Help me - DD went missing from school yesterday

[PritiPatelsMaker]

Yesterday we got a call from school, DD had been missing for 2 hours before they called us.

She's never gone missing from school before but occasionally will turn off her location on her phone and not answer calls if she's decided to stay out later than we've agreed.

In those two hours she's walked along a busy main road, in the pouring rain, to another town, although it is a route and town that we're familiar with, just in the car.

After a bit of gentle texting from DH she's told him where she was and I've picked her up. She was cold, wet and very upset but won't say more than "I just don't want to be there".

We've been trying to get help from the schools for possible ASD since she was 7. The tantrums are like nothing I've ever seen when she was younger and now she will react to any sort of demand, like trying to discuss if she's been revising.

Her DCousin has just been diagnosed with ASD at 17 and her DB is currently been assessed fir ADHD.

Currently she's doing mocks for her GCSES. Yesterday afternoon she should have had one, which we suspect that she hasn't done any revision for.

School have suggested keeping her off today and having a meeting with us tomorrow.

Once she's realised that there's no school today she seems happier, like nothing has happened. We played on the Wii last night altogether and she seemed pretty much like her old self.

So lovely MNers, what do we do now?

Forgot to say. She pretty much acts like a rabbit in the headlights if you question her and I know that's how she'll behave in the meeting with school.

The lack of emotional language really concerns me.

Anyone?

If the school won’t refer for an ASD assessment you can ask the GP to refer. In some areas you can self refer.

What support are the school providing? Is she receiving any emotional literacy support?

I would also question why the school didn’t inform you until DD had been missing 2 hours.

When the school suggested keeping DD off have they formally excluded her?

Thank you so much for responding Thats. I really do appreciate it.

If the school won’t refer for an ASD assessment you can ask the GP to refer. In some areas you can self refer

The School have now set up a meeting on Tuesday to discuss referral. It's only taken about 5 years and her getting to a state where she can no longer cope.

What support are the school providing? Is she receiving any emotional literacy support?

So far nothing although we do have a meeting tomorrow. I am definitely going to ask for Emotional Literacy Support. That wasn't something that I thought they could help with so thank you for that suggestion

I would also question why the school didn’t inform you until DD had been missing 2 hours

This we don't know. We know that she missed a Mock. It wasn't until DS got home and said "so didn't she go to Form then* that she'd missed two registrations before calling us. So far, I haven't said anything about this. Yesterday was a bit overwhelming and I want to see what they say tomorrow.

When the school suggested keeping DD off have they formally excluded her?

They've suggested keeping her off today. I've asked her if she thinks she can managed half a day tomorrow so the plan is she just does the afternoon.

The school need to be providing more support. Do they have a counsellor? A key worker/mentor? Does DD have access arrangements for exams e.g. a smaller room, rest breaks? Other suggestions depend on exactly what DD is struggling with.

Going forward if you don’t think DD can attend school the LA must provide alternative arrangements. This should begin once it becomes clear DD will miss 15 days. The days don’t need to have already been missed or consecutive. In addition to this if you think DD needs more support than school can provide you could apply for an EHCP.

I do think you need to raise the length of time DD was absent for before they called you. Also check how DD’s absence has been recorded.

Thank you again Thats.

She has been missing school. Not so much this year but we did have quite a bit of school refusal last year.

Honestly the main thing I think she's struggling with is the fact that she's not revised and it's suddenly hit her.

There does seem to be a problem getting her to do any though. I don't know if it's demand avoidance as she just screams at us if we mention it.

So far, she's not been willing for me to arrange Counselling with the school as she informs me that a few of her friends have seen the School Counsellor who just suggests that they have a warm bath. How true this is I don't know.

In addition to this if you think DD needs more support than school can provide you could apply for an EHCP.

In all honesty, I'm not sure what these are or what they do?

Would it be worth getting one as she had 2 terms left? Granted though that those two terms include her GCSES and she is hoping to go to college.

And don't worry, we will be definitely having a "conversation" about the fact that they let her go missing for so long before they let us know. Me and the Head of College have had a few conversations before and I bet she went into a right panic when she realised which child they'd lost.

We've also had a talk with DD about where to go that's safe if she ever gets overwhelmed like that again.

I have to say that’s extremely poor of the school for her to be off sites, not just truanting eg hiding in the toilets for two hours. That’s dangerous.

an EHCP would travel to college with her as any needs she has aren’t going to stop at the end of Y11.

Thank you Sachi.

The road that she walked along was a busy A road. God knows how she navigated the very busy roundabout that's also a junction for another A road.

An EHCP is a legal document that sets out a pupil’s needs and support they require to meet those needs. It can include support DD wouldn’t otherwise receive e.g. SALT, OT, MH therapies (‘proper’ therapies rather than a school counsellor) to help DD. EHCPs can provide support until 25 or in some circumstances 26 so it’s definitely still worth doing.

Does DD know how to revise? Has she been taught study skills?

We've also had a talk with DD about where to go that's safe if she ever gets overwhelmed like that again.

Does DD have a time out card?

An EHCP is a legal document that sets out a pupil’s needs and support they require to meet those needs. It can include support DD wouldn’t otherwise receive e.g. SALT, OT, MH therapies (‘proper’ therapies rather than a school counsellor) to help DD. EHCPs can provide support until 25 or in some circumstances 26 so it’s definitely still worth doing

Thank you again. I will ask about that tomorrow.

Does DD know how to revise? Has she been taught study skills.

We've tried and school have put on lots of sessions but she just won't engage. Says that she can do it by herself.

Does DD have a time out card?

No. I feel woefully unprepared for all of this. I didn't know that was a thing that we could ask for either.

A time out card is an often used provision in schools for pupils with SEN. To allow DD to step outside the classroom/go somewhere specific when things are starting to get too much to prevent it reaching a crisis point.

Have a look at IPSEA and SOSSEN’s websites for information about EHCPs.

A time out card is an often used provision in schools for pupils with SEN. To allow DD to step outside the classroom/go somewhere specific when things are starting to get too much to prevent it reaching a crisis point.

This sounds perfect although DD can be a mercenary sod and will probably be exploit that to her full advantage.

Have a look at IPSEA and SOSSEN’s websites for information about EHCPs.

Thank you again. Your help is really invaluable

This sounds perfect although DD can be a mercenary sod and will probably be exploit that to her full advantage.

This would highlight the extent of DD’s unmet needs.

This would highlight the extent of DD’s unmet needs

That's true. I think I've been in shock about it for a couple of days and focused on looking after her. In the middle of the night I got angry. So it should be an interesting meeting today. DD hates conflict of any kind so I might save the conversation about why they let her go missing for two hours before contacting us for when she's not there.

I don't think they will be allowing time out cards given she obviously left the school site without permission. I would suggest that they highlight her as a flight risk. If she does not arrive in class teachers need to alert SLT or pastoral who will then search the site before calling the police.

A time out card is still a reasonable adjustment despite DD absconding once. A time out card doesn’t mean DD gets to wander to a random place nor be unsupervised. It may even prevent DD absconding again because there will be somewhere specific to go when she’s overwhelmed.

She's been given a time out card but she either has to go to the SEN room (they don't call it that but I can't remember what it's called) or the College Head office.

The only restriction is that she's not allowed out at lunch time for now. I've not resisted that yet as she generally is content to stay at school with her friends at lunch.

@Thatsnotmycar we've had a meeting with the SENCO lead today who are going to refer her to the Community Paediatrics for an assessment for ASD.

They said that they've had a few referrals have been knocked back recently with them saying that the behaviour is due to the effects of lockdown and so we should write an email giving all of her behaviour and include things from as far back as possible.

So far I can think of fussiness with food starting at around one.

Not talking until she was 3 then getting sounds mixed up like cossee & mussin instead of coffee & muffin resulting in SLT.

Meltdowns. Meltdowns like I've never seen resulting on me asking SENCO to look at her at 7.

Lack of expression about how she's feeling. She literally can't tell us.

Not wanting to socialise outside of school unless it's with family.

Anxiety over everything.

Obviously I'll add the details but is there anything that you think they will particularly be looking for that I'm missing?

They’ll probably ask you so many questions that your head will spin!

Maybe try to group them into the main categories:

• language and communication
• social interaction
• restricted routines and stereotyped behaviour
• Sensory difficulties.

Did you get a satisfactory answer about how a vulnerable child was missing for 2 hours without them contacting you ? And how she got out in the first place?

If they apply to DD you could mention anything else related to social interaction/social communication? Any difficulties with joint attention? Friendship issues? Is she ever selectively mute?

Any other sensory issues?

Perfectionism? Or difficulties with changes in routine/transitions?
Has DD ever had special interests?

And how she got out in the first place?

Many mainstream secondary schools aren’t secure sites. Obviously that doesn’t excuse them not informing the OP as soon as it became apparent DD had left the site, but leaving the site isn’t difficult at some secondary schools.

I can’t speak for every school (there are 100s), but working in education for a long time I’d be very surprised if any school is that insecure that a vulnerable year 11 could walk out without anyone knowing. It’s a safeguarding risk.

Y11's can leave the site at lunch. The school was built in the late 60s and definitely isn't secure, unlike most modern schools.

How they managed not to tell us for 2 hours is s different question though.

Yes DD absconding is a safeguarding risk. But OP hasn’t posted DD did leave the site without anyone knowing. DD missed 2 registrations so the school must have known, they ‘just’ (unacceptably) didn’t inform her for 2 hours. Many secondary schools aren’t secure sites.

X post. There’s many schools that are similar. There’s another poster on the SN boards whose DC’s secondary school was open and very near a busy road, no fence at all, until she pushed for a fence because of her DS with SEN.

If they apply to DD you could mention anything else related to social interaction/social communication? Any difficulties with joint attention? Friendship issues? Is she ever selectively mute?

Any other sensory issues?

Perfectionism? Or difficulties with changes in routine/transitions?
Has DD ever had special interests?

Thank you so much Thats.

I think that her sensory issues mainly revolve around food.