Do I say anything to teacher or just let it go?

[Lauren87Ellis]

So for context if you’ve not read my previous posts DS is about 18 months into the 2 year wait for autism or adhd maybe both assessment and has a lot of sensory issues and high levels of anxiety. Also had physical therapy assessment at the hospital that suggested dyspraxia.

School have all the information and last year he had the use of an elastic band on his chair to kick against and hand putty. None of this has been made available to him this year. I have requested it again but heard nothing back.

Anyway today he’s come home saying he’s been sent out of the class by TA for chewing his pencil grip ( that I provide as school taking ages)

I have absolutely no issue with her saying blah blah don’t chew that pencil grip but to send him out of class for something I don’t believe he can help.

My instinct is to speak to the teacher tomorrow just to make sure his needs are communicated to all staff but my other thinking is just to wait to get the assessment done and what I’m very confident will be a diagnosis of both ADHD and Autism ( his older sibling has already been diagnosed with both) and then with they behind me make my requests.

He has already been scoffed at by a dinner lady for not being able to tie his shoe laces (he can barely do the zip on his coat never mind shoe laces)

Im worried I’m not advocating enough for him as I’m a very quiet not confrontational person but feel I might be letting him down by waiting for the diagnosis.

Don't wait. Someone agreed last year that he needed provision. It was put in place and was helping. It should either be put in place again this year, or the teacher should be able to explain why it is no longer appropriate.

I say this as a teacher and SENCo. Ask to meet and discuss.

Definitely go in about the shoelace scoffing (grrrrr). The dinner lady needs to be reminded how to behave.

I would talk to the teacher, or email about the pencil grip too. I would position it as school has done so much to support ds while you wait for assessment (mention that older ds has already been through this process so you know it does take time to remind/highlight his situation), and that you are worried that all their brilliant support so far will be wasted if he receives so many negative experiences for things he really can’t help.
Explain that you know things can get muddled in translation with little ones and you are keen to help in whatever way you can. I’d offer to send in extra pen grips, putty, and ask if easy tie laces might be a good plan if not being able to tie laces is something to be ashamed of.

I would imagine it will all get sorted fairly smartly because on the whole teachers will not be pleased at how he’s been treated.

Speak to the teacher and the the SENCO. The school should be providing support and making reasonable adjustments even without a diagnosis. You don’t need to wait for the diagnostic assessments. Support is based on needs, not diagnosis.

The only thing I disagree with PPs about is Shoelaces. Why does DS have shoes with laces if he can't tie them? A scoff is not a nice response and shouldn't happen, but I do sigh privately when children are given laced shoes if they can't manage them on their own. Obviously ignore me if school policy rule's our other options, but otherwise at the next time he needs new shoes, could you get him velcro?

Maybe the child has sensory difficulties that mean only certain shoes are acceptable. Maybe the child needs certain styles/types of shoes for medical reasons. Maybe the child’s feet shape/width means non-lace ups don’t fit well.

DS1 can’t tie laces. Non-lace up options (not just Velcro, other options too, including adaptive laces) don’t work for him because of his needs. Although even without laces, he would still need someone to help him put on his shoes.

Thank you for all the responses. I have taken your advice and asked to have another meeting with the SENCO lead.

I completely understand it must be difficult for the teacher as from speaking to other parents there are at least four other children in my sons class who are either diagnosed or on the pathway.

@Thisismynewusernamedoyoulikeit regarding the shoe laces DS who is nearly 9 does wear Velcro shoes to school day in day out even though he would prefer the lace up options as he’s getting older.

This was a none uniform day and he wanted to wear his football boots ( astro turf type) like most of the other boys in his class and so I agreed and when he said he was worried about his laces I said it would be fine and nobody would mind helping him.

Sorry @BrightYellowTrain if I hit a nerve or @Lauren87Ellis if i made you feel as if you needed to explain yourself. I didn't mean to make my comment about shoelaces sound as rude as it reads back. It's just you'd be surprised how many parents genuinely don't think about sticking to velcro in order to encourage independence. I completely understand that some children can't, won't, or simply would prefer not to wear velcro or other slip-on shoes and I should have worded more sensitively.

In all honesty @Thisismynewusernamedoyoulikeit your private sigh is probably returned ten fold by parents with children with additional needs because the criteria they are buying to is likely to be far more complex than you can imagine. Most of us learn fairly early on to smile blandly when we are given “helpful” advice on such things. Nobody should be shaming children to push development.

You don’t need to apologise to me @Thisismynewusernamedoyoulikeit. I have read enough of your posts to know it wasn’t intended to be hurtful. My reply was because lots of people without firsthand experience don’t understand why a child may have laces even though they cannot tie them.

And that's totally fine. Another parent might find the advice helpful. I agree that nobody should be shaming children for any reason.

@Thisismynewusernamedoyoulikeit my point really was that you need to read the room. This is a board for disabled children’s parents to seek help and support in a rather unkind world. Many of our children will never be able to tie laces and many take considerably longer to learn. Your internal sighs make the world seem even less kind. I appreciate that’s not nice to hear but it sometimes needs saying.

Sure. I appreciate this and I have already apologised for how my post came across.

Was it occupational therapy he saw for dyspraxia/DCD. My son had a report written which included a load of exercises he's meant to do. It included things like using putty.

A scoff is not a nice response and shouldn't happen, but I do sigh privately when children are given laced shoes if they can't manage them on their own.

I had a right argument in Clark’s with the staff, about this, when DD was about seven. DD’s feet are wide at the front with a narrow heel, so shoes tend to just fall off at the back. They told me that the only shoes suitable for her, were lace ups. I flatly refused to get them, as she couldn’t do laces. They were most insistent and said I’d have to sign a disclaimer - I told them that’s fine! I can imagine some parents would give in to avoid an argument in a shop?

DD was finally taught by an OT how to do laces, using a red one and blue one in her teens.

I suggest OP gets springy or elasticated laces for DC. The black elasticated ones looked just like ordinary ones in school shoes; but they convert the laced shoes into slip ons. Ditto trainers with white springy laces.

@Owmyelbow Hi, yes it was occupational health we saw and yes he was given putty to improve hand strength and he’s supposed to roll it into a sausage shape and practice cutting it up with a knife and fork.