As most of you know J and his older sibling we adopted.
The birth parents have a long list each of mental health problems that SS failed to tell us, not that that matters because by the time the dept decided to pass on the relevant info the boys were well and truely ours in every sense.
R, our oldest is NT although he has some problems with organisational skills.
J however has been dx with autism. There are 13 surving children in the boys biological family. All of the 7 boys apart from R have some form of SN. 3 are ASD, 2 have dx of ADHD and then J with autism. None of the girls in the family have any SN or learning difficulties.
When we adopted J it was when the MMR debate was at its highest. Due to all the hype in the press we made the decission not to have the triple vaccine. J was developing well although I had some small concerns that he was a quiet baby. He was 8 months old when he came to live with us. J preferred male company and would giggle so much when he saw DH. He pointed BUT only to cars or anything that moved. He carried a piece of plumbing tube everywhere he went and preferred this to any toy. J was content to just sit and watch the world go by and TBH when I was driving in the car I didnt know he was in the car seat behind me. His favourite pass time was sitting and watching the washing machine as it gurguled around and around.
When J was 2 and 7 months I took him to the HV to be weighed. She gave me a huge lecture about the MMR and I gave in and agreed to let J have it.
That night J was rushed into hospital because he was convulsing so badly. His body was so swollen and he was delirious. He was given massive doses of augmentin by IV and the hospital told us he had an ear infection. J didnt speak from that night on for almost three years. He was a completely different child. No more giggles, no more smiley eyes, no more cuddles.
So both hubby and I belive that given J's birth families history it is with out doubt that he would have had some sort of difficulty BUT we both believe that the combination of the MMR and massive doses of anti b's caused some sort of overload to J's system and was the trigger to form that which was to become autism.
Does that make sense???
How can a blonde haired smiley, happy, chatty, contented child suddenly with in hours of having a vaccine stop talking, smiling and being so content with out any explanation???
It was in the words of our peadiatrician "only an ear infection after all".
Are we mad to believe that that night we "lost" the baby we had adopted? Ive said it before and I'll say it again.....I miss that baby more than anything and for nothing but sheer selfish reasons I wish I could have him back....but I cant.
Instead I am blessed with a child who has taught me so much about myself. He has taught me that I am a fighter, that my love for him is unconditional....which is something as an adoptive mother I doubted could ever truely happen. He has taught me that this world is even tougher than I ever thought possible but with love and determination you can achieve anything. He has taught me what patience, tollerance and understanding truely mean.
I may sometimes yearn for that blonde haired baby, especially when J is having a bad day...but I could never have loved that baby as much as I love my wee man.