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Inability to follow instructions to get ready - suspected ASD?

9 replies

wineymummy · 14/01/2025 11:59

In the process of watching our DD8 and deciding whether to push for an ASD assessment. I am ready, DH not quite convinced yet. She's clever, no issues at school, but struggles socially and with a change in environment resulting in frequent meltdowns - to me it looks like classic autism in girls with masking, exhaustion etc - there's plenty more that I won't go into now.
My question is - she is absolutely hopeless at following instructions to get ready for school or similar. Every day it results in my screeching and hyperventilating as we get later and later and she still isn't acting with any sense of urgency to get ready. We have tried switching routines around, just introduced a Fitbit that will buzz at regular intervals reminding her to get ready, tried leaving early, tried reasoning, explaining....it's like talking to a brick wall. It's not that she doesn't want to get ready (she loves school, and hates being late) - it's like she just can't action what she needs to do to get us out the house. We ended up having another huge upset last night because she wouldn't go and brush her teeth - not that she didn't want to, it's like she's wading through thick glue and just can't put the intention into an action. With all her symptoms I find them much easier to accept when I see it as an ASD matter rather than just naughtiness. Other than this I don't see any signs of ADD, certainly not ADHD - she is doing very well at school and can sit and craft or draw for hours - to the point of painful perfection, where she can't walk away from anything unless it's perfect. Never hyperactive. But the inability to get ready does make me occasionally wonder if there is an aspect of ADD thrown into the mix. My question is, is this just a normal 8 year old thing or could it be associated with ASD? Am I seeing things now because I've spent so long reading into this and trying to make sense of her quirks (and make her life easier!)

OP posts:
Ohthatsabitshit · 14/01/2025 12:08

Is she having absences?
Have you tried different routines and all the checklists and timeline type things?

wineymummy · 14/01/2025 12:27

No absences - she just continues doing the thing she's doing - it's like talking to a brick wall. Or will start doing her task then immediately get distracted and lose all focus.
We have tried timelines but I agree I need a big visual reference. Having her own watch will help as she's much more aware of exactly what the time is, she just needs to start associating those times with 'time for shoes on' etc.

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Ohthatsabitshit · 14/01/2025 13:18

Something that really worked for us was cards that needed posting. (I’m sure there is a posh name for it but I can’t remember if I ever knew).

Basically
stick a long “time line” of Velcro to the wall/door horizontally.
make cards with each activity as a picture and written and put Velcro on the back.
Get a box to “post” the cards in.
put the cards on the line from right to left.
She then gets the card, does the job, and posts the card in the box, and repeats all along the line till it’s empty at which point she can have a small treat (eg fruit/biscuit/play/tv/etc).

wineymummy · 14/01/2025 14:13

That sounds like a good idea, thank you.

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BrightYellowTrain · 14/01/2025 14:15

Transitioning between tasks can be very difficult. Some find sand timers help. We find a very detailed timetable of the day/week helps. It is also worth looking up executive functioning difficulties and processing difficulties.

Have you tried breaking each task down into very small steps and just giving the instruction for that one very small element before moving on to the next?

Having said that, “she just needs to start associating those times with 'time for shoes on' etc.” sounds like you are might be expecting too much. Not many 8y/o’s would independently think it is 8am, I must get my shoes on. Unless I have read it wrong?

Justploddingonandon · 14/01/2025 15:22

My DD is slow to process verbal instructions so if you say something like "go upstairs and get dressed and brush your teeth and hair", she'll still be processing the first bit by the time you finish saying it and won't have heard much past go upstairs. She does also easily get distracted, but iI think that's just being 9 as I don't believe she has ADHD.

wineymummy · 14/01/2025 15:30

BrightYellowTrain · 14/01/2025 14:15

Transitioning between tasks can be very difficult. Some find sand timers help. We find a very detailed timetable of the day/week helps. It is also worth looking up executive functioning difficulties and processing difficulties.

Have you tried breaking each task down into very small steps and just giving the instruction for that one very small element before moving on to the next?

Having said that, “she just needs to start associating those times with 'time for shoes on' etc.” sounds like you are might be expecting too much. Not many 8y/o’s would independently think it is 8am, I must get my shoes on. Unless I have read it wrong?

Thank you - I haven't heard of executive functioning difficulties but that seems a good fit for her.
It's not that I expect he to know to put her shoes on at 8am etc, more that sometimes I feel like she's deaf to me, but she loves a rule, so I thought hearing that rule from someone else (eg. the fitbit!) might help. I am always there telling her to do shoes, teeth, hair etc - she just doesn't respond to me.

OP posts:
BrightYellowTrain · 14/01/2025 16:15

Auditory processing difficulties and executive functioning difficulties can make it appear as though someone is deaf to instructions. If you pursue assessment, there are specialist clinics that can look at auditory processing disorder. An ed psych and OT assessment can help too.

wineymummy · 14/01/2025 17:21

Thank you everyone. Lots to consider and take on board.

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