How to help AS teen get friends

[sergeantmajor]

14 yo ds1 has Aspergers, with an extreme aversion to making social overtures, even though he does enjoy the company of others. This has led to him being isolated and lonely.

If he was happy in his own company, I'd be inclined to leave him be and not stress him with social interaction. But he is not happy and the more isolated he becomes, the less interaction he has, and it's a negative cycle.

He seems liked by others in his class, but he does not engage with them. He avoids them, deliberately taking a different school bus.

How can I help him? I'm due to talk to the SENCO at his school but I haven't a clue what to propose.

In the past I have forced him to group activities (scouts and a local youth club) which he actually enjoyed and continued going to willingly. But he has outgrown them.

In the past I could call up mums to arrange playdates but that is ludicrous now for a 14 yo with a (totally unused) mobile phone.

I can barely talk to him about the subject because it is very sensitive and stressful for him.

I would be very very grateful for any suggestions or to hear from anyone with similar experiences.

Waving from over here - DD2 is newly diagnosed but all the comments above resonate. She has a group of friends at the moment, year below her at school, because they are all. Into LGBT issues. She says she doesn't like people in her year. Last year she had 2 friends in her year because they were all into vegetarianism. She is friends with whoever likes what she does (learnt a new word upthread!)
Outside school she enjoys police cadets - I think it's learning about law and rules that she likes. She hasn't particularly made friends there though - and occasionally she has missed a session which has involved e.g. Standing up and presenting something

It's so sad that there are so many young people finding it tough and so many of your comments reflect our experience. It seems this is an age group that just isn't supported. There are loads of groups for children. The only adult ASD social group I can find through my local NAS group is one that meets in a pub, aged 18+. DD may be turning 18 but she is not socially or emotionally ready for that type of socialising, and her Social Anxiety would rule out her walking into a pub by herself to join a group of people she does not know!