Hello, I’m hoping for some support and advice please as I’m completely lost and heartbroken and don’t know what to do!
My son (3) has had difficulties since he was 1 year old.
I informed his nursery before he started (aged 2) there that we suspected he had ADHD and also that he was not reaching developmental milestones. We asked if they could support us with referrals etc if needed further down the line and they said they would of course do that.
His key worker when he first started kept talking to us at pick up time saying she thought there was something going on with him, which we agreed with and had taken him to a GP who had said he was fine, nothing going on.
His behaviour started to get really difficult. Tantrums multiple times a day which he couldn’t be distracted from and could last an hour or more. Very aggressive behaviour towards us and his older sibling and towards children and staff at nursery.
When he started in the pre school room in September last year we kept speaking to various members of staff about his behaviour and how concerned we were .
Finally in October last year a meeting was arranged with the SENCO. She did a support plan for him and SMART targets and referred him to speech and language therapy plus contacted the area Senco.
He completed an Ages and Stages questionnaire with our health visitor in February and scored 170. We were told that scores over 59 indicated the need for an autism assessment. We’ve been referred and are waiting.
There were 3 incidents of inappropriate behaviour at nursery where he put his hands down another child’s trousers. I was contacted by his room leader and told if there were any more incidents he would have to leave the setting. I asked what happened after the incident and if she spoke to him and told him not to do this. She said she’d just led him away. I spoke to him that evening and explained he mustn’t do that any more and there’s been no more incidents.
I contacted the nursery manager who said they weren’t at that stage yet and had other options to try first.
Every time we have a meeting at nursery we’re told what hard work he is and how much they’re struggling.
My concerns now are that the support plan has not been followed or updated since October. When questioned about this they said they didn’t have the staffing ratios to be able to do this.
A chew bracelet we brought into nursery for him to use when anxious has not been used and he repeatedly comes home with mouth ulcers from biting the inside of his cheek. A sticker chart we were using to support him and which was working very effectively - they lied about using it and when confronted admitted they’d forgotten!
We were asked to take different hours for him as they struggle with him at pick up times. We couldn’t do this as it didn’t fit in with our jobs and felt we had no option but to offer to collect him earlier instead.
We’re now missing out on hours we could be working and it’s having a financial impact.
We want to take him out of the nursery as don’t feel he is being supported but both my husband and I need to work and need child care so need to find another nursery first! They’re all full or unable to manage “another child with SEN”
I had to take the day off yesterday to keep him at home as he’d been left on Thursday without support although exhibiting quiet and withdrawn behaviour and had chewed the inside of his cheek severely and was flapping his hands and really struggling even at home. He had a huge meltdown that evening and Friday morning and I couldn’t face sending him in.
At home my son is easier to manage. We’re using aids for children with ADHD and autism and learning how to manage his behaviour and support him effectively.
We don’t feel his nursery are making any effort apart from complaining how much hard work he is and we’re finding it so upsetting. All I seem to be doing recently is crying, worrying and struggling to sleep!
Sorry for the long post. I’m trying not to drip feed!