SEN - what to do to help

[Whattodo123445]

Shamelessly posting for traffic.

Currently debating giving up my job to care for 6 year old with suspected ASD/ADHD and SPD who is really struggling. Feeling wobbly about the decision and trying to reframe it as 'think of all the things I can do to try and help him'.

What would/have you done that has helped/could help? We're having big issues surrounding aggressive behaviours and school are struggling with him.

So far I'm thinking a much cleaner diet. We don't eat badly but I can certainly cut out more rubbish and focus on gut health. Also thinking learning more about the sensory side of things. I'd like to come up with a plan to start promoting little bits of independence and responsibility for him also.

We already do play therapy and have an OT assessment in Jan that I'm hoping will lead to regular sessions.

Any ideas/suggestions would be much appreciated 😊

What hours do you currently work? Will this mean cutting out wrap around care?

I’m a sahm with ND child. It means no childcare, time to focus on the children, put new things in place, spend time chasing up referals (amazing how much time chasing things up which haven’t happened yet takes!). My ND child has sleep issues so it means I can get some down time during the day.

Find a local support service to link in with where you can get advice and support yourself and meet other parents in similar situations. (Our local Mind has a community autism service with peer support, youth groups, online parent sessions etc and has been very helpful. No diagnosis needed.)

Currently on 25 hours (2 days in office, 2 days WFH/flexi). The flexi element means I'm ending up working every evening as he's on half days or in play therapy. It will mean he can stop after school club two days a week (he does refuse school also).

It sounds ideal being able to do all that. And catch up on sleep! It's the amount of phone calls that baffles me, and they always seem to come in spates!

Ooh this is a good one. They're always on when I'm at work. We have a good SEN parents community here so will venture there.

Things that have helped about not working with an ND school age child, in my case:

Being available to pick up child when school called, or even keep her off school all day if she was in a bad state and I suspected something bad would happen if she went in

Being available to deal with emails/calls from school in a considered way, rather than hurried between meetings

Being able to speak to my child at school pick up time, especially about any behaviour type issues, rather than not until later when she was more tired and harder to have a constructive conversation with

Seeing my child at times of day she was at her best, not only at the difficult/stressful bits of the day (ie getting ready for school and bedtime, which is all I got when working)

Being able to do a lot of admin/prep stuff during the day - eg prepare tea in advance, pack DC kit for next day, so as to be more available after school and could respond better if DC kicked off.

Being able to use quieter time in the day to recover from poor sleep (this was frequent until a few years back) or from big emotional meltdowns which were very draining.

Being able to support DC in getting more exercise and social practice (eg more non school clubs, playdates) and eating well

Obviously, medical appointments and researching and implementing things that will help (supplements, physio in our case)

It was undoubtedly helpful at the time to have me not working, and reduced our family’s stress immensely. DD is now doing brilliantly.

BUT - a big but. As she is doing so well I am now looking at getting back to work and it is pretty soul destroying tbh. Options are very limited and I wouldn’t have the flexibility I’d earned before I stopped. If you have a way to keep working even in some very minor way then do, to keep your options open for later. Unless you have the kind of job that you can always go back to.

Why is DS on a part-time timetable? How long has he been on that and is alternative provision in place?

Does DS have an EHCP?

What support is DS currently receiving both in school and outside school?

Do you have sensory equipment at home? Some people find the Out of Sync Child book helpful.

Wow thank you so much for such a great response.

See all these things sound amazing! The being able to keep him off when needed will be a biggie as well.

I'm thinking I'll get back into work in the short term, but on a very limited basis and claim Carer's. I'm also, possibly unrealistically, hoping to get back to work related study, plus the industry seems to be crying out for people so I'm hoping that side will be okay.

Largely for his own benefit to try and reduce the dysregulation. School have put more support in place to enable him to go back to his full days but as yet it's not happened due to trips/appointments etc. It's been maybe 6-8 weeks I think. We seem to be working together to try and keep him on as even a keel as possible.

He does have an EHCP and the SENCO has said today that we'll do an early review in Jan. Unsure as yet what they want out of that but I know they're struggling.

Support in school is brilliant, with so many adjustments I'd be here a long time to list them all. They essentially go with whatever he needs/we suggest/they think of to the best of their ability. Outside of school he has Play Therapy. We've tried RDA and forest school but he didn't like them. I'm hoping to introduce regular OT once he's been assessed in Jan.

We have a sensory yoga ball or whatever you call them, stepping stones, beans bags, weighted blanket, weighted vest, weighted shoulder wrap, fidgets, tactile stuff, sensory tent. Hoping to get a spinner, swing and sequin mat for Xmas. He is very much a sensory seeker.

Don’t wait until January to request an early review. Make the request to the LA now. You can use one of IPSEA’s model letters.

Alongside this, use one of their other letters to request alternative provision. If DS is unable to attend school full time, the LA has a duty to ensure he still receives a suitable full-time education.

DS needs more support, including therapies, in the EHCP. Do you think the current school is appropriate? What does DS enjoy doing? Could you look at an AP based around his interests?

As well as the sensory equipment, do you have a trampoline &/or punchbag?

Definitely agree it's easier you can give-

Routine and consistency
Take away the stress of childcare
Have time to plan his support/activities
Be there if needed during the day
Have respite time
Access support groups/training in your local area
Get housework/cooking done in the day to make time with him easier

Thank you. I'll speak to school and get the ball rolling.

Yes we do need to look into AP. He needs something. And agree re therapies. His needs have really escalated since his EHCP was done so we will push for everything we can think of. To be honest I'm not sure at the moment. They have a hub now which he's not to my knowledge utilizing, so perhaps that and some AP and extra therapies may make the difference. I'd be very sad for him to leave his current school in honesty.

We do have a punch bag but he's not interested really. We also tried a trampoline, vibrating pad and a few other bits that haven't worked.

Even if the school tell you to wait until January to request an early review, you can make the request yourself.