Will I ever be able to 'do' mainstream toddler groups?!!!! Giant chip on shoulder...

[JakB]

Went to Gymboree today with DS. By the end I was angry, frustrated, upset etc etc...
DS has been moody today (just one of those toddler things) and screamed at one point very loudly. Cue gasps of horror from everybody and the bloke running the class making a really big deal out of it. Then the girl on reception said, 'Oh I hate those screams, XXXX'. AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Then DS ACCIDENTALLY caught a little girl with a beanbag. Cue mother, 'oh what's happened' etc etc and lots more shocked looks. I just can't cope with it after DD. They made me feel as if DS is a horror and he's just the sweetest little boy demonstrating NORMAL toddler behaviour. Behaviour I would be OVER THE MOON if DD demonstrated. It's just so competitive and horrible, from, 'oooh, what percentile is your child on for height' to 'XXX has blah words and is saying blah'. AAAAHHHHHHHHH. Feel I have to do the 'normal' thing with DS but I just get so wound up (know it's my chip on shoulder) and just feel like preaching on how bloody luck the lot of them are!!!!!!!
Rant over. No need to reply, just needed to offload...

Whether my child had SN or not I would avoid those structured classes at all costs! Hate them. I took Lotbags to baby massage and swimming classes and music classes etc but I kept my blinkers on and ignored the other irritating mums as much as possible but they are the reason that once I'd given them a go I never went back and never would again. I couldn't bear the sideways looks and the way some of the mum's babied their children and couldn't wait to be with Lottie on my own again!

I even stopped taking ds to a music class as the woman running it was so bossy. The other mums all seemed fine, but the leader was really into the kids all doing the same thing and I thought, this doesn't feel like fun to me. Ds was under two.
I think unstructured groups are better for small kids, special needs or not. They seem to attract less neurotic parents too

I remember a group I tried to get involved in for my twin DDs sake (they were about 18 months). At the end of the play session there was a little singing session and everyone had to get into a big circle, holding hands with their children while the leader sang. My two refused to hold hands with me and preferred to dance in the middle of the circle which I thought was fine, quite cute really, but the leader obviously thought differently as she would stop the music, march into the middle and bring the girls back to me rather crossly! Didn't stay long, left before we were expelled!

One of the M&T groups I went to was run in a church hall. The set-up was arriving at 9.45am, kids playing with the toys/crafts etc. Kids had to then leave the toys (trying explaining this to a bunch of 18-monthers!), to go next door to the adjoining church.

We then had to sit in the church for a bit of singing, "Happy Birthdays"etc. However, the old dears running it firmly dictated that the kids didn't move from the seats (which was a bit of a nightmare with my 3 unders 4 ). One of the old dears would be up the front doing the singing and stuff. The rest of them would sit behind us and then quite openly slag each of us off and moan about the kids - often saying stuff like "if he was my boy, he would get a smack", "they've got no idea about discipline" etc etc!!!!

Don't know how I stuck going there for so long - but having the 3 of them at home I was desperate to go out and the mums at the group were really lovely.

Funnily enough, the vicar (he wasn't at the toddler groups) was absolutely lovely, and if you went to one of the Sunday church services with the kids, he would actively encourage them to get up and walk about, provided toys/books/crayons to occupy them etc.

forgot to add - after the Church bit at M&T, went back into hall for coffee/juice/biscuits and the kids would carry on playing. Then you'd get the old dears in the corner moaning about us again

OMG, Slinky!!!!!! My DD would have gone down a storm there. I remember taking her to a toddler group before she was diagnosed with autism and she ran around gleefully running into other kids and stealing their crossiants!!!!!
Think you're all totally right about structured groups.
DS still in a bad mood and caused a rumpus in the unstructured aisles of Sainsburys today!

BH - I'm so glad that I don't have the only child who wanders around the room drinking the dregs of cups of tea and coffee! For some unknown reason it's the only time ds2 ever drinks out of a cup.

• Coppertop.

My dd goes to a lovely Toddler Group run by the local childminding association with her childminder (my sister). I went at Christmas and they were all really friendly and not into comparisons at all.

sis did take her to her most local c/minding group when she moved and couldn't believe it. They expected all the kids to sit quietly and read or play in virtual silence. When sis's dd started running around, sis was asked to make her sit down quietly. She said it was basically a gossip mongering circle with the toddler group as an excuse.