AIBU to not pursue an autism diagnosis for my child

[pondersome]

I am autistic, as are a few of my close relatives. We were diagnosed as adults.

I think my preschooler is autistic. But if so, it is mild. He attends a great nursery and no concerns have been raised.

I feel that I understand him well enough to advocate for him, and guide him through the parts of life he struggles with. I don't feel that my husband and I would do anything differently if he had a diagnosis.

And I think that his needs are mild enough that he wouldn't need, or be offered any specialist therapies or support.

Obviously, if there is some support he needs but can't access without a diagnosis, we would get one. And if he ever wants to pursue a diagnosis, that would be his decision.

I just don't see the point right now. It wouldn't change how we parent him. It wouldn't unlock any special support. He doesn't need any special support as far as I can see.

I don't want to go in to the specifics of his 'symptoms' on a public board, but he doesn't currently need speech therapy, or help with motor skills etc.

Am I being unreasonable? Are there therapies that a mildly autistic 3yo could benefit from?

I think it could really help when your child starts school, if there are problems. My son is very brainy but struggles to behave appropriately in the classroom. Talking about it in terms of ASD is helpful and means he isn't labelled "naughty", there have also been occassions when I've challenged school on discrimination grounds where my son's needs are not taken into account. He doesn't get any funding but it does help the school deal with him differently and make allowances.

I can see why you’re not rushing for a diagnosis, he is still so young. I took my son at 18 months to be seen as I spotted some autism “red flags” but he was signed off as no concerns. Then preschool flagged it and they had him assessed by an Ed Pysc and I had him referred through the GP to the paediatrician again when he was 4 - again, no diagnosis as he was not being held back in any way.

He did well in infants then in year 3 was struggling with his emotions so his teacher suggested another referral which took ages because of Covid, then now at the end of year 4, aged 9 he has been diagnosed with ASD, and the Dr helpfully told me it would have been classed as Aspergers in the old days.

School are not doing anything different since the diagnosis and have said they won’t do a further Ed Psyc or does he meet the benchmark for an EHCP. Sort of makes me wonder why they requested the referral, but they are good at supporting his needs, he has an IAP and they do a lot of intervention with him, just not enough to need an EHCP etc.

So the only person the diagnosis has really helped is me as I have looked more into Aspergers as a result and feel I have a better idea of potential challenges ahead and how I can help support him over the coming years. If you are already in a position of knowledge I can see why you don't see the benefit of a diagnosis at this stage. And to be honest you could end up like me, going to loads of assessments and then being told the issues weren't great enough for a diagnosis.

I agree with posters who said not to bother for now but be open to seeking one in the future if it would help with school support etc. One thing I have noticed since reading more about ASD is that girls seem to suffer badly from not being diagnosed early enough. They are much better at masking and sometimes the consequences are not apparent until a stage when damage has already been done. However, it sounds like you are your son’s biggest advocate and are looking out for him so i think that’s as much as you need to do right now personally.

You can apply for an EHCP yourself, and the needs assessment would include an EP assessment. Schools often wrongly say a pupil won't get an EHCP.