Now......whats the funniest/rudest thing another person has said you you RE your child...

[anniebear]

I really enjoyed reading about the funniest things a Dr has said to you

So thought I would start another about what other people have said

I am not sure if a similar thread was done a while ago, sorry if it was!

Up to now, we have not really had any comments about Ellie, I am waiting for them though.........Its called paranoia I think!!!

The only one I can think of is......

Because Ellie has a statement she and Grace got the first places in the local School (lots applied so not everyone got in)

A relative of mine was worried her child would not get in and referred to Ellie as a 'special case'

She didn't mean anything nasty by it but I didn't think it was a very nice choice of words

The day J was diagnosed with AS (last Monday), I went to pick him up from school feeling a bit shell-shocked and fragile. I met the father of one of his classmates, whose mother had invited J to play later in the week and I'd explained to her how bad things were lately and although it was unlikely I'd get back to her. I gave a message to the dad that no, J wouldn't be coming, and incidentally J had been diagnosed with AS today and at the moment I don't think he'll be able to cope with a houseful of kids. Sympathetic and understanding dad said "Oh, no problem with that, I've got a houseful myself, I'm sure he'll be fine.". I pointed out that his kids didn't actually have AS, but he still didn't seem to get it. He then said "Well, if you find out any tips on how to handle naughty kids, let me know cos I could do with some". Fortunately I was engaged in peeling J off the climbing frame at the time or I think I'd have floored him.

DD was only a few months old and I was still having serious feeding problems with her. I desperately needed my hair cut and rang a mobile hairdresser who I had never used before. I explained that I had a 2 yr old and a baby of a couppe of months and she was adamant that she would work around them.
When it came to the time dd, needed a feed, I mentioned that she had a problem feeding. She asked "what was wrong with 'er!" and I explained why babies with DS often suffer with complications with feeding in the early days.
I was stunned when she replied "Well, you've 'ad a bit of 'ard luck then , ain't ya love. If it were me, I wouldn't 'ave taken it outta hospital!!" [anger]
I can remember I was completing dd's first lot of DLA forms at the time and all the negatives were constantly highlighted. I can remember closing the door behind her and crying my eyes out!

Oh Dingle, that was an awful thing for her to have said

When ds 1 was born, 5 years ago now, he was small (5lb5oz) due to rpe-eclampsia. I got used to abuse for smoking when I was pregnant (never did, never smoked at all) but it took the biscuit when one old lady asked me 'Is he going to die?'

I know he looked ill as he had food allergies and lost weight, but was average length, but honestly! What a thing to say to a new (or indeed old) Mum!

Dingle- how horrid. I remember my MIL saying to me that when she had her ds (my dh) if there'd been anything 'wrong' with him she'd have left him in the hospital. This was about a week before I was due BTW

I bumped into the daughter of a neighbour, tearful and shell-shockef after just having had a 20 week scan which had revealed cleft lip and palate, meaning potentially other problems. She thought it was appropriate to reply "I know someone whose cat had a kitten with that. The kitten died" Hmmm, thanks for that, she was only about 15 at the time though so I made allowances!

I also have a friend who always responds to my concerns over ds's behaviour with "Yes but (her son) does that." It's like she's trying to reassure herself by denying there's a problem, and really pisses me off when I need to let off steam.

MIL said she "knew there was a problem with DD1" way before we even picked up on it (this was after diagnosis) which was b*llocks as a few weeks before that she "there is nothing wrong with her" and she said that Ds had no problems(but we all knew there was a problems 2 years before they diagnosed him) and then when they did diagnose him she said "I knew it"

amazing how reading this brings back things you forget. Dd1 had an ng tube for the first three months of her life or so as well as an apnoea monitor that went with us wherever we went.

As we waited in the tesco queue, the checkout operator took one look at dd and went 'errrrrrrr ( in a grossed out way) what is that?' and pointed to her ng tube. I was sooo stunned I just stood there. I then quickly got on with putting up the groceries and pretended I had not heard her. I was somewhat fragile, just having been able to bring dd home not long before that( after 3 weeks in nicu and scbu) and looking down the barrel of heart surgery for her. I suppose I could have chatted and explained her heart defect and lack of energy for feeding etc but to be honest I could not be arsed. It she had asked in a more appropriate way I probably would have responded.

Being someone without a child with sn, and not personally knowing any children with sn, I find it worrying that many of the things I may have thought of saying come across to you as hurtful/tactless/inappropriate. Last weekend, whilst swimming, dds and I encountered a man with ds. When they asked me about him, I explained that he had a "condition" called Downs Syndrome, and explained a little about it. But was "condition" the right word to use? Dds are 6 and 7 now, and could understand what I was telling them, but when they were younger I have to admit to telling them that people with sn were "special". How would you describe your child to a young child who was curious? I am very keen to make sure that dds are well-informed and not misled by my preconceptions.

Lynny70 - I understand your point completely and I hope I manage to get to the same place as you with the fullness of time.

The most irritating comments I've had have been from family. My favourite of these has to be the time ds1 had a meltdown when my mum was there. Apart from the screams, flailing limbs etc he'd also thrown himself off the top of a climbing-frame without even flinching. I was just calming him down when my mother said (bearing in mind that in almost 5yrs she's never babysat ds1) "You're doing it all wrong! You're letting him get away with being naughty!" Grrrr!

The comments we usually get about ds1 are the sort that make me smile. "He's so well-behaved, isn't he?" cheers me up. They've obviously never witnessed his meltdowns but it still makes me smile. The other comment is "Isn't he shy?" This is the same boy who will quite happily shout across a crowded shop, "Mum! I want a poo, please!"

miaou - condition is fine. I tell people that my daughter has down syndrome or I have a child with down syndrome. Rather than 'is' down syndrome or is a down syndrome child... the emphasis then with those statements is on the ds rather than on my daughter iyswim.

To be honest I have never come across young children who have asked me about dd1. She mixes with nt children at a toddler group I attend and in the creche at our church. There are plenty of children her age there but none have asked me. Not to say that they have not asked their parents. Perhaps I should ask their parents if any of them have asked and what they have said.

To others I simply say she has downs syndrome which simply means sometimes she takes a little longer to do things and to understand things. Very simple I know. I am not sure how we will explain it to Dd2 when the time comes. I know there are a couple of brilliant books out there but have yet to read them for myself.

Just like CT the most hurtful comments I have had have been from family members......now I dont talk to them and have cut all ties. Easy when you live 200+ miles away from them.

My BIL's comments where the worst......
"Just accept that in life their are three groups of children.....those that do well and go on to uni, get a degree and a good job. Then theres middle of the road kids, college and a bog standard job like painter and decorater. Finally the "no hopers" and well they just end up doing time, pregnant at 15 or sweeping the streets."

"Special needs is just a label for kids who need a good smack from parents who dont give a sh*t that there kids run riot"

There are a hell of a lot more but to save my blood pressure from raising sky high, I'll leave them back in Pandora's box with the lid firmly closed......

Sisters comments that caused the final break up of our relationship..."I wish you hadnt told me that J had ASD....now he is my Autistic nephew and not just my nephew".
"Have you ever thought of smaking him so he behaves himself. You need to beat to get him to behave"
FFS!!!!

Hubby went balsitic when they all decided that around a sunday meal the topic of conversation would be "lets tell them how crap they are at dealing with their wayward son, who is just naughty and needs a good smack."

I know who I would have liked to give a good smack!!!!

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