Is my daughter going to be kicked out of guides?

[TheQueenInTheNorth]

My daughter is 10 and diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder, she struggles to regulate her emotions and this can lead to difficult and occasionally she can have violent outbursts. I am in the process of getting an ehcp for her and she gets a lot of support in school.

She's been in guiding now for a few years with no issues but when she moved up to guides we changed groups just because the previous group finished too late in the evening for her. She's seemed to settle in to her new group fine, I always have offered to stay behind to support her if they needed me too but have always had the offer politely declined as they felt that she was independent and they were managing her needs.

Recently she's been struggling more with changes as school are preparing her to move up to secondary school next year and also she's struggling with hormones. I took her to guides one evening, she seemed fine when I dropped her off, if she hadn't been I'd have kept her home as I have in the past. I got a call around 30 minutes or so after leaving her asking me to collect her as she was having a meltdown and had been lashing out at other children and leaders and throwing things about, when I got there she was still really angry, she was throwing chairs about, swearing and kicked one of her leaders. I was informed the incident would be reported to safeguarding which I understood, I apologised, got control over her and took her home. Then I got an e-mail the next day saying that she wouldn't be able to return until they had made a decision on what to do.

I have offered to stay and support her as I know that if I had been there it wouldn't have got to the stage that it did as I'd have been able to take her to one side and calm her down and if she was still disregulated I would take her home. I'm now concerned that she might be kicked out of guiding altogether because of this, I do understand that they need to keep other children safe and I agree with that but also feel that they haven't given me the chance to help her. Now they want a meeting and the county commissioner is attending, I'm worried that they will be telling me that she can't come back which will break her heart.

It sounds like she needs a 1:1 support worker with her at guides and then she could continue safely. Do you get DLA for her? Do you think they might be open to a disabled child attending with 1:1?

They need to at least try making adjustments such as having 1:1 whilst there, looking at why DD had a meltdown and exhausting other reasonable adjustments before saying DD can’t attend. Has DD had a social care assessment?

The might be reluctant to have you stay as ideally all adults need to have a DBS. It is possible so long as you're never alone with any child apart from your own, and they could look at getting you a DBS.
Otherwise how much support they can give will depend on how many adults they have. I made the same offer to stay when my DD started Brownies and they said it wasn't necessary as they actually had an unusually high number of young leaders so one could take her off if she needed quiet time.
It's probably also worth trying to unpick what the issue was and see if it can be avoided in future. Is it with particular activities or just the general environment.
Another thing to look at is some areas have packs especially for SEN children. I've not tried them as there's only Scouts in my area but maybe something to explore.

I've had a meeting with them and they are trying to find a solution to keep her in guides, it's just hard as all the groups are low on volunteers, they had a suggestion of moving to another group but it wasn't doable for the day they have that group. I do already have a dbs 3 times over as I do volunteer myself, they want dd to have some indepence which is why they are reluctant to have me there as support.

Oh and yes, I do claim dla for her. We don't have a disability social worker as her needs aren't high enough for one and I manage fine without one

Request a social care assessment. On their website, Contact has a model letter you can use. Ignore whoever has told you DD’s needs aren’t high enough. This could fund a PA to attend guides with DD. DS3 goes to Explorers with a PA to provide 1:1. He did the same in Beavers, Cubs and Scouts.

I volunteered (complete with training and DBS) to keep my son in Beavers as long as possible. It's was a big commitment but the practical solution for us. It was solution for us for about a year but ultimately it wasn't accessible for him.

I really feel for you and wish you lots of luck.