New here...son's new diagnosis feels like the end of the world

[daisy5678]

My son was 6 last week, and was diagnosed with severe ADHD (severe H bit) when he was nearly 4. He was statemented at 3, and (after a big fight with the LEA) got full time one-to-one support at school for the first year, partly because he was so violent. Last year, in Year 1, he had 24 hours' support and some things improved, but concentration still poor and refused to write or draw, would only read. The summer term saw the violence and tantrums come back in a big way, usually triggered by being asked to write something.

He's classic ADHD, so that diagnosis wasn't a shock. I'd guessed it.

But yesterday he saw his new psychiatrist for a meeting about medication and she spent 2 hours asking questions about various things, and she thinks he's autistic - higher functioning, she said, cos he's really bright - along with the ADHD. She's meeting me next week to do some kind of questionnaire.

I am a high school teacher and have only worked with severely autistic kids and a couple with Aspergers, and I just did not think my boy could be autistic because he is so emotional and empathetic and caring - not flat and emotionally cut off like I have seen in the autistic children I have taught.

The psych said all his little obsessions (like light switches, plugs, locks, windows) and his weird reactions to smells, tastes, textures and the lack of eye contact were indicators. The occupational therapist says he is sensorily defensive, didn't really understand that label but know that he was referring to the way my son hates too much noise and movement and gets really distracted by it. I've always just thought that was the ADHD!

I just find the label so much scarier than ADHD, because I've always known that if the one-to-one and normal behabiour management and fish oils etc. didn't work, then we could try medication as a last resort, and it would probably work. But autism sounds so much scarier. I feel like I knew loads about ADHD but this is a whole new area.

Feel like I'm out of my depth now as I don't know enough and don't know what to say to his school now. And I just didn't think he was autistic - he constantly interacts with everyone, not withdrawn or anything. I don't really know what I'm asking for here. It's just a stream of consciousness kind of post, I guess.

I agree with Aloha, and if you want a chat about ds's with violence linked to HFA, please feel free to CAT me- might take a day or so to reply atm (early pg and I don't mix too well), but I will respond. My ds1 is 7.5 nd has ahd extremely violent behaviours in the past, some of whicha ren't so marked now, and I can chat through what we've done and his staement of that would help?

Ah Christie you've reminded me why I love special schools.....

each child with autism is different, my three have the same DX but they are so very different.

I know the talking at people thing well. Usually ds1 will be talking non-stop about a Playstation game strategy while ds2 will be lecturing me on Star Wars at the same time. Neither seems to realise that the other is speaking and neither expects me to reply.

I agree about asking the school to ease off with the writing. If it hasn't been discussed already it's worth exploring other ways of getting your ds' ideas recorded, eg using a computer, recording himself dictating the answers/stories/reviews, or even having someone spending a little time to write things for him. This might take the pressure off him enough to enable him to want to do the writing himself at some stage.

To be fair, Teachermum, "flat and emotionally cut off" would have been a pretty good description of my son sometimes at school. He's 11, with Asperger's.

No one who's met him outside school would think of him that way. In fact, friends who have only methim when he's relaxed and happy tend to be a bit startled by the diagnosis, and sometimes openly disbelieving about his full-time 1-to-1 help, autistic unit placement, apppointments with psychiatrists and all the other joys of SEN. Frankly I think he's more empathic and considerate than most 11-yr-olds.

All the same, school, with all the people, bustle, demands, funny light, noise etc overloaded him to the point that he HAD to cut himself off to cope at all. Is your son pretty similar at home and school, or does his behaviour depend a lot on the setting?

He's still yours, still the same child, and a very little one at that. I can sympathise with the wish to 'cure' the behaviour, but knowing more about him might help you to relieve some of the pressure he is under and ease things for all of you.
All the best, and apologies if my late-night ramlbing make very little sense!

Peachy, would love to chat more, but don't seem able to access the message thing, but would love to hear more about strategies etc.

I'm in agreement about the writing. His last class teacher thought he should have a laptop, but because of the fine motor skills problems. The OT reckons wobble cushions etc. might help him to focus in the classroom.

I think the hardest thing at both home and school is the defiance. He will refuse to do anything he doesn't want to do, and the rages are horrific. He's always been violent, also to himself, and cries afterwards about what he has done.

He finds home easier because I guess I work round him, but school can't work round him all the time, and I understand that. The OT suggested more time outside the classroom in a quiet room to work, but does that isolate him more?

I don't know. I guess the official reports and whatever will make it all a bit clearer.

Thanks all for advice. Any advice on dealing with the obsessions with lightswitches, keys, locks, doors, blinds, curtains, doorbells and switches or the sweeping up obsession - I'd always thought of these as lovable eccentricities, but the school don't agree (understandably - it can be hard to teach when the lights and computers get turned off all the time!)

Hi teachermum, I hope you are on the way to finding some strategies to help your son, both at home & school.
At school they have a little table in a quiet corner of the classroom, facing the wall, ds has sensory problems so the hope is when he gets overloaded he can take himself off to his table & hopefully give him a little time t compose himself (ds isn't violent, but gets extremely anxious) -the plan is they'll have an activity on the table for him to focus on, not sure if it will work for him but they ahve had some successes.

As for the sweeping, make the most of it ds2 has cleaning obsessions, so he does lots of cleaning for me My floors are shiny & my skirting boards dust free. He seems to find it very calming.

I wish ds1 would develop a cleaning obsession, he's a hoarder instead sadly.

My e-mail is [email protected] if you want to contact me