I feel like I’m going around in circles.
as a baby my son was late to point, but had eye contact and responded to his name.he hand flapped a little when younger but grew out of it by 9 months.
he has always been slightly behind the development curve, he has been in nursery 3 days a week since 1yo. They do WEL-COMM assessments and he usually doesn’t pass his age range at first, but when they retest a few months later he will pass. He passes the age 3 ages and stages in most areas (he is 3y2m). He has hit all milestones with language and can speak in full sentences, can follow instructions easily (when he wants to..), plays with other children (when he wants to..), eats okay - a bit fussy, not overly tied to routine, no repetitive behaviours, can recognise emotions “the girl is crying, she is sad” “oh mummy, you have a cut - are you okay” and rubbing people’s backs when they are upset (but also may be mirroring others behaviours), affectionate with us, two way conversations etc.
However, he has intense tantrums, he hits kicks and throws both at home and in nursery - he has hurt us and he has hit other children at times, I feel awful about it and find it really distressing. He doesn’t seem to register that he may have hurt someone. If I tell him “we don't hit people, hitting hurts” he says he wants to hurt people and he wants to hit people. There is no stopping him doing it when upset unless you literally restrain him or move out the same room as him.
He also takes a while to warm up to people and will refuse to talk around people he doesn’t know or hasn’t been around in a little while, he will just communicate in grunts and squeaks. He also does this when over emotional or over tired and can’t explain what the issue is.
He really struggles to share and turn take, will escalate to crying and shouting very quickly. In general he is quite hot tempered. He is a very physical kid, runs and jumps all over the place and you. Still doesn’t sleep through the night.
He also repeats sentences when processing - I don’t think it’s echolalia as he isn’t repeating what we are saying. For example he dropped his ice cream and he would repeat “I dropped my ice cream and I cried, I was sad” again and again, we didn’t say any of this - but it’s like his way of processing what happened. He will play with other kids - but it isn’t his favourite unless they are running around and being loud and he will join in, he has some friends in nursery that he talks about, and is interested in other kids - asks what they are doing or where they have gone. He loves playing with us, doesn’t do much independent play but can do for 5 mins here and there. He lines up toys but also plays with them in normal ways, he doesn’t like electronic toys that move by themselves and would rather push them himself. He will play his own imaginative games but hard to engage him on imaginative play unless he has started it, my friends kids went on a “bear hunt” and he had no interest in joining in.
Sorry for the essay, I just wanted to give the full picture and get some thoughts. I have talked to nursery and they have talked about some measures to help him but just say he is still quite young and developing and it’s too early to tell and he may just need a bit more time around some of these areas of concern. They are very relaxed about the hitting and kicking (they obviously address it with him and are putting in support to help it stop, I mean relaxed with us), whilst I’m finding it very stressful the thought of him potentially hurting another child. I just feel very unsure of whether this is normal 3 year old behaviour or whether I should be pushing for assessment and formal support. If any one made it to the end of this do they have any thoughts?