Worrying comments

[dingledangles]

I recently posted about my 5 yr old dd, dyspraxia diagnosis, over Christmas she's said some worrying things - she gets very angry and upset if she thinks she's being told off, my husband told her not to jump on him while he was unscrewing a toy with a knife (no screwdriver) she tried to grab the knife and said 'I'm going to cut you with this knife' she also said to my SIL 'I'm going to cut your neck' out of the blue and before has said to my husband 'I'm going to punch you in the face' - this she may have heard at school but I cannot believe the cutting and knife things would be heard at school, I'm feeling sick about these comments and planning on going to the gp, am I overreacting?

GP sounds a good idea. Might she have been stressed by all the routine change over Christmas?

Oh yes definitely overwhelmed with everything going on. But the punching in the face comments were out of the blue a while ago and other things I've not made a note of. Even so - not sure where that kind of anger could come from and the idea she could actually think of cutting someone with a knife :-(

bump 😳

I'd make appointments to have a chat with the GP and the SENCO at school. In the meantime keep a diary of all the things that worry you.

What does she say when you tell her, no, we dont hurt people

Id be inclined to think she was boisterous and needed to be reined in and told very clearly what is appropriate and what isnt.
I wouldnt be assuming she was a psychopath just yet. Shes five

Sounds like she was having a difficult frustrating day.
She need to understand that it isn’t acceptable to speak to her DF/relatives like this. Christmas is a tricky time - it’s exciting, it’s difficult for children to cope with the excitement. All routine is out the window. I’d keep an eye on it but wouldn’t go to the gp for some comments made at such an emotional time as Christmas

Try not to worry op it might just be a phase. My dd said the same at 5 threatened to shoot us and everything. But she seems to have calmed down now at 6. I don’t think she realised how serious saying these things are. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has heard it in school that’s were my daughter heard it, she was copying kids that were playing Fortnite.

My 7 year old son DS2 often says things like this when he is joking or very cross. He doesn’t have any issues - (I also have a 9 year old DS1 with autism).

I am not concerned about my 7 year old saying these things from time to time as overall his behavior is good and he knows not to say these things in school etc.

I think at that age they realise from your reaction that adults are shocked or amused at the dramatic language and that it is powerful and they like to experiment a bit with it.

I think giving a calm reaction but explaining its not nice to say these things is more likely to limit how often this occurs.

Several other children in my son’s class use dramatic language like this at times.

As I am typing this I just remembered an incident when my older son (the one with autism) was 5. In school one day he was very annoyed and roared out that he wanted to die and go to heaven. His teachers had to take it seriously and their concern made me worried. I rang my son’s psychologist and she was very reassuring that because my son was overall happy then this random use of dramatic, emotional langauge when he was upset about something was nothing for us to be too worried about.

My 6 year old son has also made comments like this over Christmas that have had me worrying, so it is interesting reading responses. My son has various learning difficulties but no actual diagnosis ( I suspect dyspraxia and severe dyslexia and possibly ADD.) He gets very frustrated at the stuff he can't do and I worry that these comments may indicate he is not in a great place mentally/ emotionally. After new year may try and see if I can get him to be seen by CAMHS. Maybe they will help?

@Violet44 my dd last night said to me 'I'm going to kill you then' because I'd said it was time for bed...?!

I don't know where she hears this kind of language :-(

What kind of things does your son say?

When and why would CAMHS intervene? I don't know a great deal about them or the eligibility.

My ds 7 diagnosed asd told me he was going to kill me and not even come to my funeral 😯this was when I was trying to help him with something. He also regularly threatens to punch/kill us. I think maybe when he's frustrated or doesn't have the words to explain? No idea where he gets it from tbh. Spoke to paediatrician who said if continues maybe get referred to palms but I'm not holding my breath on that one🙄have another appointment in a couple of weeks so see what she says then

@IvyandStan what is palms? It's always usually when I'm trying to help her or I've told her she can't do something - as in something that is physically impossible (going back to nursery) or if I've told her to be careful...

Was the paed concerned? Did they normalise it at all? Or give you any rationale as to why? Could this be a sign of ASD do you think? She displays many others but some quite subtle, so other people think she's NT. is your son calm when he says these things as my daughter often is!

Palms is an organisation that comes in and offers help and advice. Paediatrician didn't seem overly concerned but it did display to her how extreme his moods can be. It's usually said in anger due to be told he can't do something or even just please be careful as that could be dangerous. We are in Herts so not sure if palms is just here but I've heard mixed reviews and apparently Herts aren't great for asd? Not sure compared to rest of country but we had a two year wait with both my boys to get an assessment! We were lucky that an extremely knowledgable headteacher and another teacher came to our school and noticed both my boys (they are high functioning) and put us on the pathway.

I will look into it. I've gone privately for everything else as my area is not great either!! But private asd assessment js very costly and I'm still not sure enough to go for it.. plus she's only 5 🤔

School not supportive at all!!

So tough when school not supportive ☹️we had it from age 2-7 with my eldest until the new head came in and noticed immediately that he was probably on the spectrum. Before that it was "he's done this/that today can you talk to him/teach him empathy (!)I ended up doing my level 3 and working in the school to support him but they still wouldn't recognise he was on spectrum until new head came in ,called me to one side and told me he's clearly autistic! I hugged her I was so relieved.Luckily it was picked up at 3 with my youngest. I think some services do not except a private diagnosis (happy to be told I'm wrong on that!)

Totally understand where you're coming from with the relief.. I was relieved when the OT said it was dyspraxia - obviously was gutted once it sunk in, but to know I wasn't going crazy after everyone kept repeatedly telling me she was fine! Even if the private diagnosis isn't accepted I may now be able to get further with the nhs (was referred in September, still heard nothing, despite chasing up, doctor chasing up and school chasing up)

Frustrating how long everything takes isn't it ☹️hope you get some support soon

Thank you

My NT ds went through a stage of ‘ill kill you/ kick you in the balls/ cut your ears off etc at 5. He was never violent and until this thread id forgotten it. We never really got to the bottom of it, but he reigned it back in with firm feedback

@MummySharkDoDo thank you, it's not very nice to hear is it! We've obviously been very firm about it and hopefully like your son it becomes a phase we forget about!

What does the pediatrician say? It is not appropriate or socially acceptable to treat people like that. Can you change schools or not? Is it possible to do some tests on him or not?

@April2020mom we haven't seen a paed yet, we are privately at the end of the month. Am trying to change schools but am in an oversubscribed area. We're on the waiting list!

@IvyandStan and @SweetsCakesBiscuits

I've now had a letter through for appointments for an ADOS, did your children have these as a tool to diagnose ASD?

Yes it was after this that we got diagnosis both times