Starting reception...

[Fivebyfive2]

Hi there,

My son starts reception on Wednesday. He's awaiting his assessment but we're also on the waiting list for occupational therapy and a meeting with the local childrens mental health team for his anxiety, referrals done by his GP. His nursery and Paediatrician strongly believe he's autistic.

He did well at nursery after a very rocky start, with help and support from amazing staff there. He's verbal, curious, can take him to the toilet, can follow simple instructions etc. But he struggles with fine motor skills, noise/busy environments and socialising - he also has very intense separation anxiety and needs solid routines. His sleeping is very erratic, it can be fine for weeks but then out of nowhere it will go to shite and he'll be up from 2am for the day or won't fall asleep until after midnight. It wasn't really an issue at nursery (he didn't nap, would just power on!) but obviously school is every day and a different environment.

He was declined an echp ahead of starting school, but we've had meetings with the school and they're aware of our concerns, they seem very supportive and have a good reputation for being inclusive etc.

I'm trying to be positive - I think with the right support he could thrive as he's bright and curious, just very much on his own wavelength. But I'm so so nervous for him. I just want things to be ok.

Anyway, I was just wondering if anyone has any advice, but also was thinking this could be like a support thread for anyone else in a similar boat for the coming weeks?

I think I'll be avoiding FB and some of my group chats, not sure I can handle post after post of "First day for This One, absolutely smashed it" etc 😬

My daughter is just about to start year 1 in mainstream we are at tribunal next June as she needs a Sen school.

I would speak to school and ask for later start earlier finish to prevent the busy footfall at pick up and drop off, request it as reasonable adjustment.

Has it been longer then two months since you applied for EHCP? If it has I would reapply and not delay. It is very common for the la to decline at every stage and they give a nonsensical excuses. The threshold to assess is low... To put the time scale into context I did a parental request June 2023, we only received the finial at the end of may and it is poor very poor... Forcing us to appeal which is currently a 12 month wait

Have you appealed the EHCP refusal? If not, when did you receive the refusal? Was it a refusal to assess or a refusal to issue?

If DS will struggle with transition into school, request to drop DS off/pick him up from a quieter entrance 5/10 mins early or late. It may not be possible, but ask if there is someone who can meet DS each morning at least to begin with. For separation anxiety some young DC like having something small of their parents in their pocket or a little heart drawn on their hand. Does DS have ear defenders? Will he cope in the lunch hall (think about placement within the hall) or will he need somewhere quieter to eat?

Thanks for the replies.

His ehcp was refusal to assess, stating he appeared to have adequate support at his nursery (he did tbf) and we weren't sure we could appeal based off us wanting things in place for school when we weren't sure what his needs there would be - we applied earlier this year thinking it would take months to get anywhere and he'd be about to start school by the time it was looked at.

We've had meetings with the school - at first we're going to try him going in at normal time, with his friend from nursery who is in his class, but we can request adjustments if needed. They've also said a consistent staff member can be there to meet us/take him in as this really helped at nursery.

We've tried him having a picture of me with him but he just got really anxious about where it was/if it was ok so we stopped. He does always have his comfort rabbit teddy with him and this will continue at school, as well as him being allowed to wear his hat, another comfort thing. At first the reception classes eat separately/before anybody else so it won't be too busy, but there are "quiet spaces" for kids who find the busy area too much. He will wear ear defenders sometimes, so we'll pack those in his bag/leave a pair at school.

Think about requesting another EHCNA and appealing if refused.

I'm in the same position. DS, recently diagnosed - who sounds quite similar to yours in that he's very verbal and doesn't have learning disabilities, but just struggles to cope in a classroom - about to start reception. Also dreading the "Amazing first day!" posts. Amazing first day here is if he doesn't bite anyone...

Absolutely agree that you should request an EHCNA if struggles continue at school. We're in the middle of the EHCP process and our needs assessment was initially rejected on the same grounds - that he was well supported in nursery. We appealed pointing out that he wasn't going to be in nursery soon and school was entirely different. The LA concerned and we didn't even have to go to tribunal. We had other grounds too, but I genuinely think they mostly conceded because it was clear we weren't going to go away. I've no idea if we'll actually get an EHCP but at least he's being properly assessed now.

Good luck to your son on the first day and I hope it's successful in terms of whatever success looks like for him. I'm glad the school are supportive. Are they doing a visual timetable for him? That really helps my son. Happy to chat more here.

@BusMumsHoliday thanks so much for posting! In hindsight I think we should have immediately appealed the ehcp refusal, I did message the case handler and got a response but I think with everything else going on at the time it somehow made sense to wait until he was in school and see what his teachers etc would say 🤦

When is your son's first day? Mine starts this Wednesday, I'll do an update on how it goes. I think he will be mostly ok as long as there's some support there, our main issue is GETTING him inside! After meetings with the school and his teacher going to his nursery I do feel better but it's just such a shame that something that's meant to be an exciting step forward is so fraught! Even the stay and plays and taster mornings were insanely intense, although thankfully he did do ok once there and engaged with things.

Hello! I was so pleased to see this thread, as I’d thought about starting a similar one.

My son was diagnosed with ASC at about three and a half, and will start mainstream reception the week after next. He’s verbal, but talks mostly in scripts, and struggles socially. I’m pretty terrified, if I’m honest.

Our EHCP story is very similar to @BusMumsHoliday - ECHNA application initially refused, then the LA conceded when we said we were going to appeal (without us having to actually appeal). At the end of the assessment, however, they’ve refused to issue, saying DS’s needs can be met by the school’s resources. We’ve filed our appeal with the tribunal, but our final hearing date is September 2025, which is just… an extremely long time away.

On the upside, the school is saying and doing all the right things, and my son is brilliant - a really sweet kid with a lovely sense of silliness. We’ve never had a full cognitive profile completed by an EP, and I’m honestly not sure about how academically able he will be. My instinct is that attention and maybe verbal processing issues will be a challenge for us. Also, whilst theoretically very excited about starting school, he is fairly obviously more disregulated than usual. I think he’s extremely anxious about the upcoming change, but doesn’t yet have to language to express it.

Anyway - wishing you all the best for this week, @Fivebyfive2and @BusMumsHoliday! Please do tell us how it goes.

No advice really just to say my little boy sounds similar to yours and a bag of nerves about sending him to school in sept 2025! Wondering if should apply for an EHCP… nursery meet his needs and put things in place but I should start the ball rolling really

@LiterallyActually ahhh he sounds really sweet! I hope it goes well and the school live up to their talk (we're crossing our fingers for that too!)

We're expecting the next few weeks to be rather intense. He had fun at nursery when he was there but he'd always choose to be at home/with my parents and pottering around a quiet garden centre or the woods. Towards the end of summer term it was a real battle to get him there, despite him telling us what "cool things" he'd done afterwards. At the first school stay and play I was "that parent" trying to stop him from running off and when they came out with the sign in sheet, I shite you not, my son screamed "nooooo dooooo NOT sign us in, I'm NOT going into THAT PLACE" 😬🤦

He is excited to learn to read as he loves books (although he has no interest in sitting and learning letters yet) and we've been bigging up play time, lunch with pudding, finishing at 3pm instead of 4 like at nursery and the school Forrest school programme. We have guinea pigs and we've said after school will be cuddle time with them which he loves. We've set up a set day once a week to see my parents for tea so he doesn't feel like school is taking him away from them too much.

Good luck to everyone! If they go in, it's a win (our motto since DS was 2 🤣)

Hi @LiterallyActually ! My DS is definitely the same regarding starting school - very excited about some things (wants to wear his uniform all the time 😂) but a lot of disregulation both in terms of silliness and what we can "fizziness" and hair-trigger tantrums and upsets. He's been noticeably more reluctant to talk about school since it's gotten closer, too. And sorry to hear you're waiting so long for the tribunal! I strongly suspect our LA will refuse to issue - my DS has a very spiky profile, insofar as he's academically very able but socially and emotionally well behind, in ways that only really show when he's around lots of kids.

@Fivebyfive2 we've also been bigging up the holidays and shorter days, because he really wasn't happy about having to go to school five days a week! Nursery has always been up and down - he loves seeing friends and some activities, but I think would rather be home with me if he could. I genuinely have no idea about how the learning aspect of school will go - he's very academically able and a little information sponge, but also often very reluctant to take instruction or do anything any way except his. And if he can't do something perfectly, he thinks he's terrible at it - so although he's actually quite a good reader for 4, he's resistant to practicing...

DS's school don't start reception until the second week of September here - absolutely ages to wait! So very excited to hear how other first days go.

Exactly the same position here. Awaiting outcome of the EHCNA after an initial refusal to assess. Basically, if you can get an assessment the statistics are in your favour for the LA issuing an EHCP so we are hopeful. My child is diagnosed ASC and a gestalt language processor so he can appear more capable than he is. I have many concerns but in the short term, toileting is a big one. He’s mainly trained for wee but soils himself everyday despite a year of toilet training. School seemed not too fussed about this but seemed to interpret what I was saying as ‘might have an accident’ rather than ‘only half potty trained’. 😨

Ah, @Enjoyingthesun99, I so relate to a GLP who appears more capable than they maybe are - my son was previously obsessed with Paddington, who is obviously incredibly well-spoken and polite. It’s only when he starts wishing you a Good Morning at 4pm, or offering the swimming instructor a marmalade sandwich mid floating practice, that you realise he perhaps doesn’t understand everything he says…

No advice on the toilet situation, but I share your concerns about personal care generally. How did nursery/pre-school approach it?

@Enjoyingthesun99 you should request an intimate care pan is put in place.

Oh my god, my son was obsessed with Paddington too! When he was upset with my dad as a toddler he'd say "I'm giving you a HARD STARE" 🤣 Winnie the pooh books are another long term obsession and even now he still often talks like he's narrating an old English story book. Literally every set up or game must involve "a raging storm with wind that rattled the windows" 🤷

Haha yes this is so relatable. My son has scripts for a variety of situations and because they are scripts his clarity of speech is crystal clear. It’s only when there’s a follow up question or something ‘off script’ people realise he’s got limited understanding. The SALT actually did a formal assessment of him a couple of months ago that I can pass on to school which explains all of this. The senco said the staff have had GLP training so hopefully they will understand. My bigger concern is social situations as he’s not really able to hold a conversation with other children yet 🥲

He just never went for a poo at nursery so it wasn’t an issue but also meant they couldn’t support with our efforts really as it just wasn’t part of his day there. I had a phone call with ERIC who are helpful and suggested an intimate care plan actually. One thing I gleaned from them is that you don’t need an EHCP to have assistance with toileting. Sometimes it’s important to really know your rights and the schools obligations when you have a SEN child I think.

I just wanted to jump on and wish everyone good luck, I remember the anxiety well.

A few of us have a long-standing thread which first began back when our dc started primary school in 2018. If you so wish you can read through our concerns and what actually happened in the first few months. For us, I remember lots of ups and downs but overall things went much better than I worried they would. Until Covid hit in year 1, but hopefully that won’t be an issue for you and your dc!

www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed?page=1

Thanks so much!

Some days I feel so silly, being so anxious about something every family has been doing for years. But I read messages from my friends about how their kids are so excited or how they'll be fine as they've been happily skipping into nursery for years or whatever and it's just like another world.

My current mind set is - hope for the best, prepare for the worst, stay organised and keep going.

I think I'll feel better on Wednesday when he's (hopefully) through the gates 🤣 At least then that build up will be done and we can crack on and deal with things as they play out.

Can I please join! My son started today. He's also a GLP with lots of scripts. His understanding is getting better but still quite behind. I feel so worried as well and very hard to hear about/see other excited parents. His school seem supportive and he has an EHCP so I'm crossing everything and hoping for the best. I do expect there will be bumps along the way, I just hope we can manage the stress and worry that comes with our situation. Hope all the kids starting this week have a good first day

Hi all! How's everyone doing?

My son is in! The morning actually went loads better than I expected, I think some of the prep we've been doing actually helped.

He did go to pieces when I had to go but we knew that would happen. It was chaos at drop off - I'm sure it'll calm down in the next few days but I've already contacted the school and asked to set something up so he has a drop off routine like they offered before he started. He was taken to the quiet room as I left and his friends mum advised the senco to put him with her daughter when he was ready as they're "best friends" and she would want to know he's ok too.

I've built a guinea pig run to distract myself so far this morning 🤣

Hello @AndItBegins. Hope Day 2 drop-off went ok.

And was thinking of you and your boy today, @Fivebyfive2. He’s in! And well done on all the preparation - I have absolutely no doubt it made it all a bit smoother.

We’ve got another week left to go here, and I’m alternately convinced we’ve hit a major regression or DS is just really disregulated by all the school talk. It’s a bit inescapable at the moment - we’ve even been stopped by well-meaning strangers at traffic lights to ask why he hasn’t started school yet (DS is 5 soon and tall for his age, so looks a bit out of place compared to the toddlers still milling about). Not great for anyone’s anxiety levels…

Yes @LiterallyActually all good here. I forgot to mention he went to the preschool so he's familiar and comfortable with the environment. I did strat feeling my son was more dysregulated than usual but not sure how. Hopefully your son settles down and isn't too stressed y starting next week.

@Fivebyfive2 that's good to hear it went better than expected and great he already has a friend which will hopefully make it a bit better.

Hello! Just stumbled upon your post and a lot of what you say rings true to us. DS has a chromosomal deletion (do George syndrome). Is verbal and seems ok academically (knows numbers and letters etc) but struggles with fine motor (hypotonia) and socially.

how was everyone’s full week?

DS bawled on drop off on day one, slightly better for day 2 and 3. He’s used to nursery and likes the food, toys and teachers but I think he is very intimidated by the other children and has just been on his own. He calls them ‘the purple people’ because they all have blue school uniform.

i am quite anxious this week, I think because in nursery I could really be in denial about his issues if I’m honest, but at school it will become increasingly obvious.

We did 3 full days last week so it's the first full week now.

Frst 2 days he was happy leaving the house but had to dragged off me screaming.

Friday and today he was saying he didn't want to go and very wobbly leaving the house but went in just crying a bit, not having to be dragged like they were taking him down the mines!

There's been some teething issues, the ap for ordering the food isn't working yet and there was a misunderstanding about his hat on Thursday but that's been sorted now. He likes his classroom and his teacher, seems really into the books and being outside. They have a quiet room where he goes in the morning and a sofa by a window he likes to chill on in the afternoon.

We've had a consent form for the early years senco to go and observe to see if there's anything school can/should be doing to support him so hopefully that will happen soon.

Good luck to everyone this week, I hope they're all in and you are feeling ok. Xx

Ah, @Fivebyfive2, that’s a big few days. Great that he’s finding his own coping mechanisms and safe places, and good that school is sending in the Senco to hopefully find more ways to support him.

How are you feeling about it all? It sounds like you’ve done a brilliant job of preparing him, but even if the drop-offs were better than expected it can’t be fun.

Still three days to go here. Got an extremely stimmy and agitated little boy on our hands. We had our teacher home visit today, which was both great (she seems lovely, proactively answered a lot of our questions) and awful (DS just could not engage and jogged through his trampoline/sofa bounding circuit on a continuous loop). Also after we talked up DS’s reading skills, he proceeded to parrot back a book whilst holding it upside down, making her obviously assume that he’s just memorised it and we’re delusional…

@LiterallyActually oh god that sounds like the school visit equivalent of taking your desperately ill little angel to the Dr only for them to suddenly perk up be bombing around 🤣🤦 I'm glad the teacher was lovely though, that's definitely a positive!

I'm feeling ok mostly - he seems much more positive about school than we thought he would. He ate the vegetarian chilli and did pe today, said it was fun.

But yeah the mornings are still really hard and I don't really know what can be done tbh. We've been trying all the advice for years, keep being told we're doing everything "right" but it's like he can't link the positive bits of BEING at school (or nursery before) with the apparently traumatic act of GOING if that makes sense? It hurts to think this is It, 5 days a week for years. I wish we could find the key to making it easier for him.

We're also going through a good phase with sleep ATM but I'm dreading the inevitable downturn when he'll have to go to school regardless!