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SN children

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Original poster

the gap

28 replies

Jimjams · 03/07/2003 20:34

We've been talking about the gap between our children and their peers in other threads. think I'm feeling it at the moment. We had the two weeks in France which was quite tough. Also ds2's language is starting to kick in (not speech but langauge) and that old bittersweet feeling is there. Lovely to see but depressing when I realise that ds1 is on a par lnagauge wise with his 17 month old brother (possibly slightly behind - and STIll we have no speech therapy on the horizon- then I feel guilty becuase I haven't done any speech therapy with him today- or yesterday come to that).

The today ds1 had a practice day at school (mainstream). I had to stay obviously - the other mothers left. It started badly. We had to go in a different entrance from before, then queue (oh god). Ds1's teacher bent down to say hello and he smacked her in the face!!!!!! He's not normally like that either- he was very stressed. Then it was just the gap- right there - and I just thought "oh god how is this going to work?" If it can work then this school will manage it- but I really have doubts.

I have a lovely glass of red wine. Positive thoughts needed now. Help me out please!

OP posts:

lou33 · 03/07/2003 21:05

Oh God Jimjams I know what you mean. Ds1 went for a trip to his new school today too, and we took ds2 along. There were loads of babies with their mums, sitting up and playing, crawling etc, and ds2 wanted to join in. But my point is they were babies, not nearly 2 1/2 like ds2 is. And he wasn't even as advanced as them, mostly aged about a year, 18 months. He spent most of his time sittng in his wheelchair buggy, asking to get out (his speech is very good), but when he finally did it was , as usual glaringly obvious how behind he is. Still fiercely proud of him though.

Actually while he was trying to get about, another mum said she recognised us from the place he has his physio. Turns out her son, who is about to start school with ds1, visits there for OT and ST, and is Autistic (but not being statemented). I thought about you at that point, and wondered how you were doing with regards to ds1's schooling.

So nothing positive to add but big cyberhugs to you anyway .

fio2 · 03/07/2003 21:14

oh jimjams Im sure sure you know about my two from the other thread and to be honest I try not to think about it too much. But your feelings are normal about your eldest starting school, I felt like that when my dd started at the SN nursery (they call it school), all those feelings of are they going to fit in, will they have friends, is it the right environment for them, do they understand them? They call our dd complex in her reports-well if I can understand her Im sure a blumin teacher can.

I am sure you are doing the right thing, it is hard. Im sure alot of the other kids were stressed out too. My friends little boy due to start in september has been having settling in sessions and he has been acting out of character too(he isnt SEN) so I am sure it is expected. I understand how you feel even if Im not much help. I do really think though that paranoia(sp?) steps in a bit when things are new and changing, you most probably felt he was different when everyone else most probably didnt notice.

Original poster

Jimjams · 03/07/2003 21:18

Thanks lou and fio. It's been a hard week really- just walked straight back into statementing and ds1 is being quite autistic at the moment- looking out of the corner of his eyes and stuff- he ate strange things on holiday so it will go!

Thought of you today lou- there was a gorgeous little boy on Richard and Judy with cp who had had botox injections - it really helped his walking- he had a kind of frmae thing he could use after having the injections- he was absolutely adorable!

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fio2 · 03/07/2003 21:21

jimjams I think weve all been a bit down by the sound of things, must be the changable weather. lou its a KAYE walker isnt it there supposed to be really good for when the time is right.

fio2 · 03/07/2003 21:24

also I had dds school report this week and it was all very positive but they have to grade them and she was at P3 moving onto P4 and I looked in the key and it said P1,P2 and P3 all indicators of learning disabilities. I felt really positive up to that point and then I just felt down. Mind you I soon forgot about it.

Caroline5 · 03/07/2003 21:53

Poor you jimjams, I've been finding those threads on gaps between children a bit of a downer too. Also the thread about moving from 1 to 2 children - a lot of the positives just don't seem to apply to us - e.g. my dds never play together, dd1 just ignores dd2 most of the time when she's not trying to push her over or complaining that she can't walk or talk. She is still quite demanding in the way of an only child.

As fio says, you probably are more acutely aware of the differences than others. I'm sure your ds1 couldn't have a better advocate on his behalf than you, if anyone will make it work, you will

Original poster

Jimjams · 03/07/2003 22:22

I know what you mean caroline. i contributed to that but couldn't read too much of it. MOst of the time ds1 ignores ds2 (but at least he tolerates him ) It is like having two completely separate children. Ds1 will kiss ds2 when we tell him to, and ds2 does absolutely adore his brother- but somehow that makes it more heart breaking. I suppose it's not special treatment though as ds1 pretty much blanks the majority of children.

Oh god I am on a downer tonight! It's the statementing (recieiving far too many reports at the moment- really can't bear them - you know the stuff "your child is so far behind its frightening etc etc".

OP posts:

fio2 · 03/07/2003 22:30

I hate statementing its horrible - all nasty, nasty things. Just remember they have to make your beautiful child sound worse than they really are to get some kind of satisfactory help for them.

lou33 · 04/07/2003 00:17

We must have some psychic link then Jimjams to be thinking of each other today. Wish I had seen Richard and Judy, never watch it though. Actually Aloha has put me on touch with someone who has a child with cp and has had botox (thanks again!), and I am going to ring them next week (been too busy this week). We saw ds2's neurologist on Monday and he was talking about all the options available to ds such as botox. There's quite a range but they all sound horrible!

If ds has a frame then he is most likely to have one that goes behind him, is that a Kaye walker? I know there are front ones too, but his phsyio seems to think the back one will be best.

I'm dreading starting the statementing process, I think it will all begin in a few weeks, when we see the local paediatrician. Does everyone get as bogged down with letters and forms as me, or am I just highly disorganised?

eidsvold · 04/07/2003 08:01

I am so glad to know I am not the only one. We do not have any other children at this stage but are definitely planning for dd not to be an only child. I worry about the effect of dd on her other sibling/s.

I am also at the stage of organising dd's nursery. She will start full time nursery in September when I go back to work. We have a settling in period over two weeks and I worry what effect dd's development or lack of in certain areas will have on her. I an really feeling pressured to get her eating finger food and drink from a cup ( she will be 13 months ) when she starts nursery. I really don't want the staff to view dd as a burden.

Jimjams - i really feel for you. Positive thoughts - ds is in mainstream and the mainstream that you want him to be in. All children have settling in issues. AND you have worked really hard to get to the point you have and you have succeeded. Statementing is a difficult process... which hopefully ends in ds getting effective support to add to the work you are doing with him at home.

No real information just to say I admire all you have already achieved for your ds and oyu should be proud of yourself for getting this far.

fio2 · 04/07/2003 10:35

eidsvold if its any reassurance my dd used to go a private nursery and at that point her development was quite delayed. It didnt hinder her at all, if anything it gave her a big push in the right direction. The staff treated her no different to the others. She was placed with her peers and got all the encouragement she needed. Dont feel pressurised to get her doing things and dont think of her as a burden, if anything my dd was favouritised by the staff.

chatee · 04/07/2003 14:53

lou33
I have a mountain of papers stored (neatly) at the side of my bed-all to do with dd and statementing.The lady from Parent in Partnership visited us again this week and has given me a list of phone numbers to collect books/literature re all different aspects/legalities of special needs I will post them up over the weekend for everyone(just having a quick, sneaky peak at mumsnet whilst getting ready for work and dd is engrossed in the disney channel)
My dd has the kaye walker that goes behind her and she has come on soooo much since she was given it, although not recommened she even manages small steps with it and even her physio has to laugh at her because she's so determined and cocky with it.
sorry must go lol to everyone

dinosaur · 04/07/2003 21:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

fio2 · 07/07/2003 11:30

good things about the gap- my ds thinks he is dd's bodyguard! We went out to the pub on friday night and sat in the beer garden by the park area, dd is quite vulnerable on parks due to her mobility problems but ds turned in to her little protector. He was following her around making sure nobody pushed her and telling children to wait until she was up the steps of the slide before they could go up(in his own lanuage of course) It was so cute, dd thought it was hilarious but ds was quite serious about it all. Funny that at 20 months old he isnt going to let anyone bully her.

lou33 · 07/07/2003 15:27

Fio that's lovely .

Mine is quite poorly today. I thought he just had a cold, but overnight he has really gone downhill. Restless all night, whimpering in his sleep, didn't wake til 12pm, then barely ate a spoonful of yoghurt before sobbing to go back to bed again at 1.30. He's still asleep now. I'm taking him to the doctor at 5 .

fio2 · 07/07/2003 15:31

hope hes better soon lou

ThomCat · 07/07/2003 17:04

Ahh Lou - let us know how he is.

lou33 · 07/07/2003 18:22

He's got an ear infection, so we have the fight of giving him anti biotics now .

fio2 · 07/07/2003 19:10

antibiotics always make my two puke, hope they dont make your little boy too poorly.

Original poster

Jimjams · 07/07/2003 22:05

awww ear infections are nasty. Hope he's better soon

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lou33 · 08/07/2003 10:24

Well he's perked up a bit, but still not well enough for mums and tots. I'm still feeling rubbish though . Dh is coming down with my bug and ds1 is in the midst of it (though not too badly too keep him off nursery) and the 2 girls are showing signs of succumbing...sighs...

fio2 · 08/07/2003 10:52

poor you, hope you're all feeling better soon.

lou33 · 08/07/2003 12:33

Thanks!

ThomCat · 08/07/2003 13:11

Oh love - sorry you're all poorly. If you're brave enough to email me your address I can send you some DVDs and / or videos, (I do PR for a lot of DVD clients so have old review copies knocking around so can send them FOC from work to cheer you all up if you like.)

lou33 · 08/07/2003 14:41

Ooh Tc you love!! Will do that then .

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