ASD son has withdrawn £100s from his account!

[TotallyUtterlyDesperate]

Name change says it all - we are now at the end of our tether completely and I am sitting here shaking at what will kick off when our son comes home.

He is 21 and has mild ASD and learning difficulties. Over the last few days he has been behaving a bit strangely - furtive and angry in turns. Today, we have discovered that he has withdrawn nearly £1000 from his account and has bought 3 very expensive cameras - just about identical. Two of them in the last few days.

We were trying to help him work towards independence and so allowed him his card to get about £20 per week from his account. Now it looks as if he has gone stark staring mad by buying these things. He already had a basic camera which he has no idea how to use anyway!

I am now shaking with nerves as I just know everything will kick off with him and DH when he gets home. Some backstory - both DH and I are very ill ourselves. DH is disabled and retired from work about 10 years ago. I have a long-term chronic illness and have only just returned to work after 5 months off. We just can't take any more aggression and violence from DS - one minute he is like a little child - sweet, cuddly and lovely. The next, he does something crazy like this and kicks off!

DH wants him to leave, but I worry myself sick because he is like a 10 year old in a man's body. Just don't know what to do - feeling sick and ill again.

Heck. How did it go last night?

OK, back to basics with him I think. Clearly your DS doesn't yet have the skills to work out the value of money versus his need to collect items. I'm on the autism spectrum and I know how hard it can be for many of us to use 'common sense' for this kind of stuff. Can the cameras be returned?

The aggression and violence isn't something you should be putting up with. Have you contacted social services to explain that you are in physical danger and that because of your own disabilities this is a severe risk that they must assess immediately? Might sound horribly scary/cruel to do something like this, but you are in need of outside help and the local authority is able to provide this. In fact the law says they absolutely must (Autism Act 2009).

A parent whose daughter was attacking her (and who had already tried all the reasonable approaches to solving it) was advised to call in the police. She chatted with the police officers unofficially first, and they were great - they turned up to talk with the daughter and carefully explained that hitting is wrong and if she did it again, they might have to arrest her and put her in prison for it. It made a big impact on this, and the mum feels much safer as a result. Again, sounds scary, but a good local policeperson will be a useful friend in helping someone with an ASD to understand really clear rules on behaviour.

It's ok to hit pillows and cushions, it's never ok to hit people.

Might be worth thinking about a Power of Attorney of some kind if the money situation is out of control - where you'd have control of the money rather than him?

Just ideas. None might suit, but it's a starting point. Are you in contact with MENCAP or the National Autistic Society? They're both great for advice, info and support for a lot of parents.

amberlight - many thanks for your suggestions, I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my ramble.

By the time he came home, we had calmed down a lot and were able to talk to him quietly. DS just burst into tears as he has obviously been really worried what we would do when we found out. DH has spent the day trying to get the shops to refund the cameras - they may not as he has used them. On the other issues, we are thinking about what we are going to do. We need to sort out some things for the future as we are both ill and in our 50s. Many of your suggestions will be very helpful.

...maybe selling them on EBay would be a good plan? You might get most of the money back that way.
Really hope things go ok...

Good news! Thanks to DH ringing the shop and pleading our case, I was able to take the most expensive camera in today (hour's drive each way) and get a full refund - really pleased. Now to try deal with the other two!