Toddler not responding to name

[RiverRock22]

Disclaimer: I know it's a massive marker for ASD and she has some other traits too (speech delay, poor receptive language, lack of joint attention etc). She does interact in people games, brings books to be read etc. I have been referred for paed appt to assess for this.

She is under SALT and also known to ENT for previous glue ear (still require follow up hearing test, however hearing should be clear enough to turn to name in a quiet room.

I'm starting to get really frustrated and down about it as it is the keystone when communicating. I have tried the whole calling and if she turns celebrate wildly but she seldom turns.

If your child didn't respond to name in their toddler years, did they eventually and if so, how did you get it to happen.

Thanks

Hopeful bump...

My DS is 13 now. He has ASD. He didn't respond to his name for a long, long time. I'm trying to remember when he did. I think it was around 5? As I've mentioned in other posts, he was completely non-verbal until around 4. He went from no words at all to full sentences within a couple of months. I wish I could say how and why it happened. His consultant did say that DC with ASD do develop in a non-typical way. He was the same with potty training. Still in pull-ups at 4 then 'got it' within a couple of weeks.

You say your DD is getting SALT which is great. Hopefully they will be able to discuss some tips and strategies with you. I would say early intervention is so important.

How old is your DD? I take it you've done the M-Chat test? (You can Google it.) It gives a helpful idea of the kind of thing to look out for as ASD markers - but from your post you sound like you're pretty clued up anyway.

For us, we did a lot of work with trying to get our DS to see the 'point' of communication. We taught him the sign for 'more'. Then we played games like blowing bubbles or winding up a jack in the box that he liked. We would model the sign for 'more' and then once he copied it we would 'reward' him with more bubbles etc.

We would also hold up toys that he really liked to our faces and then talk about them in a really exaggerated way so that he was 'forced' to look at our faces. We would also get down on the floor and really engage with his play, even if he was ignoring us.

If your DD is pre-school, it would be worth enquiring if the portage play scheme operates in your area. Your health visitor should know. They were amazing for us. A lovely lady would come round to our house once a fortnight and leave us toys for DS to play with and give us tips on how to help his social interaction.

I know how hard it is not to worry - and it can become all-consuming. It sounds like your DD is still quite young though so hopefully things will improve with her social communication. The fact that she's bringing things to you is really good - my DS never did that.

How old is she ? There is no one marker for ASD so don't get too fixated on name responding. What is the bigger picture ? Will she respond to suggestions/instructions ? It sounds like there are some positives in there with social interaction and bringing books to you ?

Hi @RiverRock22 - I promise I'm not stalking you haha. But as I saw your other posts on the speech delay, thought I'd add our experience.

Our DS was the same at that age and we did try teaching him in the exact way you are. It may have helped a little, but we never got consistent responses, it felt like a struggle and our efforts eventually tailed off. Looking back I wonder if he just needed more time to decide that he wanted to tune in to the language being used around him. We had some OT advice on our DS and, upon observing him at nursery, she said she felt he was "spending a lot of time and energy tuning out the sounds around him" either because they were an unwelcome distraction to a preferred activity, or even upsetting (eg another child crying). She also said that, just because he doesn't respond [to you speaking to him] in the way you expect him to, it doesn't mean he's not listening or taking it in, he just doesn't see the need to react in the way you're expecting him to right now.

As he heads toward 4.5yo he (mostly) reliably responds to his name, sometimes even when he's running off and we call him back, but if I look back I think this has been on his terms. I've learned how to communicate with him better, he's done the same with me and other familiar adults, and therefore he's got a reason to bother listening when I try to talk to him 😂.

With all the effort you are putting in right now, I just wish I could create a time machine for you - we were in the exact same boat when DS was your DDs age! Hang in there and just keep talking with her, it's probably sinking in even if it doesn't seem like it right now!

Thank you for your reply.

I’m fairly sure she is on the spectrum she has so many traits and her social cues are that of a child much younger. I’m at a really low ebb at the moment as she understands about 5 commands. She doesn’t respond to her name and only communicates by hand leading (which in itself is good but she doesn’t make eye contact and just leads me to things as a tool).

What I’m really struggling with at the moment is her not understanding no or understanding being told off even though I obviously do the whole ah ah, wave finger, tone of voice etc. She keeps hand leading me for treats while her dinner is cooking and I try to say no but she doesn’t understand. My heart is broken I feel so low

She is almost 3. Her receptive language is really poor. Bring books and laughing during people games is about the height of her interaction with us (apart from the hand leading). I feel she ticks so many social/communication boxes for ASD.

I’m really worried for the future as she doesn’t seem to respond to anything.

Hey Scratchy fancy meeting you here lol. Thank you for your reassurance, it’s so hard at the minute as she doesn’t under stand us and is finding communication and interaction difficult so there is such a barrier in the way. I wish I had a time machine too.

@RiverRock22 I think there are a few of us who pop up on all these types of threads 😂

But yeah, I know what you mean about feeling like there's a barrier there. It's slowly coming down for us but it did take the time between your DD's age and now (nearly 4.5yo) to get there, but the engagement is exponentially higher, and more fun. DS has a really adorable sense of humour that he can now share with the rest of us!

I never found any silver bullets, but continuing to engage with her, showing her you're interested in what's important to her, etc etc - I'm positive all the stuff you are already doing - just keep going and it can really change, even if it feels thankless now. Obvs I can't guarantee anything as they're all different, but it sounds like a lot of people have similar experiences where their DCs undergo the developmental leap expected by 2yo at around the 4 or 5 year mark. So it can happen!

You mentioned you have a Developmental Paeditriacian involvement ? Did the Health Visitor make a referral ? Or was there a concern at Nursery ? I think from what you have reported, some more detailed assessment is needed. You should not worry too much about this as it will not change anything - don't listen to people who say 'Oh you don't want her to get labelled' as if not seeking help is a good way to avoid problems. You may find that some extra help is needed to develop communication and the sooner you can find out what you have to do to help your daughter the easier it will be. It's natural to feel low when your child can't do what others around them do so effortlessly and no one can help you or even understand exactly what you are so low about. Can you talk to your partner or parents or friends about your concerns ?

Thank You.

Yes the HV took the wait and see approach to begin with but I pushed for referral as I wanted the ball rolling.

I just feel in a constant state of worry and nausea. I have accepted that she most likely will get an autism diagnosis, however, the scale of how severe that will be really worries me. Like will she be dependant her whole life?

Can you gauge from toddler age how severe their needs will be or is it not apparent to later?

I’ve spoken to the doctor and my family and how I feel is very much triggered by the situation with my daughter. We’re monitoring it and hopefully as I get more answers these feelings will subside.

The level of autism in any child won't be fully apparent until later on so it's each day as it comes. It's upsetting to read about worst case scenarios but equally reading about positive outcomes does not really help for long if you don't really know if your child is going to have the same developmental trajectory or not. However all children with or without autism develop and gain skills as they age.

Have you heard about the M CHAT test, it's quite useful and shows you areas you can discuss with the paed .

https://www.autismspeaks.org/screen-your-child#:~:text=The%20Modified%20Checklist%20for%20Autism,further%20evaluation%20may%20be%20needed.

@RiverRock22 how is your little one doing now? Did you get any support from GP, HV? Has SALT helped?

I know this is a slightly older post so I’m unsure as to whether the not responding to name is still an issue but I had the same problem with my suspected ASD DS at 2.

Tried everything and one day, out of desperation I bought a giant bag of chocolate buttons and tried to get his attention by calling his name and the first time he even slightly shifted his gaze in my direction he got a button and over exaggerated praise. It took a day and the entire bag of buttons but he just seemed to get it after that. I was shocked but I rarely like to tell this story as it was the same way I trained my dog and it just feels a little wrong that I almost trained my child using the same method.

I know this won’t work for every child but I just wanted to share incase it helps someone else. My DS is two and a half now and is picking things up a lot faster now I can reliably get his attention and we even had a couple of words in the last week so it’s progress at last!

@Ticklemeharder I tried this as well with chocolate. After 50 small bits of chocolate my son got over a few days he would turn every time when I called his name. Some time after I stopped rewarding him for turning around he again stopped responding to his name. The reason I did not try again is because he was 'trained' to answer to his name, he did not really understand that that was his name/ his identity.

Oh I’m sorry to hear that. Yes, I was worried he’d do exactly the same once the chocolate bribes stopped but I was lucky in that he continued to respond once the bribes disappeared. I’m not sure my DS fully understands the concept of “his name” yet but I’m taking the fact that I can now get his attention at least as a positive sign.

Hi @RiverRock22 just checking in on how you and your DD are now? 💕

@RiverRock22 Hi any updates on your dd ?