Advice for a friend - autism, TV, meltdowns

[FiveWhatByFiveWhat]

Hi all. I've posted here before for advice on my son, but tonight I'm asking advice for a friend.

We both have children who are autistic/additional needs. My son (5) is awaiting an assessment but we've been told by HV/gp/nursery and school staff he's likely autistic. Her daughter (4) has an autism diagnosis.

Our kids have some struggles we can both personally relate too and others that we cannot, but we always try to support eachother and scout around for help/resources as these are not easily obtained officially.

She's currently struggling with a very particular issue. Her daughter is obsessed with the 2011 Winnie the pooh "Backson" film. It must be on the main telly in the living room at all times - but only the first 36 minutes. If it's not on, she screams until it's on. If it gets turned off, meltdown. Once it hits 36 minutes she screams until it's back on. Even if she's not actually watching it. Apparently the other night she wasn't watching it, she was on her tablet, but she KNEW it had gotten to 36 Minutes in and had a meltdown until it was reset.

I've seen that film loads as my son loves it, but not anywhere near this extreme - 36 minutes is around the point the characters are in a "pit" and what they believe to be "the Backson" appears but it's actually Tigger with mud/bushes stuck to him. She doesn't appear to be scared though. When they're out the pit, the story is mostly resolved and there's like 10/15 minutes left.

I've heard of some autistic children needing to have control of the telly etc at home and it triggering meltdowns but it's not something I've any personal experience in. She's messaged me tonight absolutely desperate so I said I'd post here and a local Sen FB group I'm on to see if anyone has any experience of this and advice on how to resolve or at least cope with?

For background, her daughter is quite high support needs, she will often go days without speaking, sleep is extremely erratic and she has some sensory issues. She attends a nursery with very solid Sen support.

Thank you.

What is it that she wants to achieve? Is the aim to stop her watching it? Reduce the time spent watching it? Make her watch to the end? Something else?

@Ohthatsabitshit I think she just wants to try to understand a bit more and to see if anyone else has had similar experience?

Ideally she'd like to not have to choose between having the same 36 minutes of a film on a loop or her child having an autistic meltdown. On one hand she wants her daughter to be comfortable and settled, but on the other she's said she's worried "letting" it always be on maybe isn't the best idea long term?

I hope that makes sense. It's just all such a minefield to be honest.

Can the LO control the TV herself? She might find that better and it might be less annoying for mum - I can imagine I would find it very wearing to be tied to having to start and reset a TV programme every 36 minutes precisely.

If she/you know anyone techy enough to do it - it's also probably possible to get that 36 minutes of TV onto a standalone video format and set it up so it will loop play essentially forever. That might be a temporary solution to avoid mum having to restart it all the time, and then they could wait and see if she loses interest, and if not, work on one aspect at a time e.g. having the volume down or using headphones so it's less annoying for others, or having it play on a different screen so that the main TV can be used by others or having it play at certain times but not all the time - whatever the particular issue is.

I would not necessarily go by her body language to say she isn't scared. Autistic body language isn't necessarily clear to others. It might be that she finds the appearance of the "backson" to be scary but she wants the reassurance that it's just Tigger. Or there is something comforting in the part where everyone is worried about the Backson. She might even be processing the idea that all the characters think they can see a monster but there is actually no monster.

@FiveWhatByFiveWhat

@BertieBotts Thank you for! I don't think she can work it herself, she can turn it on and off I think but to get the film on it's a case of navigating to Disney etc. Mum has tried getting her to watch it on a tablet etc but it seems it must be the main telly. That's an interesting point about the reset point too. I'll pass it along!

Also, no idea why I've quoted myself at the top but it won't let me delete it 🤣🤦

Ds watches things on repeat in a similar way and definitely freaks out at the same point. They tend to “wear off” after time (many months). He used them as a combination of a sort of mindfulness exercise to sooth so he could concentrate on other things and also to work out the language as he is very language disordered as well as autistic. Honestly in hindsight I think he knew what he needed and it was enriching and supported his development as so much of “autistic behaviours” do. If figures are available or you can make some pictures on laminated cards she might find it very satisfying to walk them through the scenes she is particularly focused on.
Myself I’d teach her to use the TV herself and ask for the remote politely.

My dd is like this, shes 5. She went through a phase of SCREAMING whenever peppa pig was on the tv as she will only watch it on a tablet

She watches the same shows for the specific clips, ie someone jumping in a swimming pool or someone dropping things by accident, they mske her laugh

I'm gonna try ditching the tablet during weekdays when school starts and we'll see how it goes, but that's unrelated

She often repeats the sounds she's heard from her programmes, part of her echolalia.

Sounds normal to me x

My sons a lot older and we've been through a few phases like this when he was younger. Ultimately what I'd consider is if it's serving any purpose in allowing this to continue or is it better to step in now and break the cycle.

We've had a similar obsession which became so disruptive and upsetting for ds that we had to nip it in the bud. It's hard in the short term but eventually he moved on to something else less harmful. This level of obsession is extremely controlling and has a huge impact on the rest of the family. Allowing it continue isn't helpful for anyone.