I;m not coping, but what choice do I have?

[EileenGrimshaw]

My son is 7.5 yrs old, with severe and profound learning difficulties. He has no speech and I am lone parenting.
I have got to the stage where I don like my son anymore.The constant noise, demands and destruction have bought me to the end of my tether. I am severely depressed, have my own health problems and have tried GP, SS/SW for help, but got nowhere.
I get three hours respite a week, I used to get six when I wasn't on my own.
I can't reason with my son, he is mentally about 18 months, but the size and strength of a 9/10 year old.
I feel as though I am a machine here just for his needs and if he wern't here I would be nothing as I have gradually lost my identity over the last 6 years. My GP says I am very run down, no kidding and I feel as though there is nothing left for me.
I would put son into care, but his Dad and my family would be horrified.
Mental torture, physical and emotional exhaustion, is this my only choice?

So sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. Sorry that I have nothing constructive to say. Just wanted to say don't try to cope alone. Let people know that you are struggling esp your DS's dad. I hate it when men opt out when things get difficult.

Thank you for all your messages today. DS is back to school on Monday, if he's not ill.
Asked husband to read this thread and he has since ignored me.

Dear EG, I too felt like you but I have more help and more services Have you spoken to the NAS Helpline? It may take a short while for someone to get back to you but it is worth it and you need HELP! I would a version of your original post into writing and send it to everyone you can think of, ALL of them - GP, Soc Svs, School, LEA, Local Councillors etc etc. Don't let them get away with thinking it isn't as bad as it is and, by sending it to a group of people, they may start asking what is being done by each other, it works for me. I feel for you so much.

Making interested noises about residential care sounds like a goer - as an insider I've helped persuade SS many times into paying some very high fees for residential care - If they had to fund your son, believe me they wouldn't get any change from £3-4000 a week. That's why they try dismissing you at first and then as you start getting demanding and making noise about resi care they tend to pin their ears back and do something because proper home support by direct payment is a fraction of the cost.

Oh Eileen. ((hugs)) I have a very challenging SN 7 year old too, feel as if I am at the end of my tether much of the time at the moment and get minimal input from SS, but I have an (equally exhuasted) DH doing half the work with me. I am lucky.

I so feel for you. I totally agree with Jamila.. make enquiries about residential care. With regard to this actually happening, this may or may not be the right choice for your son but SS will be made to realise you aren't coping, even though, by their standards, you are. I have come to realise that if they see that a child is not being abused or neglected and the parent(s) is/are managing to get from day to day/week to week somehow, they will leave you to it! They have to be made to realise that they can't leave you to it anymore.

Thinking of you, I really am. This board is a godsend for me. At the very least it is a place to offload to people who know, and care and to whom you are not just a professional statistic on their caseload. Sometimes I think MN gets me through it! So keep coming back. xx

If you've just finished half term no wonder you feel like this. Ours was the week before yours and I'm still recovering from the shock. You're not in Cornwall are you?

How are things today? Any better?

Hi everyone, feeling much more positive today. Ds back at school, so we are both happy!

I have booked a flight for DH to come home for the weekend and Friday, so he will be banging desks too.

Have looked a residential care homes and our nearest is Lambs in Congleton, Cheshire. So might make some interested noises in that direction and see what happens. We did ask SS for help towards a playroom/workroom for our son, but they nearly fainted at the suggestion!

It seems that were we live, your child has to have physical needs, not the more subtle neurological needs to get the help thats needed

House is tidy once again, the cats have reappeared, the dust has settled and that odd smell has gone.....all is right with the world!