Not been on here before, but need advice.
Backstory
DD12 - ASD
Been out of school for 2.5 years. No words for how useless LA was, I'm sure many of you have been here.
We had a live appeal for 98 weeks, because no school was ever named on EHCP.
It was agreed in May 2022 that she needed a specialist provision. A million case workers and consultations and weeks of radio silence later, we still had no offer.
At beginning of July we went to see a residential school for kids with ASD, completely open-minded, not wanting DD to board,but absolutely desperate. We thought it would either be an unmitigated disaster, or work really well.
DD loved it and they asked her to a trial period. It was an unqualified success, she loved it. This is a child who was previously a school refused, would have terrifying meltdowns in class, would run and hide or just leave the premises and try to walk home when things got too much. She'd had 3 other school placements and a couple of A2E provisions break down.
She really enjoyed having access to her own room/space with en suite loo (toileting is an issue) and also the fact that she could wake up at her own pace, not feel rushed, have breakfast, go back to her room, brush her teeth, (she managed to brush her hair independently which was a big win) before going to her classroom, calm and ready to learn. These were all her words, not ours. She has an extremely low EQ and presents like an 8 year old, but an incredibly high IQ in the 98th centile. Despite not attending school, she decided to go in and give her SATS a bash, completed the papers in a fraction of the time and passed!
At that point, terrified by the cost of residential, the LA suddenly came up with an offer. The school was deeply unsuitable and over an hour away by taxi.
Tribunal at end of September: LA still hadn't officially clarified their position or named a school, the tribunal case officer left, dumped the case with someone else and then 24 hours prior to tribunal agreed to our choice of school and decided to argue that she didn't need residential. Very difficult judge, we lost. LA had no evidence and they discredited all of our evidence, including a last minute report from the psychologist who had originally diagnosed her and her previous school's SENCO who detailed how difficult the morning transition is for DD.
Current situation
School is 50 miles away, a hour's journey minimum.
She is not allowed to eat in the taxi - this is a huge problem because she uses food to regulate. Sleeping is an issue. Melatonin doesn't seem to work. She goes to bed very late, is up a lot through the night and consequently will naturally sleep until 10am. Yes, we've tried every single piece of sleep hygiene, no screens etc.
So mornings have traditionally been a nightmare. We wake her up as late as possible, bring breakfast to her in bed, have to dress her ourselves, pack the bags etc.
She's often so tired that she won't eat breakfast, which is why we'll give her a breakfast bar, or a packet of Go Ahead biscuits or something she can have in the car once she's regulated.
Taxi and LA are adamant - no eating in the car.
Yesterday - her first day. She was really keen and eager to go, got in the taxi, but immediately, I received texts, that she was scared, she didn't like the driver, she doesn't like men, he's scary, he keeps making calls in a different language etc
(this isn't me being racist, I'm repeating verbatim)
Obviously we gave her lots of reassurance. When she got home, the first thing she said was that she hated the taxi and the journey, she feels scared, anxious, alone and it's too long and she can't eat anything.
This morning, tears and tantrums and an absolute refusal to get into the taxi.
She's now saying that while she wants to go to the school, it's not right for her if she has to do that journey. She says it's not fair that she has an hour and other people only have 30 minutes or 45 minutes. She says another child might make it easier.
Council response
To set up some meet and greet via video links with the driver. (I don't think she's going to be interested as she's decided she doesn't like the poor guy)
They cannot ask for a female driver - it's against Equality Law and a very long process and anyway there might not be one available.
We can put in an appeal for a passenger assistant. (Not quite sure what evidence we need).
In the meantime we are supposed to drive her ourselves and claim transport allowance. Except we both work full time and have other children to pick up. Driving an hour there and an hour back twice a day is not feasible for us.
This is exactly what we predicted would happen at tribunal, but they pooh-poohed us and said that as she was motivated to attend school she'd be fine.
What on earth can we do? Is there any way I can get them to consider residential? I mean I know it's just one day, but the taxi driver is wanting to know whether to turn up tomorrow, we'll say yes, but I can tell you know, once DD gets a fixation about something, she'll not change her mind.
Sorry for the long rant. Just trying to give the full story. It's so awful. She's missed Year 6 &7 and the one school that we think could work wonders for her, is too far away.