Feeling sad and trapped

[Itstoday]

Hi, I have a 16 year old daughter who has ASD and LD. she is wonderful and we have a good relationship but her disabilities mean that she really can’t be left alone. We have no family support and our daughter is very attached to us and gets anxious and exhausted being with other people. I periodically go through times when having a disabled child and the impact on our family, me, my relationship with my husband hits me hard and it’s doing so right now.
seeing my peers go to the cinema with their husbands, out to dinner, just being able to do what they want now their children are more independent is hurting right now. Every day feels like Groundhog Day. She doesn’t really need active parenting but we need to be at home. I am bored, frustrated and sad.
I know I need to get more care in and help her become more independent from us for her sake and ours.
I guess I just don’t know what the future looks like and when we will get some space.
also it feels like a huge task to find someone who can help. What am I even looking for?
just feeling it at the moment and feeling so different from my peers and wondering what my life would be like if she was an NT 16 year old.

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment by the children with disabilities team for DD (which should include a focus on transition).

Depending on DD’s needs, you could also look at continuing care funding.

I presume DD has an EHCP? What support is included in there? Including mental health support and preparation for adulthood support?

Oh girl, i don't have advice as mine is 5 but

Chase up the social care assessments for respite

I feel also that you need to try leaving her again. Just for short busts at first

How bad does she get if she's left? Is she a danger to her caregivers? If not then I'd be starting it ASAP, but I 100% know it's easier said than done.

You can't be there for her if your own sanity is worn down though op 💗

I can completely imagine how you feel, my DD is only 10 but we made a decision we (DP and I) really need to have some time together so we found a babysitter on childcare.com. Found a TA with SEN experience. Sometimes DD isn’t keen at all but she’s safe and cared for fine for the couple of hours we go for a beer/dinner:/whatever. She’s often dysregulated, maybe more than normal after for a bit but sometimes has lots of fun so think it’s worth it on balance and a couple of hours feels like a real treat.

In future if I need to find someone else I’m going to ask TAs at DD’s school, I think that’s a fairly common thing.