Reception auties 2018/19 - thread 2

[openupmyeagereyes]

Thanks to LightTripper for the thread title. This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of dc with autism in their reception year at school. Please join us if you can or, if you have dc due to start reception in 2019, feel free to drop by and ask us questions.

Thread 1

Thanks open. She's just a bit rude and dismissive. The other day she asked me the same question 4 times in a row, which I couldn't answer until i'd looked at my diary and even though I said as much she just wouldn't drop it.

To be fair to her she is new to the school and it must be hard for her to settle in and prove herself. It's also probably quite frustrating for her having a fairly disruptive child like ds in the class. I guess the meeting tomorrow will be quite telling.

Otherwise I love his 1:1 and the SENCO and head are great. Just luck of the draw I guess.

That is really rude and being new is no excuse.

I agree that's really rude liv. I hope the meeting goes well tomorrow.

V rude - good luck with the meeting Liv

Good luck with the drop off tomorrow Open

Hoping that everyone gets good night's sleep - think I'm going to have to go to bed soon!

Good luck with your meeting liv, I hope drop off is better today.

I’m hoping for a better drop off too. He was fine yesterday apparently

Thanks everyone, glad to know I'm not imagining it!

So typical open. Hope drop off is ok today!

Definitely rude Liv. Sounds like she is quite rigid/set in her ways or has problems with listening. Hopefully a good SENCO and good 1:1 will mean that she can learn to adapt to accommodate DS better.

DD's school has Ofsted in this week. Given they've just lost a teacher I hope it doesn't go badly for them - erk! It's not perfect but it's a nice school.

They did offstead at ds's nursery last year. I hope it isn't too disruptive for your dd light.

Thanks, the meeting was good today. We went through all his outcomes to gauge where he is. It's good to see how much progress he has made in some areas. We discussed ds repeating reception, which I think everyone feels is a good idea. Parenting non NT kids definitely requires a lot of brain shifts!

Glad the meeting went well liv and lovely to see all his progress. Interesting that the school have discussed him repeating reception. Ds’s teacher mentioned it as a possibility very early on and in theory I think if he needs to it would be good though sad for him to not move on with the same group of children in which he has made friends. I think much will depend on how his writing and reading comes on over the next few months. One of his friends gave him a card she’d made for him this morning and she’d drawn a house and written ‘to x from y’ inside. Poles apart from ds.

Light I hope OFSTED goes well for the school. Ds’s nursery had them about a year ago and it was a frantic few days!

Ds went to school happily today, what a difference a day can make. Still, I am braced for more of the same and dh and I are armed with a bribe for a good week if necessary. It may not be great parenting but needs must...

Ah, I also meant to mention that I got two autism books for Christmas. Iris Grace from PIL which I thought was very touching and fingers in the sparkle jar from dh. I’d intended to buy it for him and then completely forgot. I’ll let you know how I get on with them. I’m currently reading Good Ideas by Michael Rosen and I am enjoying it. There’s a sentence that I tried to find and can’t but he talks a lot about how we must make children feel that they matter, that they, and their interests, are important and it really resonated with me. I read it around the time that I read a thread on MN about how awful children were today and how it was generally better in the days where they sat at the table in silence, didn’t interrupt adults and were kept in their place by fear. I was born in the 70’s and I have no desire to go back there!

Glad your ds has a good morning open. there is nothing wrong with a good bribe!

I haven't read any of those, let us know if they are good.

I think following your child's interest and making them feel they matter is key, particularly with our kids. I guess is a fine balance between following and indulging.

Phew - I bet you're relieved how that meeting went Liv. I doubt that my boy would be allowed to repeat Reception as I delayed his school start and he's now 5.5 (albeit with his growth hormone problems the smallest child in Reception).

In terms of the interests I think it's wonderful when you can harness them to help the child learn. My nephew (who is being assessed for ASD by CAMHS this week) is obsessed with planes - I bought him a board game involving planes for Christmas which he loves and it's really helping us to work on turn taking.

Completely agree with you Open about having the children talk. My nephew finds lots of aspects of life hard but when he finds a willing participant to discuss planes he has these moments of pure joy - I think probably happier in those moments than most NT people ever experience

I think we are well beyond indulging ds with a daily detour on the way home from school to see his ‘favourite’ pylon! In truth I think his interest in this has now passed but the driving past them has become a habit. As with previous ones (such as collecting lottery tickets) I’m sure it will be forgotten soon enough.

How is everyone’s week going? Things up and down here. Mostly going to school has been ok but sleeping is still poor. This morning he woke about 3:50 and I got into bed with him in the hope that I could get him back to sleep. He was so close a couple of times but he just fights it and we got up about 5:30. On the positive side though he does stay in bed with me at the moment. When this first started a year ago he’d get up, turn all the lights on, run around and refuse to go back to bed - usually around 3:15am.

Our private OT restarted sessions with him at school yesterday. Her feedback said that she was impressed by his ability to stay on task and remain working so that’s a real improvement.

Oh, in the not so good news he told a TA he didn’t like her yesterday. They have changed the TA that collects him in the morning and he is not happy about it as it used to be his favourite one (she now has him a bit later on). I think this is one of the main reasons he’s reluctant to go in. That and the fact that he wants to stay at home and play PJ masks.

Dimples ds is September born so he will be nearly two years older than some of the kids in reception next year. Do you think your ds would need to repeat, it sounds like he's been doing so well.

I live the 'favourite pylon' Open. I'm sorry the sleeping is bad again, you must be so tired but the OT sounds really positive.

Is there a reason they changed the TAs around? That must've been a bit disruptive for him.

I am really looking forward to getting this week over with. It has been very emotionally and physically hard work! Just got to get through the theatre trip today!

liv it started a couple of weeks into last term, the reason given was to get him used to change. I can understand but equally I think he needs consistency. It’s a tricky one because overall the teacher and school are wonderful.

I hope the theatre trip goes well. Sorry you’ve had a tough week

Ds had a temperature yesterday afternoon and again this morning and was a little sick overnight so he’s off school today. Seems to have perked up in the last half an hour and eaten some toast. He hasn’t eaten much since breakfast yesterday so I’m glad he’s feeling a bit better.

I guess they probably don't want him getting too attached to one person but I would've though consistence just for the first year would be better? I guess they have their reasons.

I hope your ds feels better soon.

So pleased the meeting went well liv. Good luck with the theatre trip.
Hope Ofsted goes ok light
open sorry sleeping has been bad. Hope your ds feels better soon. Let us know what you think of the books. I've been moaning about not being able to access support groups etc without a diagnosis and I never thought about books, goodness knows why as it's fairly obvious really. Love that he has a favourite pylon.

Ds actually slept well last night for the first time in ages which was really great. Not so great is he's been wetting himself after school most days. He was dry in the day for most of the Christmas holidays and I thought we'd cracked toilet training after a long 9 months of cleaning up poo and wee. Then he went back to school and it all went wrong again. He doesn't have enough language to tell me if there is something that's upsetting him so I'm not sure how to fix it.

My nephew who is 6.5 has been diagnosed today - my sister first asked the paediatrician about ASD when he was 1 so it's been a long journey and one of those bittersweet moments. My sister is coping amazingly especially as she has another psychologist coming around after school today to observe his twin (a girl who I think CAMHS think is more borderline).

We survived our playdate this week. Unfortunately it all ended in tears as his friend shot a nerf gun at him which shocked him into tears which set her off crying. There was a really sweet moment though when they sat at the keyboard with him playing (banging on random keys - I don't have a musical genius!) and her singing along. I had a tear in my eye

Liv he is doing pretty well at school apart from writing. I was looking at the Spring term plans which include 'writing sentences' - my boy can hardly write any letters nevermind words and sentences.

Ellie it's so hard with the toilet training as my son was dry from last Easter until he started school and I thought that we'd cracked it. Since starting school accidents have resumed. Since December however, these have only been poo accidents and mostly seem to occur when he is without 1:1 (this is meant to be FT so don't get me started on that!) I guess it just takes time....

Open hope that you're boy is feeling better soon. That line from school that he needs to get used to change seems a bit of an excuse. I have the opposite issue with our school as DS's EHCP suggests that he should not just have one person who does 1:1 (but that is what happens). I do worry how he'd cope if she was off sick.

Good luck with the theatre trip Liv

That's frustrating Ellie, could you get he school to do an ABC chart for a couple of weeks to see if they can find a pattern?

Wow it sounds like your sister is going through quite a time at the moment dimples. It's great that you can support each other though. It sounds like ds had a good start to the play date, which is brilliant!

The theatre trip was horrendous. One of the worst days I've had in quite a while. Having said that ds did well walking to the bus, when he was on the bus and having some lunch. It all went downhill after that and I had to bundle him into a taxi to get him home safely! The teacher rang me after and we discussed things that were good and what went wrong and I think we both feel we've had a lesson learned today for next time.

So glad this week is over!!!

That doesn't sound fun Liv - but you made it to Friday!

Theatre trip sounds rough, but it's a lot to take in isn't it? Coping so well with the bus etc. probably took a lot out of him I guess.

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. I've been working, my Saturday nights are so glamorous!

liv I think it’s too late for that! He definitely favours this one. She is lovely. She calls him darling so I think she likes him too (hopefully). I’m sorry your theatre trip was awful, though glad you found some positives. As you say, a learning experience. Probably for ds too. Ds’s class has a trip this term. I’ve no idea where but I’m already worried.

ellie I’ve bought so many books but I haven’t finished many yet. Too much MN! I’m sorry that your ds has started wetting again, it’s so frustrating when you think you’ve cracked it. Is he dry at school? I second an ABC chart to shed light on why it’s happening.

dimples it must be a relief to your sister after all this time, but as you say - bittersweet. Do either of them have EHCPs? I’m glad the play date went well despite your apprehension. Ds’s class plan has ‘writing own name and other words such as labels and captions & to attempt to write short sentences in meaningful contexts’ .

Light sorry you had to work Sat. I hope you got some downtime today.

Ds is fine now, it seems to have been a virus as he doesn’t have a cold or anything yet. We went to the birthday party of a child from school this morning. He was fine until the dj started talking over the microphone for games etc. then we had to leave. I expected it really but thought we’d give it a go as he’s not been to a party like that for a couple of years. I had already warned the mum that it was a possibility.

His iPad use is down to an hour most days. He’s been having 30 mins at a time twice a day (a bit more on Friday while he was off) and it’s not been an issue really until today where we had a lot of whinging for it. I held firm though and was quite proud of myself (though he is not destructive which helps massively). Unfortunately over Christmas he found the delights of YouTubers and that genie cannot go back in the bottle. With a combination of this and Christmas/birthday he is constantly wanting new toys. We have already started a Christmas list! He still watches too much TV, mostly early morning when he wakes up. His sleeping has been rubbish since school restarted. He was awake at 4am today.

Glad your ds is feeling better open, rubbish about the lack of sleep though!

Well I've had a breakdown in the school office this morning

Ds was being ds getting him to school, won't go there! Hard work! Same situation most days.

Eventually managed to get him into the office we're his 1-1 collects him, he immediately see her run up to her and starting head butting her, full on throwing his head back and reigning head buts into her, she was having to block him from hurting her, neither her nor me could calm him down, I had hold of him and was trying to pull him back on to me to pin him to my knee I was on the floor literally on my hands and knees and he was still escaping and getting her, he must of head butted her 15 times.

the whole time he's not in any sort of rage, he's not actually an angry child, he's really happy! Just extremely defiant and hyper! he was hysterically laughing and didn't come up for air through his giggles. Everything is one big game for the reactions. Thing is though you can ignore so much which I do (which doesn't work anyway!) But head butting his teacher like that you have to try stop it. And other dangerous things he does like throwing things at windows etc etc you cannot ignore those things.

He's been spitting at school, throwing things, swiping everything off tables, not co-operating etc. They've written step by step trigger diaries for ages now to work out what's happening & they don't know what to do.

I'll just say it's not a recent thing he nearly gave his nursery a nervous breakdown with it and they had behavioural support the whole time, I would say this sort of behaviour started a good 12-18 months ago but seems so much worse the last 6 months maybe? Hard to give time frames I often have to double think what my own name is half the time.

He behaves like this at home a lot of the time too, but not always, so those days we don't have it too bad I go back and see what we did what he ate how much sleep he had etc to come up with a pattern and work from there but there is no set pattern to anything, i really struggle to understand it.

His strength is like an adult, please don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that, school, drs, nurses everyone who encounters it says his strength is unbelievable, it took 5 people to pin him down to glue his chin up when he split it open for example and even then it was a struggle. So trying to control him is impossible when he's thrashing about, ignoring doesn't work he'll just injure himself or others---- or move to another dangerous behaviour, distracting doesn't work, he doesn't understand time outs, doesn't care about praise, doesn't understand if you remove toys, doesn't care about rewards, give him a sticker for being a good boy he'll eat the sticker etc etc.

We structure things, use visuals, I have to plan everything in true military style & I know school do much of the same.

So after that this morning I cried his 1-1 was very sympathetic, I was embarrassed he had done that and embarrassed that I can't stop him & when she looked at me in a feel sorry for you kind of way and said don't worry etc it set me off blubbering! God I hope they don't think I can't cope! Bcos I can and do. It's just been one of those mornings.

I'm really worried because school won't put up with that long term (and why should they) he's already only on a 2 hour a day timetable.

not sure what the future holds but I think a special school isn't too far in the future. Problem being the only special school that could take him for miles is awful, my sister in law worked there for 3 years and I know too much! she said never send ds there, so that's saying enough!

Does anyone else's dc have behavioural problems?

I've read every parenting book specifically aimed towards SEN children & challenging behaviour, I've tried every strategy (I think! I'm hoping I've missed one that will work tbh!)

He had the child development centre involved a year or so ago and behavioural therapist they were absolutely useless and that's me being kind. They think all autistic children behave the same so what they suggest should work and when it doesn't work they don't have a fucking clue and are long gone and don't return my calls yes that really did happen!

I'm honestly doing my best to sort it out, I just haven't yet found anything that works. I'm happy to take anything on board.

any advice? Please.

It's not just for me he plays up in this way, no one is exempt.

Always makes me laugh when people say pack him off to grandparents for the weekend, as if he's going to be as good as gold there. My mum would bolt her front door if I tried it

Not funny I know! but I have to laugh.......... or I'll cry.... again!

Xx

Danni that sounds so though and I'm sure that we can all relate to the feelings of embarrassment and shame that can arise - even when we know that they are totally disregulated.

I have not really got any advice - just sympathy to offer. Is it worth asking for an emergency review of EHCP? Are there any other special schools that would work if the Council provided transport?

It would be strange if you didn't want to cry after a morning like that - it sounds as though you are incredibly strong but dealing with that type of behaviour almost 24/7 is so hard.

Take care

I feel for you danni. Ds can be be quite difficult and unbelievably strong but has become slightly more distractible and bribable in the last few months. Having said that if he's having a proper meltdown there is really nothing we can do.

I agree with dimples that calling an emergency review for the EHCP is a good idea. The support that the school have in place is obviously not working.

My standard advice is ABC charts to work out he cause and visuals to help support but it sounds like you are doing that already.

One of the first things he behaviour therapists did with my ds was to use a red and a green card. When he was relaxed and playing they would use the red card to stop him, then count to 5 or 10 seconds (depending on what he could cope with) then show him the green card to restart the activity. They built the length of time he has to stop for up over time. After a while we could use it to stop him in more difficult situations. Obviously not a quick fix but could potentially be more affective than words or more complicated visuals?

Could the school help to make a social story for you to read with him at home. To try and reinforce good behaviour?

It sounds like a very hard morning. I hope you are ok now