Assaulted by ds again...do you have any advice please?

[Chocol8]

This morning and this evening I have been what I can only describe as assaulted by my ds.

He basically ran rings round me - karate kicking me, spitting, screaming, biting, punching, scratching etc etc. The scarey thing this time is that he actually attacked me - running head on to hurt me with blows and kicks - at one point I could bearly stand up. Although I was strangely calm, I was physically shaking. He trashed his bed and various bits of furniture in his room (two of which are metal and he has bent them out of shape) and kept screaming "I don't need you anymore", over and over.

After 20 minutes or so, he went quiet and I picked up his bedding from the stairs to go and see him. He was lying curled up and although not crying was very upset. He told me to "just go" and I picked him up and cradled him whilst he kept repeating it over again. I held him and hugged him while we both cried and then we talked.

He said he couldn't remember what had made him so angry in the first place. I asked him about his day (he went to the childminders and then his Grandad's for tea) and he said it had been good.

I have never seen him this extreme before and I will admit it - it scared me stupid. He is too strong for me to restrain now, so what else can I do? He does have a Play Therapy session tomorrow and the psychologist has asked me not to medicate him with Ritalin for it - could be interesting. I don't really see eye to eye with the psychologist as he thinks it is ok to talk about his bad behaviour in front of him, which I definitely don't like. His self esteem is low as it is and I feel that by raking over it again, just reminds him of it again. Any advice would be welcome. x

No experience at all Choc - but your DS's telling you about the 'sad thing' made me cry. Bless him.
Did you draw it back?

ooops - wrong nickname.

Cor JimJams - you poor luv! I couldn't imagine having to do what I do and being pregnant - respect!

Yes, like you, I see this happen several times a week but more lately, the intensity has upped by about 100%, and as such is unmanagable now. I made sure I cut his fingernails this morning though!

Coddy - yes, I did draw it back tonight (no time this morning), infact I rubbed out the old one and started again (was a designer bc my ds).
I called him upstairs and he read it and loved it - he said it was even better than the old one. This one says "XXXXXX - no matter how bad your behaviour is, remember I LOVE YOU and ALWAYS will. Love from Mummy. xxxxxxx. I try to differentiate between the behaviour and him because it would kill his self esteem off totally if it was him and not his behaviour.

The psychologist said recently that he had recommended a toy called Strong Arm Armstrong which is basically an ugly looking man dressed as a wrestler that you can pull about and stretch and he goes back to his original shape afterwards. I thought this was quite a good idea at first but then I thought it may be reinforcing the idea that it is alright to hurt people (even little stretchy men). I thought a punch bag would be better for him and the ugly little man for me! Then at least I can say I pulled a bloke last night! heh heh heh! What do you think? Does a punch bag sound like a good idea to take his aggression out on - as opposed to me?

Jimjams - sorry, yes I have made a note of the book title and will take a look in the library for it, thank you. I didn't want to bother the Consultant again - she is so busy and very good, bless her.

Sorry to butt in, but this seems as appropriate a place as many to mention this. I came across the concept of trained dogs to assist children with autism the other day, there's some information here . It's Canadian so may not be available/appropriate/you may all already know. Thought I would mention it though as it sounded like a pretty original idea.

Jimjams, I'm so sorry, and I hope that starting back at school has the desired effect. Chocol8, my sympathies to you too.

ROFL @ cutting the nails chocol8. We try that one as well (although he keeps waking up).

Thanks for the link tamum!

Just wanted to say i really admire anyone coping with kids with SN as i have just started working in this area, and it is unbelievably hard work. And i get to come home after 6 hours.

Just a quickie, I seem to have no time this week! Choc, its Stretch Armstrong and I agree with you that maybe its not a good idea, also ours sprung a leak and gooey muck poured everywhere :( A punch bag-type thing might help, you can get those blow up ones with a heavy base from Argos. Get him interested in that lovely boxer ? Khan, the 17 year old at the Olympics. I agree that you must differentiate between him and the behaviour and you're doing a great job as it is so hard.
Hi Jimjams, haven't had time to email you but sorry to hear the holiday was not the break you hoped, how did DS2 cope?
I think anxiety in people with ASD, wherever they are on the spectrum, is one of the most difficult things to deal with and is also very common. Its not just a case of being non-verbal, therefore frustrated, I think its deeper and more emotional than that. IME medication seems to be the best way to deal with it, as I've said before, my DS has been on Risperidone for a year and a friend of mine has just put her DS on it too and he is very HF, verbal with AS.
I feel a bit of a fraud as my DS went back to school yesterday and I'm fuming that they've cut the school day from 4pm to 3.30pm. I know I should consider myself lucky but, even then, its very hard to manage them at home with little to do and a younger one to look after. Mine get along OK but we just can't do very much all together unless there's someone else with me.

Saw a good punchbag thing at IKEA today - £15 or so I think, you'd just need a good solid ceiling to fix it to..

Thank you so much Maryz - yes that does help. It makes complete sense and regarding the restraining thing, it just doesn't work and I will tell the psychologist to stick it next time he suggests that it keeps a bond between us and will calm him. As you said - it doesn't, besides which it is damaging to us both.

Tonight I received a letter for an appointment on 8th September for us to see a Consultant Child & Adolescent Psychiatrist. When I mentioned to the attacking behaviour to his psychologist, he said we should get him assessed...all rather quick - I am used to waiting months for this sort of thing, but they both work for the same place, so...

It's funny, my ds would LOVE a dog, but it is completely impractical as we live in a tiny townhouse. We did have a cat for a short time when he was younger, but it was completely balmy and never relaxed, so kind of counter-productive really. Strangely though, my ds does "collect" dog toys - he has loads of them and sometimes sleeps with one or two of them. This is in addition to his train collection which is definitely his bag. Billions of the flippin things, all shapes, makes and sizes.

Anyway, thank you for your words of wisdom - it does help to talk to someone who can understand how AS children can change in the blink of an eye...i'm sure some people think i'm just making it up! x

Interesting about the psychiatrist appt, I would definitely go for it. I was going to say that this may be a situation when a psychotherapist may actually be relevant (there aren't many times they're relevant in SN!). Maybe also find out about any support groups related to AS, not just for you but for DS too (I know of one in North London, Barnet for example).

Just checking in to see how you are. Good luck with the appointment.

Message withdrawn

Haven't seen maryz about for ages lisalisa. Maybe your call will find her though? Hope so- used to love her posts.

Good luck to dd with the art therapy. Fwiw, I have worked with quite a few clients who've had sessions of art therapy (both kids and adults) and all have seemed to really enjoy it, though perhaps not in a life changing sort of a way, generally speaking.

Message withdrawn

Not specifically. I've met quite a few art therapists employed through Child and Adolescent Mental Health services (CAMHS) and Adult Mental Health services. Are you looking to refer privately? I could ask around for you if so. (I think you're in North London?) If you are going the CAMHs route you will need to ask the GP to refer your dd.

Message withdrawn