I have 3DC, 2 younger DS (14 and 12) were diagnosed with ASD last year. The main issue for both is school refusal for different reasons (they have very different needs) and I have been threatened with prosecution for the past 2 years due to poor attendance. Various TAC meetings have taken place over the years and I have always been very involved in working with school to try and improve behaviour/attendance. Essentially my parenting has been blamed for my DC's behaviour for many years and I have done all of the parenting courses etc. and have tried everything at this point to improve their attendance.
The bottom line is that both my DC were diagnosed relatively late and have therefore had no support with their ASD from school as it went unrecognised and autistic meltdowns were labelled as "poor behaviour caused by poor parenting". This caused increased isolation after lengthy exclusions or stints in a pupil referral unit which I have been told was completely inappropriate for a child with autism which eventually led to them becoming more isolated from their peers and social anxiety set in, leading to school refusal.
Recently I have had to agree to work with a family support worker to help me assert more boundaries at home. I was told outright (and it is brought up at every meeting) that if I don't work with this person then I will be prosecuted for my DC having such poor attendance. I've been working with her weekly since lockdown but she hadn't met DC until this week, where she asked to meet DS2 (14).
The purpose I was told was to build rapport with DS and find things that could improve his attendance. Instead she ranted at DS for an hour about why its important he goes to school and he told her several times he was struggling to follow what she was saying. She asked him what he wanted to be when he's older and just as he was replying, she cut him off and started her rant again aimed at me. Also, whilst I was sat with them, she asked DS if he felt I was neglecting him. DS answered no, but then the support worker told him he is being neglected by me because he isn't going to school and I'm not ensuring he goes. DS was upset by this and told her it isn't my fault he won't go. I have never been accused of neglect and every referral has made it very clear that there are no concerns about me neglecting my children so for her to tell my son this was a shock and I didn't know what to say.
Im going to submit a complaint against her as i feel her conduct was very inappropriate. She was also swearing in front of DS, I'm guessing to get on "his level" when DS would never swear in front of an adult and i could tell he felt uneasy (this is the first stranger he's seen since lockdown as he has not left the house at all).
This something I've voluntarily agreed to, it is not enforced (although the threat of prosecution didn't leave me much choice). The more I've thought about it, the angrier I've become and wish i pulled her up on it at the time. We have a meeting planned for next Monday to meet youngest DS but I really have lost any faith in her ability to do her job. I never want to see her again but then I don't want to face prosecution either.