Judged by neighbours I'm panicking :(

[Peanut2345]

My neighbour used to come for coffee. When my LO was born I'd get a lot of "you don't look like your coping"
She ignores me now with comments about my parenting in passing.

(I was coping btw) just turns out my LO has significant needs. As she's got older the meltdowns are horrendous. I feel so insecure because of the ignoring me and judging. But they have started peering in my windows when she has a meltdown. I feel accused and I feel I have no safe place :(

Tell them to stop peering in your windows. They are not important but your privacy is. The early years of invisible disability are hard but you can still have a happy time, just push back on the things that are making it harder.

Take over a coffee and fully explain whats going on with LO and explain the noise. Explain how it's difficult and how the meltdowns are out of everyone's control and take a lot of energy to manage. Explain how normal parenting does not apply and that you sometimes worry he/she is judging you.

It's understandable for neighbours to be concerned. My DD's meltdowns are galactic and both neighbours, who are very lovely, came over to ask out of kindness if everything is alright. Instead of brushing over it I just let it all out. I understand you might not feel comfortable doing this with these particular neighbours. Others are a bit more blunt with their inquiry...!

Other posters might say 'don't give them the time of day, it's not their business', but I think that's looking at it completely the wrong way. At the end of the day they are probably coming from a place of concern and just need better information.

You don’t need to share medical details to unpleasant neighbours.

Do you have a fence/gates/bush that could stop the neighbour from getting close enough to peer through the window?

Can you shut the blinds/curtains/shutters (whatever you have) during meltdowns? You shouldn’t have to, but it may ease your anxiety. Or you could look at the tinted window film.

Whilst you don’t have to explain DD’s needs, I find saying DC has additional needs/is disabled can help others understand.

Thank you, I did try explaining. I got a one word ok. So I'm not sure if that means they blame me? Tbh I don't understand them at all it's very confusing...

I have to go out to a lot of appointments for her. She under hospital, specialists ect and in passing if they acknowledge and go off out? I say to xyz today. (Although that's stopped now as they see me and walk away 😅 no idea why they think im awful)

So I don't know why I'm appearing so bad? Despite the meltdowns/other issues she can be very happy and sociable.
I'm very clean and tidy, so nothing looks like an eyesore and they speak to my husband..so I am totally stressed about it and catastraphising.

I will add though, her meltdowns do sound very scary and can last hours, she does have an issue with repetitive headbanging. But we are working on this with the specialists, the team are aware... she has had episodes infront and at them .