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Do some people still see having a special needs child as 'shameful'?

44 replies

FioFioJane · 11/07/2007 08:42

I understand I will get a 'no' off the people who post on here, because we are all obviously very open and accepting of our childrens 'differences' and love them all for it, but was wondering what you found in the 'outside' world. I am perhaps wondering whether it is something that is more obvious in a special school environment aswell. BUT. I am shocked/suprised/saddened at the lack of parental involvement at my daughters special school. Hardly anyone goes to the summer fair/sports day etc etc and the parents that do go are the same parents as usual. I have most probably not seen about half to three quarters of the parents in dd's class attend anything. I understand its upseeting, its upsetting for me sometimes, but to not go would be just too awful. I would feel like I had let her down.

I know this sounds terribly judgemental and i am hesitating posting it tbh, but I wondered if it was something other people had found and what other peoples experiences were/are? and whether the reasons for not attending functions are clear?

Maybe I should change my posting name, I just think its sad

OP posts:
ShinyHarryPplHoldingPortkeys · 11/07/2007 22:55

I am traumatised when I see children fitting too Chonky.. and DS has epilespy. Maybe because he has it, I don't know (he has had two massive life threatening fits and that's all. touchwood.) A seizure is horrible and scary - you shouldn't feel bad about how seeing one affects you.

salsmum · 12/07/2007 00:20

I SAW YOU IN THE CHRISTMAS PLAY,
YOU POINTED AND SHOUTED HELLO MUM.
I FELT A FEELING DEEP INSIDE,
IT WAS NOT SHAME BUT FULL BLOWN PRIDE.
OF ALL THE PARENTS IN THAT HALL,
YOU CHOSE ME TO GIVE YOUR 'CALL'.
YOU SAID MUM CLEARLY, YOU SAID MUM LOUD.
I LOVE YOU SON,
THATS WHY I'M PROUD. x

sarah293 · 12/07/2007 07:51

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Leati · 12/07/2007 07:58

This is a tough one. I think it sucks to be honest. The only thing I can think is maybe, the parents are more exhausted. There is often alot more work involved in being the parent of a special needs child, so maybe those parents, are just plain exhausted. Atleast, I hope that is why.

salsmum · 12/07/2007 08:55

HI RIVEN
WHERE DO YOU LIVE OUTTA MONGOLIA??
MY DAUGHTER GOES TO A S.N. SCHOOL IN WESTERHAM KENT, WHEN I GO TO VISIT ERC... I FIND THAT I'M AT A DISSADVANTAGE BECAUSE IM NOT IN A CHAIR!
I WOULD SUGGEST THAT IF YOU CANT ACCESS YOUR DAUGHTERS SN SCHOOL THAT YOU SUGGEST WITH SCHOOL/ED AUTHORITY THAT THE REVIEW TAKE PLACE SOMEWHERE ELSE THAT IS ACCESSABLE. SURELY IF YOU CAN'T ACCESS YOUR CHILDS REVIEW YOU ARE BEING DENIED THE CHANCE TO HAVE AN INPUT INTO YOUR CHILDS EDUCATION . you could get the local access group on the case too.
OR...YOU COULD PUT THE RECENT MOBILITY CATALOGUE ON HEADS DESK AND POINT OUT THAT THEY DO DO A GREAT RANGE OF STEEL MOBILE RAMPS AND HE SHOULD INVEST IN A SET .

Nat1H · 12/07/2007 11:29

My MIL is obviously very embarrassed about DS2 CP. She takes DS1 home once a week for tea, but will not come anywhere near DS2. She does cuddle him when she sees him, but all the time under her breath she is saying things like 'It's a shame', 'he tries doesn't he' etc etc. One day, I am sure I am going to burst and tell her to p**s off!

twoisplenty · 12/07/2007 12:37

My dad has never accepted my ds disability, and almost blanks him out when he visits (infrequently). He is so obviously delighted to be in my 3yo dd company (because she is delightful!) and I openly remind him that my ds is desperately trying to get his attention. It makes me angry, that my ds has to try to get his grandad's attention.

I'm going to the school parents evening tonight so I will see if it is teeming with parents...or not. I can't wait to go, I love to talk and hear about my son!

ShinyHarryPplHoldingPortkeys · 12/07/2007 13:03

Sals mum why are you shouting?

sarah293 · 12/07/2007 17:21

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onlyjoking9329 · 12/07/2007 21:57

my DD's are twins and go to a fab SN school
it is 10 miles away,whenever parents are invited in you have to get there early to get a seat, there are some parents that i have never met in four years, i go to everything and i love it.
DS has autism too and he is in mainstream, i go to everything there too but i never feel comfortable there, he is moving schools in sept and i will be so happy to have them all at the same school.

salsmum · 12/07/2007 22:50

SHINY,
SORRY NOT SHOUTING my disabled daughter has severe visual impairement and i get soo used to cap blocking/writing large for her that i do get carried away sometimes .
I think my eyesight is getting worse with age too so not shouting really just accommodating a larger audience.

anniebear · 13/07/2007 07:07
Grin
lourobert · 13/07/2007 08:37

I find it so sad that there are grandparents so find it difficult to accept or be in the company of their grandchildren....I guess im extremley lucky as Louis has 2 fab sets of grandparents that adore him. My dad has never ever cuddled or kissed me, hes just not that sort of person at all but since Louis has come along he cuddles and kisses him all the time......he brought out this lovely side to him.

My mum has been fab at supporting me through going through accepting the dx etc- shes never anything but positive and whenever she talks about Louis you can see she has to get her hanky out, not because she is sad but because she is so proud of him.

KITTENSOCKS · 13/07/2007 14:52

My cousins granddaughter has cp but it only affects her legs. When I got married, I was delighted to have her as my flower girl ( she was 5) At the time she was struggling with a walking frame and very reluctant to practice, but tried really hard so that she could walk down the aisle behind me. Her frame was decorated with ribbons and she was assisted by her dad and the adult bridesmaid. All her family cried with joy as she approached, and I couldn't have been more proud of her! Lots of guests whom she didn't know told her how pretty she looked and what a lovely flower girl she made. She wouldn't take the ribbons off her frame for weeks afterwards so that she could explain to total strangers that she'd been a bridesmaid! It wouldn't have made any difference to me if she'd been a flower girl in a wheelchair, but the effort she put into her walking really touched me. Just wanted to share this with you.

Wuxiapian · 14/07/2007 16:45

That's really beautiful, Salsmum. Bought a tear to my eye.

2spells · 14/07/2007 18:00

KITTENSOCKS that is lovely

Peachy · 14/07/2007 20:21

Thats nice kittensocks

A the lady to say said 'these days kids ike that are allowed out'

I know she meant well (she was explaining t an old lady who i think was her Mum and kicking off, and ds1 and ds3 were havinga simultaneous meltdown) but thought her statement said it all

2mum · 17/07/2007 23:12

Im not ashamed of my son. I had a hard time accepting his diagnosis at the start, but hes my beautiful special boy and id never change him, not in a million years. I find other peoples reactions hard to take though, i find some people dont mention him after they know as if theyre scared to talk about sn or something. Others say things like he could be worse off like other kids at his school wtf?! Somebody said at least he has the use of his legs! People are not educated enough about sn so should i be angry at peoples ignorance or possibly fear of sn as if its a disease you will catch if you talk about it or something.

2shoes · 25/07/2007 15:16

well just been to prize giving(and the brothers I mentioned were there.......faint)
but secondry is soooo different. tha amount of parents not ther was amazing.

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