ASD child now breaking things

[AnnaAkhmatova]

Not my child. In wider family. They are non-verbal and will be 5 soon. They have moved from being very happily absorbed in solitary play to becoming a lot more energetic. This has involved pulling stuff down from walls etc, with quite a lot of breakages/damage.

The child doesn't understand that this is problematic. When he is spoken to in a special explaining voice - this involves sitting on a step, it's a sort of accompanied 'time out' - they just think the being spoken to is a game and they laugh.

Any ideas? The child's Mum is obviously very worn down by it all, at present.

How do you know the child was very happily absorbed in solitary play, and is less so now they are more energetic. It sounds more like they’re growing up and can’t conveniently be ignored? Presumably the environment needs to be adjusted in line with their development, just as it does with any child. I’m not sure why the mum explaining to the child gently what the impact of their behaviour is, is a negative. It sounds fairly stellar parenting to me. If the Mum is tired maybe help her?

I realise that as I am not the child's mother my post will generate aggressive responses from some. The mother is exhausted and I am doing my best to quote her words accurately here, as well as to draw on my own experiences of spending time with the child. I live on the other side of the country, so can possibly support her better by finding out the experiences of others in a similar situation. She would like to be able to find ways to help the child see that it is a problem when stuff gets destroyed.

Hey , my son has extra energy and it will manifest into him having meltdowns so the best thing to do is keep him occupied. My son is 5 and we have him going school 5 days a week, Saturday is really hard for him and we make sure to take him out on Sunday . Mostly to places where he can jump and play. We have a huge variety where I live so we r lucky in that sense

My response was not intended to be aggressive, though obviously it’s harder to sound natural when you have to refer to someone as “the mother”.

if you want to genuine help I would avoid at all costs becoming “the expert” in the way you describe relaying helpful advice. Instead let her tell you what would help.

I was specifically wondering what parents of ASD children do when those children break stuff.

I get that you try and keep the child busy, so that they can work off their energy in a non-destructive way.

It's not possible to lock everything away, if a child can say, tug at a curtain and bring down the pole. And while you try to supervise a child so fewer accidents happen, you might have to - say - change the nappy of a younger child.

But what do you do when the child just laughs when a person talk to them about how breaking stuff is wrong - and really doesn't understand.

This really isn't about trying to be the expert so I can lecture someone. Geographical distances mean that I can't be a great deal of practical help.

It can be tough listening to someone you care about telling you how hard it is, because there's a new phase and new things happen, so all the techniques that worked a few weeks back no longer work so well.

Though I do see that just listening is also really important.

I went through that phase where my son didn't understand and broke things , I just rode it out , tried to distract him but yh not much works because they don't understand. I hope someone else has better advice

But what do you do when the child just laughs when a person talk to them about how breaking stuff is wrong - and really doesn't understand.

if they don’t understand then there’s nothing you can do but calmly tell them each time. There’s no escalation required.

In this situation the only way is to remove as many breakables as possible and make the environment safe for the child until they are at the stage where it isn’t needed. This may not be what the parent wants to do but otherwise they’re setting themselves up for failure day in day out.

They may be able to refer to the occupational therapy team at the LA who can come and visit the house and make the environment safer.

Has the child had an OT assessment? Including a sensory OT assessment and a home OT assessment? These can help to make the home better meet DS’s needs, including his sensory needs, and make it safer for him.

The mother needs to DS proof the house. No, it’s probably not how DM wants her home, but it is necessary and will make life easier for all. Things can be locked away. Remove things hanging from walls, remove breakable ornaments, remove curtains, look at a SafeSpace. Unfortunately, some DC with additional needs require constant supervision. No, it isn’t easy. But if it applies, you can’t just leave your child in an unsafe room whilst you go and change a sibling's nappy.

Have they had social care assessments? Looked at the local short breaks offer? Have they contacted Home Start?

What sensory equipment do they have at home?

Does DS have an EHCP? What SALT provision is being received?

Traditional parenting techniques don’t work for all with additional needs.

As hard as it might be to hear someone’s difficulties it is far harder to have them and she may not be looking for you to fix things but more to hear.
its no different than babyproofing a home for young children just slightly more attention is needed. What’s the alternative? The child must live in a safe place, not muddle through in an unsafe one. Put simply, caring for some disabled people is much much harder than you think and there isn’t an opt out. As I said in my first post it sounds like she’s doing a great job.

Yes to EHCP. Child is in unit for children with autism attached to mainstream school. Was having SALT prior to starting at school.

Re other support and interventions, I think it may depend on how things develop.

I do take the point re listening rather than trying to 'fix' stuff by coming up with all sorts of inappropriate stuff.

Hence my coming on here, to get views from other parents.

But because the child's Dad is described by the mother as not v useful - she has said that in some respects she feels like a lone parent - there is a sense that she sometimes wants, at least a relatively active form of listening from wider family.

What about SALT and OT now? They should be in the EHCP.

Was the unit the parents’ preferred placement? Or did they want a special school?

Re other support and interventions, I think it may depend on how things develop.

I’m not sure what you mean by this? All the support and interventions mentioned on this thread can be pursued now. The child’s parents don’t have to wait.

I think it's tricky. Because if I start saying, 'What about this? Shouldn't that be happening' I am then doing exactly what people here are telling me not to do...

The SALT was paid for privately and there was a decision to stop when school started. I can ask to look at the EHCP when I next visit.

Making suggestions or not because you don’t know if it will be well received is different from not pursuing support until things develop.

You could always ask the parents if they want support in accessing further help. Then you will know one way or the other whether they want that kind of support or just someone who will listen.

Thank you BrightYellowTrain. I think asking if I can provide any kind of support, from many hours away, is a way to go. And asking what has happened re SALT is a good idea.