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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

WTF, if you know nothing about ASD, then say nothing.

40 replies

totallyfreaky · 21/10/2007 00:00

At the shop today, (am a regular there) the shopkeeper commented that ds was shy, but noticed he sqeals alot, so I replied that he has ASD,and was shocked when he said, 'oh really I did'nt know, you can normally tell by thier face

This is the same shopkeeper that asked me witch one of my twins I prefere

OP posts:

deeeja · 21/10/2007 00:07

The 'specialist health visitor' at my local cdc, told dh that ds 'couldn't possibly be autistic because he smiles', errr...thanks for your 'specialist' opinion.
How about the doctor who told me that I was lucky to have my other ds's, so unlucky to have my asd ds?
The world is full of idiots!

Original poster

totallyfreaky · 21/10/2007 00:09

some people can be so insensitive

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chipmonkeyPumpkinNorks · 21/10/2007 00:55

tf, just be glad you don't have to live with the insensitive f*er! He probably has a long-suffering wife!

Niecie · 21/10/2007 01:07

I would suspect he was getting muddled with Downs Syndrome - people like that are so ignorant that they get confused. He should keep quiet though.

There is a small boy who makes a bee-line for DS2 (aged 4) when I pick up DS1 from school. I have suspected for a while that child is on the spectrum somewhere and the other day his big brother turned up in a school sweatshirt I didn't recognise. I asked the mother of one of DS1's friends if she knew what the school was and she said 'It's that school for retards, they're all autistic there'.

I was speechless and couldn't even begin to put her right.

It is sad that there is so little understanding of what autism is, even after all the press it has been given in recent years.

And I was wondering why I have never felt comfortable with telling her that DS1 has AS.

amytheearwaxbanisher · 21/10/2007 01:17

niecieis anyone THAT insensitive!

Niecie · 21/10/2007 01:37

Amy - she is a relatively intelligent woman too! I didn't think anybody used such words any more, although she does delight a bit in being anti-PC iyswim.

The sad thing is that I wouldn't be surprised if her youngest has something on the spectrum too. He doesn't act like your average 3 year old and can barely speak although he has just been dx with glue ear so maybe he will cope better when he can hear. I pity him if he is autistic though - his father is even more intolerant.

Or is it me being hypersensitive and just seeing autism everywhere these days?

amytheearwaxbanisher · 21/10/2007 01:42

no your not being hypersensitve i cant claim to have anyone with autism in my family but know people with authistic dcs and even beforehand had a good idea about what it was,didnt know anyone used..that word anymore anti-pc sound like a ?/!)+

cornsilk · 21/10/2007 08:02

He sounds like an idiot toally freaky. No wonder you're cross.

mm22bys · 21/10/2007 09:03

Unfortuntely, alot of people know a little tiny bit about a lot of conditions, whether that condition is autism, epilepsy, diabetes, or whatever.

I've found in a lot of cases it's better just to grin and ignore them, if they are going to make such ignorant remarks, you won't be able to change their view or perceptions in a couple of minutes....

Original poster

totallyfreaky · 21/10/2007 09:28

Blimey Niecie, I cant believe a grown woman could use that word, its a word you only imagine disrespectful kids/teenagers to use.

I dont think the shopkeeper was confused with AS because he also mentioned children with asd are often bright.

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needmorecoffee · 21/10/2007 09:41

My MIL has told me that ds doesn't have Aspergers. Seeing as she is a retired school teacher and nota child psychiatrist she should button her lip. Sad thing is, she's convinced my 15 yo that I have Munchausens and am making this all up re her brother.

FlameBat · 21/10/2007 09:52

My friend told me that there is absolutely nothing wrong with DD, she has seen children with AS before and DD is definitely completely "normal" (from her vast knowledge of having met children on one end of the AS scale, and my DD who is very much the other end)

Most things I trust her judgement on, but this one we're going to have to agree to differ...

People just assume that they know more than they do

FlameBat · 21/10/2007 09:52

NMC - for your MIL

Original poster

totallyfreaky · 21/10/2007 09:52

Oh yes, mil's always seem to have crazy explanations, my mil says ds is not ASD, but his problems are because he was sent to a child minder for 20 hours a week until he was 3, so in her eyes its all my fault because I abandoned him

OP posts:

supportman · 21/10/2007 10:42

I think that people who know little or nothing about SN should keep their opinions to themselves. Even myself as an experianced carer can often not know what someones DX is at a glance. There are times when I could with 100% certianty say to myself that someone has, for example, autism. Having worked with quite a few children and adults with autism, the first thing I noticed is that each and every one that I have worked with is unique and have totally different strengths and weaknesses.

staryeyed · 21/10/2007 12:22

Those comments are terrible. I haven't experienced any yet myself but my mum a very educated woman does think that my son will grow out of ASD but I think that's denial. She only tells people the positive stuff and they say "he cant be" (from their great experience of autism). I thought that having to meet some children with autism might make her realise more what autism is about but she just categorises Ds differently.

mymatemax · 21/10/2007 13:07

I normally find them funny tbh, I guess i'm laughing at their ignorance, i've gone past the point of getting angry.

I was talking to another mum & we were discussing support for our children with sn at the school. A 3rd parent chipped in "will X & X stay at normal school". "I hope so" we both said, "as long as they are happy & learning".
Well she said to the other sn mum "your X is nearly normal but yours isn't is he" she said looking at me.
"Most kids like your X go on a bus to Ipswich don't they, but I suppose you'd have to get up early so that would be a pain"
We both just stared at each other & then carried on with our conversation.

cornsilk · 21/10/2007 14:08

OMG the stories on here! NMC your MIL sounds like a nightmare. I had similarty unhelpful comments when ds was in reception from his teacher - 'He's just like any other child - you need to make sure he does what he is told' and 'Oh Mrs X has a friend whose son is AS and he's not like your ds so he can't be.' Mrs X was a TA so naturally her opinion was regarded as more important than the paed by the teaching staff at that time. Now a few years down the line they seem to have a different opinion. Funny that.

Niecie · 21/10/2007 17:23

All these MILs appear to be in denial!

They are worse than strangers with silly ideas as they should know better! I know it is hard to take when your child has a dx, nobody wants their child to struggle through life, but pretending it isn't happening or placing the blame really doesn't help!

I am sure you don't blame yourself Totallyfreaky but your MIL being plain nasty. I am a SAHM and my sons still has AS - who would she 'blame' for that!?

BagLady75 · 22/10/2007 16:44

If only I had a pound for every time I have heard that DS can't have autism/aspergers because he isn't like the boy in "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nightime". Have heard this from my own mother. Rain Man, anyone?

needmorecoffee · 22/10/2007 17:43

Even my 15 yo, poisoned by MIL,says ds doesn't have Aspergers. Last time I looked she didn't have a degree in neurology andneither did MIL.
But they are both heading for a PhD in tactless unacring remarks.

shrinkingsagpuss · 22/10/2007 17:47

I tried referring a little boy I know as I spotted he had ASD, and for 18months every single health prof he saw said "nope, nope nope not ASD"... when he was nearly 3, finally they said to his parents "Oh yes, your son is autistic". He missed out on help, and his parents were furious with me for trying to tell thme something wasn't right. Not good to be right though to be fair.

If health profs can't get it right, what hope do the genral public have? With ASD the spectrum is so broad, that it is hard to spot, but it doesn't forgive the stupid insensitive comments.

2shoescreepingthroughblood · 22/10/2007 18:54

I know nothing about asd(only what I have learned on here) and have to say the thread tiltle just about sums up why I don't feel happy with the sn board on mn anymore.

staryeyed · 22/10/2007 19:37

sorry 2 shoes I dont know where you are coming from- this thread is about insensitive comments about autism- why does that make you unhappy with the SN board?

bullet123 · 22/10/2007 20:06

Perhaps the thread could be changed to be insensitive comments against any child with a disability. The sad thing is, is that there is an awful lot of discrimination and ignorance, regardless of what disability the child has and that this needs to be countered. There needs to be proper support and provision for every child as well. It's no good a company claiming they are disablity friendly because they have soft lightning and quiet areas, if they then don't have a ramp for example.

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