Well - saw CAHMS today for the first time - you lot might be chucking me out

[hereidrawtheline]

Hiya we saw CAHMS today for the first time. The man was a child psychologist I think. We were there about an hour and a half.

He hasnt said anything concrete yet he said he wants to see DS some more for various sessions before he commits himself BUT he does not think DS has any SN.

He thinks - ready yourselves - he thinks it is all pretty much down to attachment issues. Between me and DS. He agrees there is a lot of anxiety, control, tantrums etc but he thinks it all likely stems from attachment anxiety and birth trauma. Even things like using his fist to feed himself he said could indicate that because it is more like human contact i.e. me. Anxiety etc is stemming from a traumatic birth, such as him absorbing in infancy that he hurt me. And then I had PND. And he suspects it is all anxiety and attachment problems. Also of course because he now just wants to sleep with me in my bed naked. And when he was a baby he would only ever sleep on mine or DH's chest he was never able to lie in a bed he screamed blue murder. And his comfort item is my tshirt that he's had since he was a few weeks old. And so on and so on.

He did say he isnt ruling out definitely anything like Aspergers just yet but he is not that way inclined. It was attachment attachment attachment.

So... I dont know. I feel really strange. Some of it makes sense I mean I know he and I are extremely close to each other and of course I well remember the issues he had as a baby and the birth and how much he wants me now, pretty much exclusively. I said to him I didnt think that would account for all the meltdowns but he said it might but we will look into it more. Of course some part of this reinforces my feeling it is actually my fault.

He wants to see DS several times starting some time in July for sessions where he plays and talks more with him.

So... what do you think.

[hereidrawtheline]

thanks givemesleep, brilliantly written post.

It is such an emotive issue. For us parents it feels as if our very souls are being examined and for the professionals they have perhaps a more ethical question of responsibility for a child's future.

wassup I did do a "I'm the boss" thing last night. He was waking all night feverish and upset but very angry. Waking up hitting us etc and I wanted him to take nuerofen and he didnt want to, he usually quite likes it so I felt he was just being very combative as everything we were attempting he was striking out at us. So I actually gave it to him by force. I gently held his arms and DH put it in his mouth. He swallowed it then started spitting at us as if to spit it out. But then within about 10 seconds he was happy as a clam and then slept. So I was pleased I made that decision.

[minxofmancunia]

Thank you givememoresleep you've said it so much better than I could and you're so right, I'm afraid too many of the parents who access our service absolve themselves of any responsibility for their childrens behaviour and then bully us into "sorting it".

pipinjo your suggestion that I get clinical sv was rude and unneccessary, so we can never vent or express our concenr and dissatisfaction with the frustrations of our jobs, teachers, sw, gp etc. do ot on mn all the time WITH GOOD REASON, I was trying to out some context round it. I think the overgeneralised sweeping comments on here about an entire service ie CAMHS required a bit of context and maybe some of the posters who've slagged off an entire very hard working service may see what we have to deal with in our roles. Of course I'm going to be defensive when I know myself and my colleagues work so bloody hard, who wouldn't?

What i and other more sensible postres probably would like to do is help the OP with her predicament, it sounds hugely distresisng for her and I think some of the practical suggestions made on here are excellent.

CAMHS workers, teachers, hvs and other child health professionals see the dark side of parenting and family life, that's just how it is. This doesn't apply to the OP, she's a loving concerened parent looking for support.

[nikos]

Minx-it might be helpful for you to read back over the posts you have made on this thread and see how many sweeping generalisations you have made about parents. That might help you see why you have rubbed some of us up the wrong way.

[nikos]

Herei- I don't want your thread to get taken over with bashing CAMHS.Can I ask how old your ds is (can't see on thread but apologies if Imissed it)? I ask because our route to diagnosis was: problems picked up at pre school, referral by them for specialist speech and language therapy assessment, shortly after ASD dx by paed. CAMHS only involved in ADOS and initially for behaviour but as so useless we declined any further involvement.
This dx route was very thorough and quite speedy. If your ds is about to start preschool, this mightbea good route to go down i.e. preschool setting start the whole referral process going.

[hereidrawtheline]

DS is 3 in one month. We flagged up the problems ourselves nearly a year ago but preschool are now reporting them as well, he has attended since February.

[minxofmancunia]

soory heridrawtheline I don't want this to turn into unhelpful CAMHs bashing/defence either. it's not why you posted but in my defence I have not made "sweeping generalisations" about parents, I am one! God knows I've got my flaws like everyone else!

I've been very careful to state SOME parents in my main 2 posts certainly not all, I've also been at pains to endeavour that we try to look at strengths as wells as difficulties and also that sometimes parents are too harsh on themselves, we often have to try to high-light how WELL they are coping.

In CAMHS you see an unnaturally high percentage of children with problems compared to the general population FACT, it follows therefore that you see an unnaturally high proportion of families with problems compared to the general population, that's just how it is! I'm sorry to put it bluntly but SOMETIMES children's problems stem from their family experiences. To deny that would be deluded.

60% of our district referrals are for problem behaviour. the other 40% is made up of ASD/ADHD, eating disorders, mood disorders, tourettes, deliberate self harm, anxiety disorders such as OCD and very rarely psychosis.

The NICE guidelines (not me) recommend a parenting course as a first line intervention prior to any individual work, it's not a criticism of parents it's supposed to be supportive. About 50% of the parents of children with behaviour probs take up the course, the rest refuse and either disengage or do a variety of other things. The interventions for the other 40% of children (mood disoredrs etc) fequently aren't carried out effectively due to the sheer weight of behavioural referrals. not me whinging or being unprofessional, a fact.

Herei really hoping if you do carry on seeing the psychologist you get some answres soon. If not then please request to see a different clinician and they may be eble to get you and your family what you need.

[hereidrawtheline]

oh I have no intention of burning my bridges with CAHMS and will of course eagerly take DS to his next appointment. At this point I dont have reason to believe that it wont work out for us so it would be contrary to our best interests to not see CAHMS. If anything happens I strongly disagree with I'll address that at the time.

[daisy5678]

I had to do a parenting course when J first saw the paed aged 2. He was a bit apologetic cos he knew that I actually ran some parenting courses for parents of teenagers, but I totally saw the point that that's a good place to start. He said it would be useful if only for the group support type thing.

It actually wasn't; it was shit stuff like 'spend time with your son' and 'praise your son' which I already knew and did! But I could see why that's what's recommended first in most cases.

He then referred us to CAMHS when J was 3, but CAMHS wouldn't accept the referral till 5 . After many attempts to stab me, they finally saw him at 4, dx'd ADHD and then tried to discharge us as I didn't want to medicate him.

Got re-referred when things had got so bad, at 5, that I wanted to try meds. New psych spent an hour with us, said she was sure he had autism too, did lots of interviews with me about him and then we started the long (well, only 6 months in J's case and I know that's relatively short, but it seemed long!) wait for the ADOS.

This consultant psychiatrist is amazing and has been the best professional involved with us - and we've had an awful lot of them! She's helped with every aspect of our lives - DLA, school reviews, working individually with me on how to manage J's increasingly violent behaviour. I wish she'd been wrong about the autism, but apart from that, I'm so glad we're involved with CAMHS, and I guess that does cloud my view a bit. That's why I think you're being sensible, HIDTL - of course parents must speak out if they're treated badly and if drs aren't being helpful or professional. But assuming that a whole profession are obstructive and incompetent doesn't help anyone,IMO. It just increases the divide between 'us' and 'them', and we have to work together for the children's sake.

IMO!