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Original poster

In-Law Ignorance! Rant. Help

62 replies

jakbrown · 13/10/2004 07:12

Dear all, I know from previous threads that some of you have had some experience of family not accepting your child's diagnosis. Well, my dh's sister actually told me that 'i had taken dd from consultant to consultant until somebody said it was autism' and that 'i should accept dd for who she is'. This was a year ago. I haven't spoken to her since and she's arriving tomorrow for two days!!!!! I think my dh's family are finding it very hard to come to terms with and I do understand that. But I don't know how to deal with such total C*. This is only the short version of the story- I could go on and on. I've not even mentioned dh's father yet. Any advice?

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heartinthecountry · 15/10/2004 12:49

I would be furious too - as you say, a complete and utter lack of understanding or your family or its priorities. Well done Mr Jimjams for standing up to her .

Jimjams · 15/10/2004 12:50

Blackduck- shortly after I married dh we took her out for a restaurant meal for her birthday. She spent half an hour telling me I dressed "immaturely" and needed to smarten myself up. (only stopped when dh's dad told her she was way out of line). Anyway ye- next day went off to work in the scruffiest clothes I could get away with. I'm not very good at being told what to do (nor is dh come to that!)

Blackduck · 15/10/2004 12:54

I'm in awe that you can be civil to this woman - not sure I could.....I nearly decked my sil when she called ds 'slow boy' because he couldn't sit up unaided at 6 months....

JanH · 15/10/2004 12:55

Have they read the books? What did she say about helping out next week?

£500 for a suit...good grief...priorities!

Jimjams · 15/10/2004 12:59

I tend to keep very quiet blackduck- I no longer trust myself to be civil. I haven't dare ask whether they've read the books. I have a feeling MIL has FIL hasn't. (FIL is pretty useless in any practical sense- but pleasant enough- no problems with him really- he's the only person who can control MIL as well).

Not sure what was said about helping out.....

meea · 15/10/2004 13:01

Maybe you could pretend dh has'nt got any smart clothes and goes to work in jeans.She may then give you enough money to cover all his therapy .On a more serious note why are you letting her in your house for a day never mind a week.

Jimjams · 15/10/2004 13:02

bloody good question meea!

eidsvold · 15/10/2004 13:06

oh jj - what a cow... wish I could be there with her and deal with her in all my angry hormonal, hot , tired pregnancy rage for you...

jakbrown =- perhaps she has seen the error of her ways?!?!?

frogs · 15/10/2004 13:07

Could your dh hire a suit for the day? I know it doesn't address the real issues, but at least then you could pocket the difference.

Blackduck · 15/10/2004 13:08

I like your thinking frogs.....!

Merlot · 15/10/2004 13:10

Good on your Mr JimJams! You sound wonderful how an earth did the wicked MIL manage to bring up such a thoughtful son!

MummyToSteven · 15/10/2004 13:15

if DH has a suit, JJ, don't even bother hiring one but pocket the whole £500 for DS1's therapies anyway. and sympathies on the dreadful MIL.

coppertop · 15/10/2004 13:20

The cheek of the woman! I'd also be more than a bit miffed about the £500 too. That would've kept ds1 in ABA for a little while and far more useful than a suit.

blossomhill · 15/10/2004 13:33

Jimjams please accept my sympathise. How on earth you spend any time with this women is beyond me. How bloody insensitive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jimjams · 15/10/2004 14:24

eidsvold- it's OK there are plenty of pregnancy rage hormones here already DH has warned them I won't be taking any crap

Original poster
jakbrown · 15/10/2004 14:59

Bloody in-laws! However, you and dh are obviously absolutely brilliant so bask in general superiority. Why don't you organise a fundraising thing and explain to MIL that you are desperate to raise money for therapy and can she give you a large donation, maybe the price of dh's new suit!? £500 is a lot of therapy.
My sister-in-law is still being REALLY NICE. She hasn't said one thing out of line YET but she is playing loads with ds (no difficulties) whilst dd is left to her own devices. But she did watch an ABA session this morning and was amazed at what dd can do when not banging her dummy on the radiator . Will keep you updated... (feel very odd as was all geared up for major drama!).

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Amfs · 15/10/2004 16:02

... what a woman .. I'm actually speechless in admiration for her level of crassness

Personally I would brush up his best suit .. or take it to the dry cleaners .. tell them its new and pocket the whole money for therapies (and a little treat for you and DH once she's gone back home

gosh that woman has stunned me in both of my incarnations on mumsnet and I still can't believe you're letting her come to stay when you're that pregnant

maddiemo · 15/10/2004 16:09

I think I would buy a suit online, tell mil how much SALT the leftovers would buy and ask to keep it for that purpose.

Davros · 15/10/2004 18:04

Top priority, keep the money and don't do what she says...
Just the sort of thing my mil would have done except she knew about DH's temper and he would not have held back or been reasonable! She would also have given us £500 for DS anytime though.
Are they staying over half term? i.e. when DS1 is at home? That's going to be tough if they don't help

Original poster
jakbrown · 25/10/2004 11:02

bump
For Chonky to read lots of in-law rants!

OP posts:
coppertop · 25/10/2004 11:23

The dreaded MIL is probably there by now. Good luck, Jimjams!

Original poster
jakbrown · 25/10/2004 11:55

Good luck Jimjams . I also have in-laws arriving this weekend. Hoping it goes better after the sister made more of an effort!

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chonky · 25/10/2004 12:15

Flippin' 'eck I can't believe the money wasn't offered to help your ds.
JJ, hope the stay is just about bearable. My thoughts are very much with you if she's arrived (& to you jakbrown for your visit).

Mine are due in two weeks time & I'm positively hypertensive already. We had a strained relationship before dd was conceived (MIL's response to us announcing our pregnancy was to respond 'I'd have thought you'd have sorted your house out first') and it's reached dizzying new heights now. We have been through various rounds of tests, it took them a month to phone after we first returned home to see 'how she is'. Now we just get asked 'so is everything OK then?' Of course it isn't!

Original poster
jakbrown · 25/10/2004 12:29

chonky, sorry for my ignorance, have you got a dx? Is there any literature you could give to the in-laws about your dd's situation?

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Original poster
jakbrown · 28/10/2004 18:59

My in-laws are here again!!!! Not the sister this time, Nana and Grandad. How are yours Jimjams?

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