Trying to understand my autistic son

[Cookie0508]

Hi all, my son is 5 and diagnosed ASD. He doesn't have much in the way of sensory issues, he's fine with most noises, lights and other senses. But he does have an issue with noises not in the right context, if that makes sense. For instance a cartoon if he loves, if we had a talking toy from that cartoon he would be inconsoleable.

We have a music player which he and his brother both like listening to. My oldest will only allow certain songs/books to be played on it. My youngest loves listening to all things on it. We have a headset which neither of them will allow on their heads, or ear defenders.

I want to understand the cause of why my son can't tolerate other music on it, or at least the ability to put it into words. Just to help me and others to understand and also see if theres a way we can ease things in gently with him, so that his brother gets to listen to things as well.

Does anyone understand this and can explain it?

There can be lots of reasons why your son won't tolerate other music/stories. It could be sensory: either the noise level or competing background noises. It could be a need to control his environment. It could be difficulty with dealing with the unknown or unexpected - not knowing what song will be on next, for example. He might struggle with understanding that his brother's wants are different from his own, or understanding his brother's feelings when he's not allowed to make choices.

How you approach this will probably depend on your son's understanding and communication skills. Would he cope with going into another room while his brother plays music? Could his brother take the music player elsewhere? Would visual timers for turn taking work (I would practice this with something less fraught than music at first)? Could you start by offering a preferred activity while his brother uses the music player?

My ds is the same I think it’s tied to the body language of the other people when they listen and the emotions caused by what they are listening too. It’s been a huge struggle for twenty years and still is.

Thank you yes, he is PDA so that need to be in control could have a part in it. The not knowing what is next also makes sense as he does get anxious.

They're both very young so have a need to be in the same room as us. Your last idea is a good shout, so I had a go at this. I put something on the music player that he knows well and knows what happens and played a game with him on his tablet while his brother listened. There was an initial panic in his voice but I kept calm and kept him interested in our game. He's calmed down a bit now and it's still playing, so there is hope! Thank you

That's interesting, I hadn't thought of things like that before. I'll certainly look out for that to see if it could be a problem.