the Autistic spectrum until she was 13yrs old.To say it's been hard doesn't even come close. My daughter really struggled with main stream school as they weren't supportive at all.My daughter was excluded in Nov 2013 an didn't receive her diagnosis until Apr 2014 so I had no grounds at the time to appeal. She's now been out of education for 6yrs she has no confidence in herself low self esteem an no social skills resulting in no friends. I do have another daughter who is 12 mths younger but all they do is bikker and argue. We have had numerous organisations involved over the years but my daughter refuses to speak to anyone she still can't accept her autism diagnosis which is a battle in itself.She has good days an bad but most of the time she is really depressed an even wishes that she doesn't want to live anymore which is heartbreaking to hear.My daughter is a very funny and witty girl who is really into her makeup I think she could have a career in this field if only she had the confidence to pursue it.As a mother I'm really stuck as how I can help her it's so frustrating to see on a daily basis as it's literally like ground hog day every day she is with me all day every day an it's having an effect on our relationship I just don't know what to do any ideas would be much appreciated

im so sorry to hear it that sounds so hard. I really sympathize with the loneleness that comes from her exclusion and how tough it is on the parents too.
I wish I had some suggestions but am in early days with it all myself.
The only thing that I keep being told is to get dd on to her special interests soon as possible so she feels more in control.
the fact that your daughter has an interest is really helpful and maybe you can find her something or somewhere to go with it .
I wish you all the best with the journey you are on as I really know how hard it is.

Isolated doesn't have to mean lonely. Most people with autism struggle socially and it is a lifelong issue. I am very socially isolated but I am never lonely. I go out and even socialise but maintaining long term relationships of any sort is beyond me. I'm writing this not to make you worry for your daughter perhaps things will be easier for her but I would encourage you to foster independence in her so that even if she ends up with few friends she will never be lonely.

Just seen your posts. We aren't local to you but I want to try to reassure that they do find their place, they make friends even if it's quite like other kids. My daughter is Korea obsessed but is into Japanese cultural stuff as well, quite common with asd yp. Sixth form was easier as the larger college had other kids just like her. University has just started and they have an asd social group!

My tip is to find groups based on her interests rather than specifically asd groups, church youth orgs are another option as they tend to be very welcoming (my daughter is a chorister and they go out after practice involving her and others who are quirky, of which many are!) Hang in there, support as needed and encourage new activities - we found she needed organised activities a lot older than my typical daughter but since 15, apart from school none have been specifically for special needs

My Aspy DD (now 16) had a similar Japanese fixation for a while. Manga mostly: Bleach, Deathnote, that sort of stuff - this lead her to want to go to a comic con - Cosplaying a favourite character. Possibly, for her, the best thing she has ever done.

I don't know if you have ever been to a con but, once the initial stress of getting in there is over, the places are stuffed full of geeky obsessives. Having an Aspy daughter, and having now attended many cons - we sell at them now - I can tell you the places are magnets for autistic teens. They can be bewildering and mindboggling - especially to a middle-aged man but they are insanely friendly and inviting events.

My DD is gay and she met her first real girlfriend at a con.

My son used the playstation to help build friendships - the option where they can chat on line through headsets. The therapist said it works for him because he did not need to make eye contact / read facial expressions or social queues etc. It helped his friendships and confidence enormously.