7yo old biting 4yo

[Kalodi]

DS(7) is autistic and has recently started biting his younger sibling. I think some of it is a way to show dominance and the other part is frustration. It's not just him that he is biting but also his things too, as an example he bit and ate his brother's drawing this morning.

I'm obviously concerned as this is often drawing blood. But what worries me even more is how I hear him talking to his brother, he is saying things like how it's an accident or that he shouldn't tell anyone or that he is in charge and so thats what he gets for thinking otherwise. He also threatens him by just showing his teeth to get him to comply.

I very very rarely leave them alone, just when I go to the loo or grabbing something quickly but usually I get one of them to come with me, so a lot of the time this is happening in front of me and DS(7) locks on and stares at me in the eyes. After he let's go he starts shouting at me.

I know I must need to keep an even closer eye on them and look to see when to intervene but I really am struggling with this. Usually 9/10 times I can spot when DS(7) needs help to regulate but with this I'm really missing it. Like with the art work this morning, they were both beautifully drawing and DS(7) appeared really proud of his piece, talking to us about it but when he asked to see DS(4) artwork he said "this needs to be better" and then bit and ate it! It was a really sudden switch of his behaviour.

I'm unsure what to do, what repercussions should happen here? I've been going straight to DS(4) to help comfor him and telling DS(7) he needs to take himself away. Once DS(4) is happy I then go and talk to DS(7) in plain factual language about how it's no acceptable to do that and whatever he was doing before he cannot do for the rest of the day. But this approach isn't changing anything and if anything it's ramping up so I would really appreciate other tactics as I'm getting it wrong here.

Thank you.

So you didn’t post that when the OP had already said her DS does attend nursery? If so, you should alert MNHQ because someone else is posting under your username.

DW @Headfirstintothewild I'm just ignoring LightMuller as they aren't helpful here at all and I think are a bit ignorant or perhaps purposefully being obtuse

@Kalodi isn’t eligible for carer’s allowance because of her earnings. Without being in receipt of carer’s allowance, if DS2 gets 30 hours funding she must earn at least £2,380 over 3 months before tax, which is above the CA earnings threshold (unless she has a lot of expenses to be deducted). That is unless her DH earns above that and she meets one of the other criteria (such as LCW).

Anyway, what I was hoping for were strategies on how to help DS(7) manage this behavior and how to teach DS(4) that this is not okay that didn't consist of me having to wait who-knows-how-many months for a EHCP review and to somehow find a spare £500 to send DS(4) to nursery full time when I love hanging out with my children. I don't really want to just shove my children into institutions and would rather look to address the problem here.

Just doesn't sit right with me to push DS(4) away into Nursery full time when he isn't doing anything wrong here. And DS(7) needs me and DH to understand how to support him better so he stops biting.

Honestly, apart from these biting episodes (which I don't want to diminish as they are horrible for everyone when they happen), we are a very happy and loving family who all love hanging out together.

Yeah thank you @Headfirstintothewild That is correct to my understanding. We did look into it. We do get DLA at least and that's been really useful in providing sensory equipment and days out for DS

Has he had any of his baby teeth out yet? My son is 7 and his top teeth I think are ready to fall out he has been biting everything including wood and metal and is quite aggressive when he does it. Does he have chewy jewellery?
Perhaps it could be this was the initial reason to bite his brother for relief and he has got a desired consequence from his actions such as time away from his brother or to stop an activity he finds challenging and he is now repeating that behaviour to see the cause and effect.

When he hurt himself at school did he bite himself? If he did maybe he could be hurting his brother in a similar way while he sorts/relives his bad memories. He could also be doing this with the the way he talks to your younger son the saying this is wrong and bossing him about could be things he’s heard from teachers/tas at school.
What does he shout at you after he’s hurt his little brother? That might be able to provide you with a clue as to why he is doing this.
I agree with headfirst that a detailed diary of every incident not just the biting but the unkind words aswell so you can hopefully see a pattern.
I would tell him in the moment he is being rude to his brother and give him a warning that if he does this again he will have a consequence
With the biting I would remove him from the situation and comfort your younger son whilst he calms down and get him to say sorry. Explaining to him what he done wrong doesn’t seem to be working and could possibly make the behaviour more ingrained.

I would also encourage him to be as helpful as he can with his little brother such as making him snacks or getting him to tuck his brother in lots of little things like that so he can see himself as a big brother who takes care and helps his brother rather than competition or someone to dominate.

Have you looked into play therapy aswell so they can talk to him about his past trauma at school?