Today I told Social Services I couldn't cope

[ShinyHappySchmooo]

I can't believe I said that to Social Services!! That's not what I do! I said it the DS's paediatrican first.. at his appointment first thing this morning.. and after she'd spent an hour talking to us and watching DS wreck and then drench her office (those hospital taps!) and then physically attack DH and I. She said I must ask our social worker('s assistant) to come and visit us as she promised at the begninning of August.

Then she prescribed Melatonin (his already poor sleep pattern has gone to hell; we feel like death warmed up from new and worse sleep deprivation on top of "old" chronic sleep deprivation.) He's just had some and gone to bed.

We then took him to school and got dragged off by the SENCO who told us we looked "dreadful" (after I'd caked a shed load of makeup on on order not to!) and said we need to ask for more help (than the "6 hours daycare respite fortnightly - but isn't - and the six weekly overnighter which is about to be revoked because he won't sleep for her..)

So I rang when I got home. They are understaffed. The social worker's assistant is off sick and noone else can come. Was told that if I don't hear anything by end of next week (because they are so overworked that meesages are going unresponded to) then I should ring again.

Sigh. What's the point. There is nothing out there to help us anyway. Getting any respite was a three year battle. DH is desperate for more respite; I just think what's the point in trying to get him sent away more often.. that won't address his issues. But then there is no addressing his issues. We've tried.

At my dad's today I watched part of a video of him in his incubator in SCBU , fighting for his life. Felt so proud of him and full of love for him.. how clever we was to survive against the odds. Came home and hugged and kissed him. He hit my in the face and made it bleed.

No problem shiny, I understand. Not superman, I just like to keep busy. I have not done any voluntry work yet but should still have time to squeeze some in between my full-time job and my two casual / part time jobs.

Have not done any volunteering yet as unable to find any and the closest I came to getting some was the childrens respite / care home, but that ended up turning into the full-time job that I do now.

If you change you mind just let me know.

Ohh and I am not a dad at the moment.

Hi Shiny, I really feel for you, My sons behaviour is very similar to yours though i do get a break because hes away at school all week(dont want to rub it in sorry) My ds is proundly deaf, when he was small his dad was very ill (dad died when he was 5) ds was never told no and since then (he's now 11) I get problems because he won't accept no! if he wants something he will go on and on and on. Similarly if something doesnt happen that he has expected he will get angry, during the five week summer holiday i had arms covered in bites and bruises and a lovely black eye which i had to go to a wedding reception with!
He sometimes has absent seizures, we tried him last summer on Sodium Valproate and it made him twice as savage as usual so we stopped giving that to him. Just want you to know that there are people out there who know what you are going through and am sending you and your family a HUGE HUGE HUG!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh Shiny, this is all just so awful, I really hope your SW can get you the help you need.

HITC please don't apologise.. you have nothing to apologise for at all.. I had just forgotten that thread and it reinforced to me the changes in DS.. which I knew anywayu sadly.

Thanks all for being. I will post again when I know what social services are doing.

LJ thank so much for that post.

Shiny, although our children's SNs are different, I can SO relate to the changes you are experiencing. Unfortunately a lot of our children DO get more difficult as they get older, it is NOT anything you have done. I think their progress becomes extremely slow, if not stationary, their communication doesn't improve, there are less things to teach/show them and they have had longer to develop behaviours. We were at a point a year or so ago, where you may be now, when we were just Carers, we were not parent/carers but just carers. It stank. My DS too was charming, happy and relaxed up to about the age of 6-7 (he is now 12). We tried Ritalin for literally one dose too and he cried and cried. We stopped immediately and decided to manage/tolerate the behaviours for as long as poss. When he was 8 we started on Risperidone which has been fantastic. It doesn't fundamentally change him, he still has some terrible behaviours and goes through more difficult times, but it really helps. When his sleeping was at its worst (wouldn't settle down at night AND woke in the night) we used Chloral Hydrate. We were desperate. But then he emerged from a bad phase and we stopped as I think it is a bit drastic.
Please don't be worried about the professionals' terminology, Child In Need is just what they call their standard assessment. Looked After Child was a new one on me when we started getting respite, but again it isn't actually too scary. You could say that you are considering a residential placement, if only to scare them (it costs much more and LEA/Soc Svs have to joint fund) and it may help them take you very seriously. I had to learn to put everything in writing and to be absolutely honest, not exaggerate but not cover up either. I showed one of the "Parents' Inputs" I have written over the last year or so to another mum who is going to try to get respite and she said "so you exaggerated that then" and I said "yeah...." and then thought, "why did I say that? I did NOT exaggerate it"!!!
I hope you will make some progress, sounds like good news that your not-quite Social Worker is back. Good luck.

Thank you Davros. Yes there are lots of similarities there. Paeditrician wants to speak to us in a week and then see us for an appointment (without DS) to discuss alternative to Ritalin.. which scares me. But perhaps it's the one you mentioned.. and perhaps I might be brave enough to try it.

He was a bit better with sleep last night.. only woke twice.. and put himself back to bed (!).. maybe the Melatonin is working.

Spent 1 1/2 hours on phone to our respite carer yesterday. She has a teenage SN DD (lovely lovely girl.. lots of needs) and she said that it took a week or so for the melatonin to "kick in" for her when she started it. From how it has been described to me I don't know how/why that would be the case.. I thought each dose left the body after a few hours.. but it gave me hope anyway.

DS slept through the night last night.. right the way through He didn't even wake once so didn't have the second dose of melatonin. I have no idea why it didn't work the first night.. but it's been having an effect since then and last night was the best so far, thank goodness

Actually quite envious of your bravery! Found second half of holidays bloody impossible- me iether vomiting 24 / 7 or doped up (oprescriiption meds !!)- but too chicken to ask for help.

Well done you!

Cant get ss out either, whenever ahve taken ds2 to hospital (he cut ds2's scalp twice today, just avoided stitches) theyr efuse to note that DS1 caused the injury , they won't even acknowledge calls for a basic assessment for ds3. Know other poeple with 3 year olds in nappies provided by them, HV refuses to refer until he's 7 and canta sk SS because...

well quite

Oh the melatonin- Godsend- only way i could calm him enough to get him off of ds2 tonight (can you tell he changed school?)- some days it dosn't work, might be heavier food I think, not sure- other days it is my saviour

I always thought that Melatonin was pretty fast acting. It worked a treat for us to get DS to sleep in the evening but no good if he woke in the night. I believe there is a slow release one which may be worth asking about. If your Paed does suggest Risperidone it will help with sleep as well as reduce tension/anxiety. Let me know (and other MNers) and we can give you any info you want if that is the suggested med.

We ahd a slow release one (have to buy ours privately) and it was better but struggling to find it- worth seeing you can get a prescription for it.

Peachy, it's not bravery, it's desperation, trust me.

You can talk to SS. It's hard I know. I do understand, but if I can do it.. the one who always has to put on a brave face for every therapist-type who visits the house and especially SS then you can. And you are ENTITLED to nappies once you're SN child is over four!! You need to speak to the school nurse, not SS, about this anyway. Phone school tomorrow and ask for her number. She should be able to take it from there and deal with SS for you at least re nappies.

You have/had hyperemisis don't you? When's the baby due?

((hugs))

Had hyperemesi9s, had huge lea problems so its back with the stress . baby due April.

he doesn't have a school nurse, as not in school yet until January- but everyone keeps telling me not until 7 will they send them now, I am mrs-fob-her-off.

I know i have to deal with it all- i'm just too tired and lazy. So I DO think you're brace! I think you are REALLY barve in fact- toa dmit it to yourself, not just to SS.

for free nappies etc you could try specialist HV or GP. My DS didn't start school until he was 6 so we had to find other ways to do things for a while!

don't have a hv, never seen a specialist one

trying to get ss out for an assessment, cant even get through to the council reception to ask to be put through to duty sw!

nobody in duty office, they'll get back to me