Reception auties 2018/19 - thread 2

[openupmyeagereyes]

Thanks to LightTripper for the thread title. This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of dc with autism in their reception year at school. Please join us if you can or, if you have dc due to start reception in 2019, feel free to drop by and ask us questions.

Thread 1

Another day of school refusal here. Last week he went in ok Wednesday, Thursday was ok until we were walking up to school and I had to half carry, half drag him the rest of the way. Friday dh came too and he was fine. We’re back to refusal today. I am already fed up with this and am already catastrophising years of school refusal ahead of me...

He won’t, or can’t, tell me what the problem is. I have said no more ipad today if he doesn’t go and the cancellation of an after school play date. Not sure what else I can do that is constructive.

Well he made it in just under an hour late. I think it was bribery that did it in the end. We use a reward chart for him to get a small toy if he gets enough stars. It used to work a treat but these days not so much.

Sorry going into school is such a challenge open. I wonder what it is that makes him not want to go.

Did they change his 1:1 back?

Hi liv. Yes, he’s had her every morning since except for a few days when she was sick at the end of last half term. She gets a better reception from him than anybody except me and dh

That's tough Open

When does the refusal start? With getting dressed?

Sympathies Open it's so hard isn't it. We have soft refusal at the moment. Lots of delaying putting on uniform and walking frustratingly slowly. We've accepted that we'll regularly be late as at least that gets him in. We also have had to develop a thick skin as everyone has seen us cajole and sometimes fireman's lift him down the road.

We've worked out that DS is anxious about the free flow activities before the register is called (we have phased start) so he's delaying so we arrive for carpet time. It took a while to join the dots though.

It sounds like you're doing the right things but it's one more thing to worry about.

Sounds like the school might be able to find a way to make the start easier for him Sue - e.g. maybe he'd like to help the teacher set up in the morning and then go straight to carpet time? DD's school have been good at not pushing her to do things she's not comfortable with (I have to admit my inclination was to try to encourage her to join in but school was totally right, the more we push the harder it is for her to do it). Apparently she even put her hand up in class the other day .

She also got told off by her teacher at one point and asked to sit at a table to calm down and she seems to have handled it OK (she said she was sad but then realised sitting at a table wasn't so bad, and then she got lonely but one of the girls in her class got a teacher to tell her it was OK to get down from the table.... so between her and her little classmate they handled it really well I think. I would have really struggled to handle being told off in that way at her age).

Ironically in the last week they've just started bringing everyone straight onto the mat for songs and games rather than free flow. So I suspect a few children were finding it overwhelming.

Well done to your DD Light putting her hand up and managing to deal with a telling off sounds really mature. What great progress!

Just had a meeting with DS's teacher and came home and had a good cry. Nothing new or surprising in what she said but just depressing in places, e.g. she said that she thinks that the move to Year 1 is going to be v difficult for him (although something of a relief to learn is that his main 1:1 is going with him)'. Reading some of his short term outcomes such as 'knowing how to resolve problems without aggression' highlight that his behaviour at school has become more challenging.

I’m sorry dimples, it’s really hard sometimes isn’t it

Still refusing to go here. It’s depressing.

We had parents evening last night and he’s making good progress (on his own scale, obviously) but every day now he’s refusing to go. We have asked to meet the school and to get an EP involved but ultimately I feel powerless and completely out of my depth.

It sounds like you are doing everything that you can - hopefully they can access guidance on how to deal with school refusal with ASD youngsters.

Hi, how is everyone? how are your dc's?

Sorry haven't posted for a few weeks, although I have been reading when I can. Have a spare few minutes now so thought I'd make a quick post.

Re read this twice because for once this is fairly positive from me

Ds is doing ok, his sleep has gone from bad to worse he's been awake 5 nights in a row ranging from between 1-3 hours during the night plus up early which is a killer, but dare I say his behaviour has ever so slightly calmed down this past fortnight, he's still misbehaving every day but it's not so 24/7 like we had the last few months, I'll take any reduction tbh and hope it continues cos we have had such an awful year or so with bad behaviour!

I had his parents evening last week & his teacher said he's doing really well. He's calmer at school and not hitting or throwing as much. His obviously much further behind developmentally than the other children but like she said they don't have autism. So all things considered she was really happy with him & then we met with the senco after and she said the same that she was really surprised & pleased and although it's small progress they are happy it's in the right direction. And when I asked about special school she said it's our choice we can move him whenever we think we should but for now they were happy with him in mainstream.

He has just entered into the 30-50 months eyfs band now when he was stuck in the 16-26 & 22-36 months for well over a year.

Do you know what eyfs band your dc's are in?

Ds is blending words now on his terms & riding his bike with stabilisers the bike took 2 years to teach him

Still not toilet trained, but I had a chat to the senco about this & she said his only just turned 5, don't worry, they previously had a boy who had adhd who was in pull ups until yr 4 & that age 5 is considered young when they have autism, sensory problems and learning delays etc. She said his 1-1 is happy to change him, the incontinence service is only just available to him now he's 5 so we said we would try again at Easter and if no joy we will see what the incontinence nurse can suggest.

Ds is eating better, still v limited and doesn't really eat during the day unless it's fruit or chocolate or toasted teacakes but he's eating pasta bolognaise, chicken curry with rice & last night ate a bowl of carrots green beans and 2 cut up sausages for his tea. It's a massive improvement for us since he lived on spaghetti hoops for 2 years solid!

His speech is also coming along, I thought he seemed better and I asked his teacher and my husband and his teacher said yes it's improving and dh said he had been thinking this too, still very repetitive and lots of echolalia m but if I ask him questions he is getting the answer to me in a weird tangled sort of way but I understand what he means.

Just cross my fingers and keep hoping it all continues.

He does 9.15-11.45 then I collect him and he goes back 1.30-3pm so he's on split days, Im not over the moon about this and it's a massive inconvenience to me back and forth all day, but it's 4 hours a day, 20 hours per week so still a good few hours at school, he does his learning in a morning and they are working on his social skills when he goes back in an afternoon they said activities up for him to invite kids into his play and plays games with the other children,

to be honest I think they are right what they say. Ds cant cope when it's noisy and he has a 31 kids in each class 93 to a year. 280 kids in the dinner hall and playground for the hour lunch and when it's busy like that he covers his ears hums and lays down on the floor and is v difficult to manage they said he goes into sensory overload.

And since he's been doing these split days and tailored hours and avoiding the busy periods he seems to be better behaved at school.

So the inconvenience to me doesn't matter really if he's coping, so I said I would continue it for now.

Sorry forgot to add.

Ed psych revisited yesterday and she was also pleased with his progress, but said he's got very controlling behaviours and she's set some strategies up for school to deal with that.

And I'm using the same at home.

He's also taking part in a social story trial, that hasn't started yet so I'll keep you updated on that.

danni what a lovely post, so glad to hear of your ds’s great progress

How are you finding getting him back to school in the afternoons? Is he happy to go?

Out of interest, what are the behaviour strategies that the EP suggested?

Things are up and down here. Last Thurs & Fri were not too bad, only 5-10 mins late both days. World Book Day was a big help as he loves dressing up and was excited to see what everyone else would be wearing. Yesterday was absolutely fine and I (foolishly) hoped we’d turned a corner but today he refused to get ready again. I got him in just after 9:30 in the end.

This morning seemed a bit different, he didn’t seem upset, he seemed quite amused by it all so I took a much firmer line even though I felt crap about it. Once again he had a good day and really enjoyed a puppet show in assembly today. Today felt more like a power struggle but I really don’t know for sure.

Sounds like some great progress Danni and I'm glad that the schedule is working out for DS. I can see what you mean about why it works, and at least now he's getting a good number of hours of schooling (I suspect as much as any Reception child actually!), though it's tough on you logistically!

Sorry the drop offs are still hard open. The fact he likes going on WBD does show that he can do it if they make it engaging enough for him. I find it so hard to know what is sensory/run out of spoons/"can't" and what is just normal 4/5 year old stuff. Often I feel I only find out by pushing her too hard and then I just feel massively guilty.

We're currently trying to organise DD's birthday. Everybody is having these big class parties and she is quite enjoying attending (though often just watching from the edge rather than taking part). But she will hate being centre of attention at her own I know. So we're going to try a joint party with some other girls in her class. I hope it's going to be OK. It means she won't get so much say in what there is ... but hopefully also that she can blend in more (e.g. maybe she won't feel the need to hide under the table for Happy Birthday, who knows! And hopefully means she gets less fuss if she does as she's not the sole focus, so less pressure on her). It also means we can afford to have more activities so she can peel off and do her own thing more, which seems to have worked well at other parties but we'll just have to see... I do still worry it will all be too much for her, but again, as she's not the only birthday girl if worst comes to worst we can just quietly leave!

Parents' evening next week. They had open classroom last week and I had a nice chat with her teacher, who says she is doing well, so hopefully it will be good but I'm a bit nervous nonetheless...

Light it sounds like a good plan for your dd’s birthday, sharing the spotlight will be much easier for her, hopefully. I’m sure you will come out of parents evening beaming with pride; it sounds like she’s doing super well at school.

Things went ok this morning. It didn’t bode well as when he got into our bed around 6:15 he said that he didn’t want to go to school, he wanted to go somewhere else. However he got ready with no fuss really and dh is working from home today and came with us to school.

I forgot to share the bad news we got last week - ds’s amazing, experienced teacher is leaving at Easter 😱. The head teacher was lovely and told me in person before they announced it. I grieved for an hour or so then pulled myself together. Hopefully the new teacher will be good too. She will almost certainly be less experienced with ASD (head said she was arranging some training for her) but by all accounts she’s lovely (she is a neighbour of one of the children in the class) and ds’s TA’s know him really well of course. Anyway, it’s happening so we have to make the best of it. We will get to meet her before she starts which will help. She will be working 3.5 days with the remaining time being taken by his current teacher’s PPA cover so there will be some continuity. We haven’t told ds yet as it seems a bit too far away at the moment.

Oh no open - that's unlucky!

If it's any consolation, DD's teacher left at Christmas (who she had at nursery too - she moved from nursery to reception at the same time as DD but it obviously didn't work out). I was really worried but actually DD has been totally fine. It helped that her teacher was already in the classroom (they split the class in two and had a separate teacher for each in a large room - but did already sometimes come together for stories or activities) - but I think also having the same room, TAs, routine, etc. really helped with the transition, so hopefully it will be the same for your DS.

That's a shame open, hopefully she'll still be good. Great the school are giving you lots of notice and support.

A joint party sounds good light.

Things have been plodding along here. Ds has been a bit stressed in the morning, not entirely sure why. We got an indoor, doorway swing before Christmas so he calms down a bit once he been on it for about 20mins while counting! I guess it's probably a good idea just to make that part of the morning routine.

Thanks both. I told the head teacher that I thought it was imperative we keep his favourite TA the same and she agreed so fingers crossed. Obviously we can’t plan for illness or all eventualities. One of the dads on WhatsApp who runs an after school club said that the parents usually have a bigger problem than the children. Hopefully that will be true though of course he’s talking about NT children.

liv the swing sounds good. Very useful to have if he finds it calming.

Liv bet my DS would love the swing too.

Light sharing the party sounds a great idea. Unfortunately the only child I know whose birthday is near DS's has quite ostentatious parents and I think their budget might be quite different to mine. We're at a party on Sunday so I might investigate if I've missed any June birthdays.

Open such a shame about the teacher but good that his TA will still be there.

Danni good to read that things are looking up. DS struggles with lunchtime and I'm pushing school to make it more structured for him - I think I'm making some progress (bit frustrating as it is included in funded support in EHCP). DS is getting much better at articulating his feelings now so he has told me that he gets scared at lunchtime because the playground is noisy.

Has anyone had their EHCP review? Ours is next month.

liv we haven’t had one yet. I spoke to the head teacher about it and she thinks we should get it done by the end of June as the last few weeks of school are so busy. I’ve no idea how long it takes though so we know when to start! Hopefully his current teacher can feed into it before she leaves.

It’s great your ds is starting to tell you more about his feelings. Ds told us this evening that he didn’t like the story on the smartboard today - the smartboard seems to be a common issue. I have emailed the teacher about it. Ironic really given his love of the iPad and television!