5 year old with ASD is pushing me to the edge of a mental breakdown

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Hi everyone, I have a 5 year old with ASD who is very suddenly addicted to making loud noises. This includes his vocal stimming AND playing. He has in the last month become completely obsessed with throwing toys in the air and down the stairs. I really feel like I’m going demented over it, it’s all I hear when he’s home, he never stops.

We have 2 other children who are struggling to sleep/nap because of it. We have been successful in stopping him from throwing occasionally but he doesn’t understand he can’t do it all the time. I’m not talking soft balls, squishy things or anything, I’m talking hard chunky plastic toys. The heavier the better for him as he seems totally addicted to the noise and it is in some way pleasing for him.

We have tried being stern, taking everything off him he throws and putting it out of his reach (feels mean as they can be toys his 2yo sibling enjoys), tried giving him soft balls or balloons (these aren’t fun as I say he likes the loud noises), we go out to soft plays where he can let loose a bit, try and be as busy as possible but it doesn’t matter he STILL will do the throwing all day every day.

He’s doing it at school and becoming upset and frustrated when they tell him no. He can do it when we visit friends and family. Last week he threw one of the baby plastic rings at their tv because he wanted to hear the noise it made. I just don’t know how to stop him, it’s exhausting having to try and guess when he’s going to do it to be there to immediately stop him, I’d never sit down. Having two other small children doesn’t help.

The vocal stimming I’ve made peace with and I understand why he does it, I’d never stop it, but oh my goodness this throwing, I can’t cope with it. I suspect I’m autistic myself as loud and unexpected noises REALLY bother me badly, they make me want to cry and scream, it’s becoming truly awful for me. Does anybody have any advice at all?

Oh gosh, poor you, that sounds really hard to deal with. I'm wracking my brains trying to think about things that might help but without knowing how much understanding your son has or the layout of your house it's really difficult.

All I can suggest is that you to try and limit the throwing to particular things in one designated place ie you can throw these things from this end of the hall to that one but no throwing other things anywhere else. That wouldn't stop the noise but everyone would be a bit safer.

Is it possible to divert him onto other activities once he's done a period of throwing or is the need constant? Is it worse after school?

Lots of physical exercise may help (or may not).

If he were a bit older I'd suggest you try kit drumming (only electric and only if he'll tolerate headphones ) to see if that'll fulfil the need in the same way. Obviously then you'll be living with a drummer so it's not a pain free solution noise wise but it can be very regulating for the right child.

Has DS had a sensory OT assessment? And does he receive ongoing sensory OT input?

Would it be possible to keep toys downstairs then DS can’t throw them downstairs?

It is difficult, especially with other DC, but whilst working on it, I think it is a matter of closer supervision to step in when DS looks like he is going to throw something. Have you had social care assessments? It is worth looking at your local short breaks offer too. Home Start may be able or support you too.

It doesn’t solve the situation, but do you have noise cancelling headphones?

How old are your other dc?

See I'd simply lock up all toys and hard objects. You've got soft toys for the two year old and I'd get out the hard toys when dc5 is at school

My dd went through this phase when she was maybe 3 or 4. She's 5.5 now, so I'd say it will pass

I know it's not easy 🥺, you sound like you're doing your best and you're completely not unreasonable to feel pushed to the edge x

Currently dd is obsessed with jumping in a swimming pool. She mimics the action all the time, even in sainsburys yesterday 🙄

Had a huge meltdown when I wouldn't let her jump into the Thames when we were in central london for the christmas lights

I had to laugh before I lost my mind imagining the worst!!

You'll get through this, fingers crossed it ends soon xx

Thank you so much everybody for the nice comments, they’re so appreciated.

A little more information the littlest two are 5 months and 2 years old, so even without a throwing fanatic 5 year old with ASD, it would all be super hard work.

I am hoping like some of you have said that it’s just a phase. He’s also OBSESSED with putting things in water atm too. We have to keep the bathroom door locked from the outside, something heavy on the toilet lid, sinks empty, no cups of juice or tea left around, it feels exhausting. He even will run up and throw a toy inside the pan when cooking pasta etc. it’s really a lot atm.

He doesn’t have an official diagnosis yet so I feel we haven’t had a lot of support or help. He’s been on the waiting list for over a year now, but I know it’s a really long wait. There’s no doubt he’s autistic: non conversational, still in nappies, very poor receptive language etc. He is in a mainstream school atm and has an EHCP in place with a full time 1-1. We have taken the LA to tribunal over him going to a specialist school and won, so just waiting to see where near us has space and when he can finally go to one, it’s where he truly needs to be.

Anyway, thank you again. It’s been a really hard 4/5 weeks of him doing it. He’s had odd phases before and I know they end, it’s just in the moment it’s hard not to feel anything other than complete despair. Currently my partner gets home from work just after 5 each week day and I do disappear upstairs for an hour or so to lay down and I watch something by myself on the tv. It definitely helps.

Most support is based on needs, not diagnosis. On their website, Contact has model letters you can use to request social care assessments. A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment of DS’s needs via the disabled children’s team. Also, look at your local short breaks offer and contacting Home Start.

Does the EHCP include OT?

We have taken the LA to tribunal over him going to a specialist school and won, so just waiting to see where near us has space and when he can finally go to one, it’s where he truly needs to be.

Did the tribunal not name a particular placement? Or does it just name the type of placement? If the former, you don’t have to wait for a space.

my LO constantly does this aswell after having his ot sensory input. I found other (less loud/harmful activities) to give him stimulation. Things that helped heavy weighted blanket/vest, tunnel/black out tent and waving a sheet on top of him also doing some deep pressure massage. As soon as I seeing him getting worked up with it. I do one of these 15-20 mins does the trick. But I can imagine with other LO it can take a while to get round to it. Hope this helps xx