I feel so bad as though I make dd worse sometimes :-(

[Blossomhill]

I just feel so ashamed to say this but sometimes just feel I actually make dd worse.
The reason being that I hardly ever take her anywhere as I am frightened of other people's reactions. How awful does that sound?
The trouble is that unless I expose dd to lots of different environments then how is she ever going to learn. I am almost paranoid and I think it stems back to 2 years ago when we had to wait in a gp surgery for well over an hour and dd was really behaving badly as although you she still finds it hard to wait 2 years ago she was a nightmare. It all came to a head and I ended up in floods of tears when the receptionist told me there was still 7 people in front of me.
Today we went out and everytime dd put her fingers in her ears or hummed I tried to stop her as I hate people looking at her . Why can't I just relax and not care what other people think? It is getting out of control and I have to say even counselling hasn't helped.
I just feel like such a sht mother and a complete btch.
Sorry about the ramble but dh is at football and I needed to talk to someone

Blossomhill so sorry you are still feeling so crappy, but really understand where your are coming from! Lol at the farm story, in fact I think that is the way to cope - trying to see the funny side of things, like Jimjams says, with people who understand (I know it's difficult when your feeling so down about it all though!)Hope the hurting goes soon xx

Yes, having friends that understand and are in the same boat makes a huge difference. There is no need to explain, they just get it.
It is also amazing how you can see the funny side of some truly awful experiences.

Dingle Will happily share my rhino skin. What seems to keep me going is the sheer anger that I feel, that we supposedly live in such a 'caring and sharing society'.
The reality of it is just so different. Having a sn child has given me a kick up the arse. I took it for granted that vulnerable people were looked after, that their best interests were catered for.

Er, can't really think of how to end that. I will not allow other peoples pettiness to upset me

Sorry to hear you're still feeling down BH I actually spend quite a lot of time worrying about our neighbours think about DS and work quite hard to limit their exposure to anything "untoward", e.g. if he gets upset when he's outside in the garden he comes straight in. I don't care so much about other people/passersby any longer than the 5 mins or so of contact but those 5 mins, when they happen, are very stressful. I get the impression that you are just as worried about what "might" happen rather than what "does" happen (barring the grandmother comment!). Maybe that's something to look at, get some practice with dealing with these little situations, even if its only in your imagination, and just do your best. I know lots of kids who say terrible things to people, one friends' HF ASD son went through a phase of asking other mums in the playground if they drove a Vulva he just thought it was funny and not inappropriate!
Well, this isn't helping really but you know we all sympathise and understand.

We are all here to support you BH and we understand. How are you feeling today?

Oh BH I've just seen this for the first time. I'm so sorry that ypou've feeling so rubbish at the moment, but please don't feel like you are a bad person/mother, you're so not, far, far from it.

Ah,through the sadness,there is a lot to laugh about! Tittering at the dog,church,car lights and crotch story. Goodness,every time I used to go into work at one school,one boy would lift both my arms and have a good sniff! (He doesn't now though!) Another chap with ASD has a thing about shoe laces and belts. His befriender comes in with some very amusing stories!

Do you know,apart from the screaming child in the supermarket scenario which most people misinterpret (if I had a pound for every story like that a parent has told me)I really do believe that most people are kind and accommodating. 13 years in this field (a couple of those spent as a support worker with adults) has shown me this,and for most of that time I haven't been a parent,so feel I've been able to judge fairly impartially.

I'm sniggering at some of these examples too. Ds1's latest embarrassing habit is to declare loudly "That man made a farty noise!" (short pause while I try to keep him quiet) "Mum! He's got farty pants!"

Ds2 has spent the morning at toddler group screaming and diving on the floor. Even the 1yr-olds behaved better than he did. I get torn between thinking that I should take him to get him out of the house and help with his social skills - and thinking "There's no way I can face that again next bl**dy week!"

I hope things start getting better for you soon, BH. xx

Hi everyone
Thanks everyone for thinking of me.
Feel like I am not with atm tbh. The main reason being that I have stopped my ad's (I did wean myself off of them) but I don't think it's helping the way I feel.
I had a really good nights sleep which has made me feel slightly better and had a long chat with dd's teacher (mainstream) who said that dd has been such a little angel at school and maybe just needs to explode at home. She also said that dd was lovely and she would love to have her again next year but sadly couldn't. I also spoke to Bibic yesterday as dd's behaviour has gone down hill over the last week or so and they honestly think it may be connected to the oranges she had (although I think it may be the flax seed oil as we had a similar pattern of behaviour with eyeQ)
Yesterday I couldn't even bare dd to be near me and even saying that makes me feel awful. She even said I was "grumpy mum", which I was/am. Dd has been reading horrid henry books and is acting out a lot of stuff from there and as you can imagine by the title of the book is not very good. She even called my friends ds a horrid boy tonight
I have bought some rescue remedy today and am trying very hard to stay positive and thanks to you lot I do feel more so just by reading your posts (Jimjams yours really made me feel better Thanks!)
I have spoken to dh about spending more time at weekends exposing dd to situations that she finds hard as I said she needs to learn these life skills. By constantly excluding her how will she ever know. A good example being the hairdressers, used to be hell but is now very pleasant. Mainly because I book first appt when it's not busy and hairdresser fully undersatnds but it seems the more dd does the better she is.
As for the granny comment, I do think that's kids for you. taking me all night and a lot of talking to my mum to come to that conclusion!

BH, coming off the ADs and feeling a bit down can't be a coincidence. Sounds like you're really getting on top of things though and how much good does a decent night's sleep do? Keep it up, you're doing such a good job.

Have you tried SJW blossomhill? I take the liquid and can't cope without it now tbh. If I miss a day or two I'm really down.